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Nurturing body acceptance and positivity in our homes is an act of defiance. Rebel against toxic white patriarchal views and raise kids who understand that their bodies are acceptable in any color, shape, size and ability. Show them that they don’t need to change a damn thing. The idea that we should all look the same is ridiculous, boring, and harmful. It’s time to rebel and take back our power and right to exist in any body, any way we want to! A revolution is underway! Don’t be afraid to embrace it 💕 A lot of parents worry about their kids’ weight. I get it. Fatphobia is everywhere, and we are constantly advised to “watch” their weight by doctors, the government, educators, the media and, of course, family and friends. The fear of parenting poorly and getting a fat kid as a result is pervasive and terrifying for most of us. But here’s the thing: we have a lot less power over our kids’ bodies than we think we do. In fact, we have very little power over our kids’ bodies. Yes, we want to offer them lots of food, including fruits, veggies, grains and proteins, but we can also feed our kids foods like pizza, donuts, cake and hamburgers without fear of being “bad” parents. It’s counter-culture to do this, but the research backs up an “all foods fit” approach, whereas the restricted food model and parents who are worried about their kids’ weight have been shown to lead to poor health, body hate, disordered eating, and eating disorders. Let’s all relax about our kids’ food and bodies💕 Recovery is courageous because society/diet culture pretty much sucks and we need a non-ED toolbox filled to the brim with every adaptive coping mechanism imaginable so that when we encounter society’s BS (every freaking day) we can reach in and figure out which screwdriver/wrench/hammer will help us this time. And it’s different each time. . We are each on our own journeys. We can each go at our own pace 💕 I don’t know about you, but trying to keep all of my research organized is tough! I finally set up an online database of some of my favorite anti-diet papers. I made it public since I see a lot of people asking for research to support a non-diet approach. . I’m still building this, so feel free to make suggestions if you have any favorites you think I should include. . Also, please feel free to share this with skeptics! That’s what it’s there for 😁 . The link is in the profile for now, but you can always find it on More-Love.org>Resources>Scientific Research Database I get a lot of questions from parents who are worried about their kids’ food and weight. I would really like to refer them to HAES/Intuitive Eating dietitians who can help them manage their anxiety about food and weight and give them practical tips for raising healthy kids who are free from body hate, disordered eating, and eating disorders. If you are such a person and/or can recommend people, please leave a comment below or DM me. Thank you! ❤️ It’s time to raise body-positive kids! Let’s help them avoid body hate, disordered eating, and eating disorders. Here are five steps: . ✖️Teach them to ignore diet culture - the belief that we can and should control our bodies and achieve a universal standard of thinness is ridiculous. Teach children body diversity and help them to never, ever diet. . ✖️Teach them not to listen to the food police - everywhere we go, people are telling us what to eat and what not to eat. Kids need to learn to trust their appetites and eat intuitively. . ✖️Teach them to take down body shamers - fat shaming is the only form of discrimination that has grown in recent decades. Kids have to learn to politely shut it down. . ✖️Teach them not to worry about BMI - it’s an outdated, overused and abused measurement of health, and yet they will encounter it everywhere. Teach them that BMI doesn’t tell them how healthy they are. . ✖️Teach then to fight back against fatphobia - it’s hard to live in our society and not the internalize the fear of fat. We have to teach our kids to fight back against it. . Full article on More-Love.org today 💕 You guys - there’s a new rant (I mean article) about doctors talking to patients about their weight. The rant is in relation to a 12-year-old girl’s checkup, but really it applies to all of us! . Our medical system has an unhealthy focus on body weight as the primary indicator of health, and this weight bias is impacting us by increasing rates of body hate, disordered eating and eating disorders. . When doctors make comments about weight, they must recognize the culture in which we live and the unhealthy weight stigma and diet culture that we encounter every day and carefully consider whether unsolicited weight-based comments add any value to patients' healthcare (HINT: in most cases, the answer is "no"). . More on More-Love.org (I couldn’t fit it all here!)💕 Wondering how you can help reverse rising rates of body hate, disordered eating, and eating disorders? It starts with these simple rules: . 1) if someone looks fat to you, there’s no need to tell them. It’s rude and boring. It doesn’t matter why you are doing it because all of the reasons are BS 💩 Just. Don’t. Do. It. . 2) never, ever share unsolicited diet advice. Don’t talk about your own weight loss. Don’t recommend your weight loss secrets. Don’t ask if your patient is interested in a weight loss program. It’s all a load of harmful BS 💩 Just. Don’t. Do. It. . Teach your partner, your parents, and your kids these rules, and you’ll start to make a difference in our world. . It will take a lot of time and effort to reverse the tremendous harm we inflict upon bodies in our culture, but this is one way to start. 