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Kimi Marin

Kimi Marin is a yoga therapist based in Portland, Oregon. She provides us with beautiful yoga poses and meditations to support eating disorder recovery. Website

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Our own histories of body hate, disordered eating,

Our own histories of body hate, disordered eating, and eating disorders do not mean that we can’t raise kids who are free.

In fact, we are uniquely equipped to help our kids navigate a culture of fatphobia and foodphobia since we know it so well.

Don’t worry - we don’t have to be perfectly healed in order to raise healthy kids. We just have to be aware of the dangers and pitfalls and do our best to keep open communication with our kids.

No parent can shield a child in this society from body hate and diet culture, but all of us can have conversations and step between our kids and the culture when necessary.

If you’re anything like me, then you’re hoping to break the cycle. You’re hoping to raise kids who are free ... or at least not as stuck as we have been. And I believe we can do it at any stage in our own recovery❤️

Unfortunately, many doctors discuss our kids’ we

Unfortunately, many doctors discuss our kids’ weight in front of them and make comments that suggest our child should “watch” their weight.

Even when these comments are veiled, our kids know exactly what the doctor is concerned about: fat.

And unfortunately we live in a society that tells our kids exactly what to do when they are “too big” – diet. Both weight stigma (fatphobia) and dieting are associated with serious health consequences.

So parents must step between doctors and our kids to protect children from dangerous weight stigma.

We created these free “Don’t Talk About My Child’s Weight” cards to help you advocate for your child’s health at the doctors’ office and any healthcare setting. We’ll send them to you for free - just go to www.more-love.org ❤️

Our children can feel our disapproval, and when pa

Our children can feel our disapproval, and when parents disapprove of a child's body, children internalize the idea that they are wrong, bad, and inappropriate.

Even if parents don't say anything out loud about a child's weight, if they feel that their child's body is a problem, the child knows.

Weight stigma is pervasive and constantly reinforced in our society. It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility.

Yes, it's uncomfortable, and yes, we still need to talk about it.

Parents, please learn about weight stigma and internalize Health at Every Size principles to avoid unconsciously passing along feelings of inadequacy to children.💕

Everyone knows that “not healthy” means “bad

Everyone knows that “not healthy” means “bad.” And if kids enjoy or even love “bad” food they naturally feel ashamed of themselves.

Lots of people think that kids should feel ashamed for eating and enjoying foods like pizza, french fries, and chocolate. But feeling shame about food actually reduces health, regardless of the food being eaten!

Moms, dads, caregivers and educators, please stop calling food “not healthy.” Everyone know it means “bad” and it feels shameful to want something that’s “bad.” Whether it’s the school lunch and daycare snacks, or birthday cake and piñata candy, it’s just food. Let’s not serve it with a side of shame💕

There is a strong history of kids being taught to

There is a strong history of kids being taught to hate their bodies by parents. These parents meant well, yet they still accidentally showed us that body hate and disordered eating are what we're supposed to do.
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But we don't have to perpetuate the cycle of body hate. We don't have to teach our kids that disordered eating is normal or healthy. We can learn more and do better.
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The information available today about the damage caused by diet culture is beyond anything our own parents could have accessed. They simply didn't have the scientific articles, books, videos, Instagram accounts and blog posts that shared the devastating impacts of weight stigma and diet culture.

But we do.

So let's break this cycle and help our kids grow up free from diet culture and body hate.💕

I’m sorry we live in a culture in which parents

I’m sorry we live in a culture in which parents believe it is their duty to keep kids small and controlled.

Parents don’t just make this stuff up - it comes at them from every angle. And most of them are really doing what they think is best.

And it hurts kids so much.

So if you have/had a parent who pressures/pressured you to lose weight or stay small, I’m sorry. It hurts.💕

It’s all too common for growing kids to bemoan t

It’s all too common for growing kids to bemoan their developing bodies.

To pinch and prod and suck in and frown at their bodies.

It’s changing, they sigh.

I’m ugly now, they cry.

Sweetie, you’re not ugly. Your body has to change. And we live in a society that says the prepubescent body (or unnaturally lean/muscular) is the ideal. But you’re in/passed puberty.

And your body is just fine.

And trying to change it causes tremendous damage.

It may seem normal to restrict food and try to get that straight, flat body back, but it’s not healthy.

Restricting food and chasing prepubescence is an exercise in pain, frustration, and futility.

And while it may “work” short term, either you maintain it through disordered eating/an eating disorder or you just regain the weight, beginning an endless process of weight cycling.

Sweetie, you don’t have to love your body, but let’s work together on not hating it and abusing it, OK?💕

What are your early experiences with your body? Ar

What are your early experiences with your body? Are you working through them and making sense of them?

Our own body trauma (often inflicted when we were children) can perpetuate in our children, but we can interrupt the cycle with introspection. We can find meaning and understanding in our own body trauma and thus avoid passing it directly to our kids.

