Eating Disorder Guide For Parents

Yes! Parents are the single biggest asset in a child’s treatment team for an eating disorder, and yet they often feel separated from treatment and recovery. The history of eating disorder treatment is full of errors and mistakes, including blaming parents for kid’s eating disorders and keeping them in the dark while the “experts” treat the child.

What we know today is that educated, trained parents are a child’s greatest asset and strongest allies in eating disorder recovery. However, this is advanced-level parenting. Parents need a guide and lots of support and training to effectively help a child recover from an eating disorder. But when they do, the impact is HUGE!

Very few parents naturally have the skills to guide a child to recovery, but you’ve got what it takes to learn, grow, and succeed! When parents are educated, equipped, and empowered, they supercharge recovery.

You can help your child with an eating disorder recover. In fact, with guidance and support, you are the best person in the whole world to do so! Kids are biologically hardwired to seek support, guidance, and nourishment from their parents. When an eating disorder enters the picture, parents can feel locked out and stuck. However, there are many things parents can do to get their kids back on track and begin the process of eating disorder recovery. Most notably, parents can take responsibility for the following aspects of eating disorder recovery:

1. Learn about eating disorders and your child’s unique causes, symptoms, and treatment plan
2. Feed your child regular meals
3. Eat with your child
4. Create a positive food and body image environment in your household
5. Learn about co-regulation and support your child in building their emotional regulation skills
6. Facilitate relationships with treatment providers who can address your child’s medical, nutritional, and psychological needs

Most parents who have a child with an eating disorder begin by feeling scared and overwhelmed. Parenting a child with an eating disorder requires tremendous effort that may include:

• Finding healthcare professionals to treat your child’s disorder
• Driving them to appointments
• Spending more time planning, preparing and serving food, as well as eating together more frequently
• Managing mealtime stress and meltdowns
• Navigating panic attacks, anxiety, and fear about eating and weight gain
• Negotiating with a child who doesn’t seem to want to recover
• Educating family, friends, and healthcare professionals about your child’s needs as a person in recovery from an eating disorder

Parenting a child with an eating disorder is a serious job that will require effort and patience. It’s important to get a guide and plenty of support for yourself.

Every family is different, so what’s hardest for you may be different from another parent. However, most parents tell us that the following aspects of having a child with an eating disorder are most challenging:

• Feeling as if you’re no longer connected to and able to talk to your child
• It seems like things that used to be easy are suddenly much harder
• Meals are stressful, more frequent, and more complicated than they were before
• It can feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time and as if nothing you say or do is “right”
• Your child doesn’t believe they have a problem and refuses to engage in treatment

Whatever part of parenting a child with an eating disorder is hardest for you right now, please get support from friends, family, and professionals. This is a tough job, and you’ll be more successful if you have a lot of support.

There are three essential parenting skills and strategies for having a child with an eating disorder:

1. Set clear expectations: Know what you can expect when parenting a child with an eating disorder, understand the treatment and recovery process, and be clear about what you’re asking of yourself, your family, and your child with an eating disorder.
2. Set boundaries: Kids with eating disorders need you to hold firm boundaries with a ton of compassion. This is a skill that you can learn and develop, no matter how hard it is for you right now.
3. Honor autonomy: Eating disorder treatment often limits kids’ agency and autonomy. And while much of this is necessary to keep them safe and healthy, it must be balanced with opportunities for expressing themselves and being seen as independent and more than an eating disorder. Balancing boundaries with autonomy is one of the greatest challenges about parenting a child with an eating disorder, but it can start with something as simple as validating your child’s feelings.

Parents who have kids with eating disorders need a lot of support to navigate this very challenging situation. Consider the following options:

• Professional support (coach, therapist, RD)
• Parent groups (online or in-person through your child’s treatment provider or elsewhere)
• Online support (articles, support groups, online classes)

We have more information about parent support for when your kid has an eating disorder.