💕 Do you hate your body? Sort of dislike it? Try to control what you eat so you avoid the dreaded “mom bod?” . It’s OK. It’s normal. But let’s change it, OK? When mothers hate their own bodies, they unfortunately impact their kids’ body image. . It sucks to add yet another task to a mother’s plate, and please understand this is not coming from a place of blame. But you and your child(ren) deserve to be free of body hate, fear of weight gain, disordered eating and eating disorders. . It’s time to fight back - to rebel against our f-d up society that tells us to hate our bodies. . Read more about why we have to stop hating our mom bods on More-Love.org 💕 Permission to exist exactly as we are💕 . I just wrote about “mom bod” hate on More-Love.org, and it makes me so angry that women are working so damn hard to be perfect for a society that is seriously f-d up! . ✖️We deserve to exist, to be loved and respected, in any body size. . ✖️We are allowed to relax in our bodies and let them be “as-is” . ✖️We don’t need to work so damn hard to be perfect for a society that is decidedly imperfect. . Sending everyone so much body love today!💕 A survey from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that 75% of American women participate in some kind of disordered-eating behavior, even if their problems aren’t severe enough to constitute a clinical diagnosis of an eating disorder. . To help our kids avoid/reduce eating disorders, disordered eating, and body hate, we have to constantly fight for their right to exist in their bodies exactly as they are. . We have to be vigilant when interacting with family members, healthcare providers, and educators. And we have to counteract messages from their friends, the media, strangers on the bus, and all other hotbeds of toxic body talk. . Her body is not the problem - society is the problem.💕 . For more about what parents can do to help kids avoid/reduce eating disorders, disordered eating, and body hate, check out More-Love.org ❤️ It’s not uncommon. And it doesn’t mean it’s the parent’s fault. What it means is that now there is an opportunity for both parent and child to recover. . Some parents know they have an eating disorder, but many more are on the spectrum and think their weight-focused lifestyle is necessary and healthy. Either way, when a parent heals their relationship with weight, food, and eating, they create an environment that supports their child’s recovery. . Interested in reading about parents’ eating disorder symptoms and how to recover? Check out our article at More-Love.org 💕 Anxiety often causes stomach aches, dizziness, nausea, and a loss of appetite. . These symptoms of anxiety can be the driver of or prelude to an eating disorder. . Anxiety is well-understood and can be effectively managed with psychotherapy. . Treating anxiety doesn’t mean we never feel anxious again - it means we learn to listen to and respond to our anxiety in adaptive (vs. maladaptive) ways. . If you have a child who frequently gets stomachaches, nausea, and loss of appetite, believe them. These are real symptoms and are not “manipulative” or faking. Find a therapist who is qualified to help your child learn to manage their anxiety in a healthy way.💕 Our kids’ bodies are a major part of their life experience. We can’t not talk about them. . Ignoring or glossing over the way a child feels about their body is not the path to body acceptance and resilience against eating disorders. Instead, we need to learn to talk to them about their bodies from an inclusive and weight-neutral perspective. . This takes practice and can be hard, but it’s so great when we validate our child’s body exactly as it is while also validating the complex feelings they will have living in a body (of any size) in our fatphobic society.💕 . P.S. the same goes for taking to your child about your own body 🥰 . Want more info? Check out More-Love.org - we just published a list of great books to read to build your understanding of body acceptance, including the books by @virgietovar @bodyposipanda and @rebeccascritchfield ❤️ Parents can love their kids but still miss crucial opportunities to show their love, so here’s a quick list of things to say to your kids to show them that you love them. 💕 I hear you: take the time to really listen to your child and seek to understand their words and feelings. 💕 I believe you: sometimes we are eager to give advice, but all they want is to feel like an authority in their own lives. 💕 I’m here for you: a parent who is a true partner makes a child feel completely loved. 💕 I’ll sit with you: when a child has a task, like eating a meal, doing homework, studying, or practicing, a parent can show up and sit with them to show love and support. 💕 I’m sorry: say it often and with meaning. Never follow it with “but.” Show them you understand that you sometimes hurt them, and never be afraid to apologize. 💕 I’d like to help: we can’t always help. Sometimes we shouldn’t help. But it means a lot to know that a parent wants to help. 💕 Yes, you can: when we let our kids do things, we demonstrate to them that they are trustworthy and capable. 💕 You’re right: when we let our kids be right, we help them feel satisfaction and worthiness. Nobody wants to feel they are always wrong! 💕 When we give our kids more love, we improve their self-confidence, self-compassion, self-efficacy, and self-worth. These characteristics are protective when it comes to anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.