The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired

Ginny Jones Leave a Comment

The Power of Showing Up

This is one of my favorite parenting books of all time. It clearly explains the core competencies of parenting and tells us what we can do to meet our kids' needs. It provides an excellent overview of Attachment Theory and helps parents build healthy attachment with their kids. In short, the authors say that based on the latest brain and attachment research, children need to feel the "Four S's":

Safe: We can’t always insulate a child from injury or avoid doing something that leads to hurt feelings. But when we give a child a sense of safe harbor, she will be able to take the needed risks for growth and change.
Seen: Truly seeing a child means we pay attention to his emotions—both positive and negative—and strive to attune to what’s happening in his mind beneath his behavior.
Soothed: Soothing isn’t about providing a life of ease; it’s about teaching your child how to cope when life gets hard, and showing him that you’ll be there with him along the way. A soothed child knows that he’ll never have to suffer alone.
Secure: When a child knows she can count on you, time and again, to show up—when you reliably provide safety, focus on seeing her, and soothe her in times of need, she will trust in a feeling of secure attachment. And thrive!

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