Of course they still live in a body-traumatizing society, but parents who process their own body trauma can really help kids feel secure in themselves even as society wages a war on bodies.

How parents feel influences how children feel. And our influence lasts a lifetime, not just the first 18 years. We can help our kids be free from body hate, disordered eating, and eating disorders. But to do this we’ve got to work in our own stuff💕

Great book: The Power of Showing Up, by @tinapaynebryson and @drdansiegel

Let’s tell our children this. Because if we don’t - over and over - they will believe societal custom, which is shaped by a multi-billion dollar weight loss industry.

Our kids don’t need to shrink their bodies. They don’t need to count calories or macros or carbs or minutes on the treadmill.

Our kids can trust their bodies and even if they don’t love their bodies, they can trust that the body is a wise and wonderful thing. To try and control it is the arrogance of humanity influenced by the power of massive marketing campaigns telling is our bodies are meant to be controlled and manipulated. They aren’t 💕

Articles about sneaking kale into kids’ smoothie

Articles about sneaking kale into kids’ smoothies are more popular than articles about attachment parenting.

Articles about feeding kids “healthy foods” are more popular than articles about raising emotionally healthy kids.

Parents worry about their kids’ food-based nutrition because that’s what we see in the media. That’s the fear we’re told to worry about. But building healthy emotional connections is much more important than leafy green vegetables.

We often talk about how the media shapes how we see bodies, but we also need to be aware of how the media shapes how we see parenting and love-giving.

Because, like it or not, the media shapes what we think we should be worrying about.

But the media is a poor authority, because it’s a business based on clicks and shares, not valuable advice. And unfortunately articles about “healthy” nutrition get more clicks and shares than articles about healthy parenting.
Media literacy begins by noticing the lack of gender, body, ability, skin, and race diversity that we are shown. The media is not the authority on what we actually look like - it is the authority on reducing the vast human experience to just a few cliches.

Likewise, the media is not the authority on how we should parent around food and emotions.💕

We live in a society that is full of experts. The

We live in a society that is full of experts. The experts believe they should be trusted on all matters pertaining to our bodies - step on the scale, weigh less, eat this, don’t eat that, move more, move like this.

And slowly but surely, we have lost faith in the wisdom of our bodies and the bodies of our children.

Slowly but surely, every child learns that their body is dangerous and can’t be trusted, and that they must listen to other authorities when it comes to their bodies.

It shouldn’t be revolutionary to tell people they can trust their bodies, and trust their kids’ bodies. It shouldn’t be revolutionary to eat according to hunger cues, which will tell us what to eat, when to eat, and how much to eat.

It shouldn’t be revolutionary to accept a body’s size and shape, recognizing that body diversity is a natural part of being human.

But it is revolutionary. So, for now, those of us who choose to trust our bodies and our kids’ bodies are rebels. But I hope the tide is turning. I hope the time for body trust is returning💕

I engaged a highly recommended acupuncturist, but

I engaged a highly recommended acupuncturist, but from the very beginning my senses picked up on fatphobia. She asked for my weight on my intake form. She asked questions about my diet and requested a detailed food journal. She verbally suggested several times that I eat a lot of sugar (I don’t, not because it’s unhealthy - it’s just not my thing). I was prepared to be jabbed with needles - not to be food and body shamed.

As I headed into my third session, I sensed that she was not the right fit for me. And at the end of the session when I mentioned that I had been a vegetarian for 20 years, she said that probably had a lot to do with my “weight problems.”
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I had told her I had an eating disorder. I never once told her I have “weight problems.”
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I realize that there is a very good chance that she has people coming to her all the time for help with weight loss. It’s something she “helps” people do. And I cancelled my next appointment and will not ever reschedule with her.

So now, just like I prepare myself to not be weighed or to discuss my weight at the doctor’s office, I will start asking new complementary care providers whether they provide any weight loss treatments or support.

Because if they do, it’s likely they will see my body as a problem to be solved. And my body was a problem I tried to solve for 30 years with my eating disorder.

Hint: trying to solve my body really messed with my body, mind, and soul.

I’m committed to giving my body the acceptance it deserves for the next 30+ years, so I will not work with fatphobic providers even if their stated purpose is to “help.”
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I wish we could assume that our complementary healthcare providers are safe for bodies of all sizes, but until that happens, I’m going to ask this question: do you offer any weight loss treatments? If the answer is any form of yes, then I’m going elsewhere. The question is: if I do this, will I ever be able to access complementary healthcare again?💕

Our bodies are perfect exactly as they are. Even i

Our bodies are perfect exactly as they are. Even if they carry more weight than we would prefer. Our bodies are the size they are because that's what they need to be right now.