💕 Our kids are facing incredible stress and pressure to perform. We are seeing increased rates of anxiety disorders, which are directly correlated to eating disorders. . A parent who has a child who has an eating disorder must learn to parent around food and body issues, and they must also learn to parent around stress and anxiety, which can trigger eating disorder urges and behaviors. . Every child is different, but an open, compassionate approach to anxiety is much more soothing than asking the child to rush through or ignore their anxiety. . This text exchange is an example in a parent who has learned how to help her child through anxiety. Her approach is encouraging and soothing, and it works because the conversation about anxiety is natural and ongoing in their relationship 💕 We are suffering because we believe that we can all achieve the “right” body, skin, hair, and face if we only follow the programs and use the products prescribed to us by corporations, media companies, celebrities and social media influencers. ✖️ The pressure to perform beauty and “heath” rituals according to these sources is tremendously stressful and increases risk of eating disorders, exercise disorders, body dysmorphia, and more. ✖️ The expectations placed on achieving “perfection” based on doing and buying the right things are impossible. ✖️ If you have a child, please be extra-aware of the dangers posed by our societal myths regarding conformity, “beauty” and “health.” Our kids are suffering and will continue to suffer unless we intervene and disrupt the cultural narrative in which they live.💕 . Check out the article “Celebrity Beauty is an Elaborate Fiction” from @outline . EDIT: On the first image, “Our society” should be in parenthesis and outside of the quotation, since that is an editorialization of the original quote. Have you ever made food “illegal?” I have! I restricted just about every major food category at some point in my 30-year eating disorder. It makes sense - after all, it simplifies restriction and gives a person who is struggling with food something to focus on when they are craving the food they have outlawed. . Restricting entire food groups is one of the easiest ways to pursue two goals: 1) control eating/food intake; 2) identify as “good” based on what is/isn’t eaten. . When seeking worthiness, many of us use food and weight as tools. We think that if we eat the right things and weigh the right weight then we will be worthy. Of course, that’s not how worthiness works. It’s an inside job. . If you have a child who puts food groups in prison, if you have a child who is using food or weight as a way to define who they are - and we have to look closely to see this - help them see that food and weight are not the path to worthiness. Help them build worthiness and identity in ways that have nothing to do with food or weight. . Legalize food!🍊🍳🍟🌮 Unfortunately, diet culture and “wellness” influencers tell us that if our child is above “average” on weight charts, is a “picky” eater, enjoys “junk” food and avoids “healthy” food that we’re doing something wrong. We aren’t! These are all perfectly normal conditions of childhood. Parents who try to impose rules and restrictions on kids’ food and weight - even when it’s done out of love - have kids who suffer over food and weight. None of this is your fault. You are not a bad parent.❤️ ✖️ Above “average:” we all understand that parents are not responsible for a child being above average on shoe size and height charts. You may be surprised to know that weight is similarly mostly driven by genes and environmental factors that are beyond a parent’s control. ✖️ “Picky” eating: it is perfectly normal and biologically adaptive for children to become less adventurous with food as they go through critical developmental stages. ✖️ “Junk” food: all foods can fit in a healthy diet. Kids who are offered a variety of foods will naturally balance their nutrient and caloric intake based on what their body needs. ✖️ “Healthy” food: see above. Most kids don’t like cooked vegetables, kale and other “healthy” foods. They can still be healthy without them! ✖️ Eating disorders: are complex and arise from a variety of factors. Parents don’t create eating disorders, but our behavior may make it easier for eating disorders to develop. Luckily, our behavior can also help our child recover from an eating disorder 💕 I’m on a mission to get parents on the non-diet bandwagon. . Before anyone tells me that of course “diets” don’t work, but kids are too fat because they eat too much and they just need to eat better and not be fat ... STOP. You’re wrong. “Diet” is a term that encompasses all forms of weight control and intentional weight loss. We are not all “supposed” to be thin, nor do kids need to be thin to be healthy. . So much of what parents think they know for sure about food, diet, and weight is just plain wrong. It's not our fault - it's just that journalists, healthcare providers, educators, bloggers, and influencers all promote weight control and intentional weight loss as if it is good, healthy, and necessary. . Despite all the noise about controlling and reducing weight and all the pressure on parents to take measures to get their kids to be "healthy" through intentional weight loss, there is actually no evidence that intentional weight loss is healthy and substantial evidence that intentional weight loss is unhealthy and leads to higher weights and increased rates of eating disorders. . Skeptical? Check out these articles for a scientific review of what you need to know about intentional weight loss, dieting, fat, "obesity" and weight epidemics that aren't actually epidemic at all. It takes a lot of guts to go against the current cultural norms, but rest assured that science firmly supports a non-diet, weight-neutral approach to health for every kid and every body. ❤️ Full article with links to these papers at More-Love.org

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