So relax. Block and report every diet ad you see on your social media accounts. Unfollow people who promote any form of food restriction or compensatory exercise, share their weight loss "journeys," or try to sell you a "proven" solution to “extra” weight.

Intentional weight loss only has one proven outcome: it leads to regain 95% of the time, and has many side effects including increased cortisol, decreased metabolism, and higher risk of eating disorders.

If we make any resolutions this year, let’s resolve to be more present in our bodies, more kind to our bodies, and more attentive to our bodies. Let’s free ourselves from body hate and give ourselves and our kids more love in 2020.💕

I wish parents and siblings, aunts and uncles, gra

I wish parents and siblings, aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins all knew that we have to prepare ourselves for holidays - even if we love them.

Our disorders and addictions usually begin within the family system, and thus every family gathering can be challenging and risky to our recovery.

We have to plan ahead, give ourselves reminders to engage in self care activities, and monitor our energy, emotions, and impulses leading up to, during, and after family gatherings.

I wish families asked those of us who are in recovery how we are doing. I wish families stopped believing that recovery is complete rather than a continual process. I wish so many things for us.💕

Perhaps it would take actual magic to create a soc

Perhaps it would take actual magic to create a society of body neutrality and zero talk of restriction and diets. But since I don’t have a magic wand, I’m doing my best to spread this message of good cheer. Seek the love that makes you feel worthy and understood this week!💕

I think I need to make a t-shirt that says this!

I think I need to make a t-shirt that says this!

I know we live in a fatphobic, body hating, disordered eating society.

And I also know that dinner tables everywhere this week are going to be filled with talk of diets and bodies.

And I want it to stop. I want to raise a child who doesn’t have an eating disorder, disordered eating and/or body hate. I want to raise a child who is not obsessed with their appearance or the food they are eating.

And the way to accomplish that is to change what I can, when I can.

I wish all of us a magical holiday filled with body neutrality and zero talk of restriction and diets💫

Entering the holidays in recovery is tough, and no

Entering the holidays in recovery is tough, and not just because of the food that’s everywhere.

It’s tough because we are fuller, more assertive people in recovery. We expect more, we ask for more, and we recognize when we are not getting our needs met.

This can be hard not only on us, but on our loved ones who didn’t realize that wanting us to recover is the same as wanting us to be more assertive people.

They didn’t realize that wanting us to recover is the same as needing to make changes in how they behave and how they love us.

We can’t return to who we were and how we used to behave without risking our recovery, but our families don’t realize this means they need to change.

So they often try to continue the same relational dances that got us into our disorder in the first place.

Some people may see our recovered self as more needy and difficult. But in fact, in recovery we are simply reclaiming our right to be needy and difficult. Our right to HAVE NEEDS and ask for the love we want.💕

We really don’t need to talk about diets this ho

We really don’t need to talk about diets this holiday season. We can change the conversation, walk away, or do any number of (non-rude) things to stop diet culture from joining our family gatherings.

And if Aunt Susan thinks it’s rude that you won’t talk about her new diet for the holiday, that’s OK, too.

As long as you aren’t shaming her or telling her she’s stupid for dieting, you’re not being rude, you’re just steering the conversation to topics that you want to talk about.

She may desperately want to talk about diets, and you may desperately NOT want to talk about diets, and you can still connect meaningfully, which is the whole point of the holidays, after all.

Here’s to a holiday season free from disordered eating and body hate! 🎁 ❤️

Doctors believe they are supporting health when th

Doctors believe they are supporting health when they promote intentional weight loss.

But the science is clear: intentional weight loss fails to improve health, reduce mortality, or last beyond 2 years for almost all (95%) people. It leads to long-term metabolic and cortisol changes, which decreases health. And it promotes eating disorders, which are deadly.

As a population, we know that doctors are heavily weight-biased, and that their bias impacts the care they provide on a daily basis.

The result of medical weight bias is not better health for patients. Instead it leads to people avoiding healthcare altogether. Medical bias and weight stigma are a far greater health concern to human health than adipose tissue.

This is not a criticism of doctors - it’s an acknowledgement of facts we know are true and an invitation to change medical bias for the sake of our health.

If you would like to see the data behind this caption, we have a scientific library at more-love.org/science 📖 💕

Maybe one of the reasons eating disorders are on t

Maybe one of the reasons eating disorders are on the rise is because human connection is on the decline.

We are becoming less physically and emotionally connected to other humans. As a result, we are suffering, because we are literally hard wired to seek connection. It is nonnegotiable for human survival.

Food is one of the very first ways that we connect with our parents, and our parents typically provide most of our nourishment for at least the first ten years of life.

So when we subconsciously and painfully feel disconnected, it makes sense that we use food behaviors as a way to soothe ourselves and/or communicate our longing for connection.

If you or a loved one is struggling with eating disorders, disordered eating, or body hate, look for opportunities to connect meaningfully and deeply with others. It will help 💕

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