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How To Parent A Child Who Has An Eating Disorder

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How To Parent A Child Who Has An Eating Disorder

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I'm a compulsive fixer. I really like to fix things, from squeaky doors to messy rooms to feelings, if something seems wrong, I like to dive in and solve the problem. But feelings need to be felt, not fixed. This is recovery for me. 💕 There is really no reason for a household scale. The only reason, in fact, is to control weight. And the funny thing about controlling weight is that it drives disordered eating, full-blown eating disorders and, crazily enough, weight gain. So trash the scales - for your kids' sake if not your own. . This is one of the household rules we have for families in which there is an eating disorder. My online course launches Nov 1 - save 40% with the code loveinsta 💕 Link in profile ☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼🌈 Co-parenting a child who has an eating disorder can be a real challenge. It's so important to get on the same page, which is doubly hard when you're working with an ex. It helps to let go of your guilt and remember that we all just do our best. . Six tips for co-parenting through an eating disorder on More-Love.org ☝🏻link in profile☝🏻🌈💕 Attachment is something most of us do naturally some of the time, but most of us need help. Because our loved people change, and what is healthy attachment at 2 can become unhealthy fusion at 12. I wish we could attend attachment classes every four years or so! 💕 When there is an eating disorder in the house, everyone needs to change a little to help create a safe space for recovery. Fitness trackers are the opposite of intuitive movement. When studied scientifically, they have no long-term impact on health and can create dangerous dependencies for those of us vulnerable to eating disorders. Trash the Fitbits and all other trackers to create a truly healthy home environment. . The rules for a healthy home when someone has an eating disorder are part of my online course about parenting a child who has an eating disorder. 40% discount with the code loveinsta - link in profile 💕 This is so messed up, but it it also so true. Parents who want to help their children who have eating disorders have to get super creative when it comes to paying for it. We cover some options and budgeting strategies in an article on More-Love.org ☝🏼🌟link in profile 💕 I used food rules and weight control to support my identity and chase self-worth for thirty years before I finally understood that I was perfectly worthy without my eating disorder behaviors. Sigh. . Two years free of my disorder, my identity has been freed. I am human. I eat food. Sometimes I love what I eat. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I plan ahead. Sometimes I don't. The most amazing thing is that it doesn't change who I am at all. 💕 Body talk is shockingly common. It's amazing, once you start noticing, how often we make comments about our bodies and use other people's bodies as the easiest way to describe people. I'm 2 years in to having imposed this rule, and I still slip up sometimes! It's not me - it's society - and it's a real effort to change! . This is one of the household rules I put forth in my new online course 'Parenting a Child Who Has an Eating Disorder,' which goes live Nov. 1. If you pre register, use the code loveinsta to save 40% 💕Link in profile 💕 Parents need to learn about binge eating disorder, which flies under the radar and causes tremendous shame and suffering. It is rarely well-treated. Binge eating disorder is also the most common eating disorder. . Read my response to a parent who is worried her adult child may have BED - scroll down a few articles on More-Love.org or just click the link in profile 💕 How we approach our kids - the way we feel in our hearts about them - is not a secret to them. They are finely attuned to how we feel about them, especially the negative thoughts. Parents who know this and work on their inner beliefs about their children, and approach their children from a place of trust and admiration, have a much easier parenting experience.💕 . Typo in the image: it's Shefali @drshefalitsabary When creating a recovery-friendly home, parents need to follow some rules to support eating disorder recovery. This is the first rule: no dieting in the house. Since the word diet has been replaced with confusing terms like wellness and cleanse, we must define dieting as any action we take with the goal of losing weight. Even if it's just 5 lbs or the goal is 'health' via weight loss. 💕 We just announced an online course to help parents who have kids who have eating disorders. I'm offering a 40% discount if you pre-order by Nov 1. DM me if you want the discount code. Link in profile for more info. Fat shaming is so pervasive in our culture that many people do it without realizing it's happening. But it's up to us as parents to fight back and overcome our automatic impulses for the sake of our children's health. Fat shaming hurts. It makes us susceptible to serious illness. We are so much more than bodies 💕 If we try to control our body, it will rebel. If we try to control our kids, they will rebel. Control is possibly the weakest and most fragile form of leadership we have available, and yet almost all of us try to use it to make change. When we study leadership and change management, we find that a collaborative, respectful approach works better. 💕 We call it 'weight stigma' in scientific terms, but it's actually fat shaming and fat discrimination. This is a social justice issue. It's also a parenting issue, because a society that fat shames is a society in which kids grow up hating their bodies and developing eating disorders. Until we educate ourselves about the pervasiveness of fat shaming, we cannot protect our kids from body hate. Eating disorders are personal and unique, but they are also culturally and societally-driven. When we want to heal (or help a loved one heal) we must look closely at the culture in which we live and work against the destructive forces that stoke the flames of an eating disorder 💕 Being educated about the dangers of eating disorder behavior does little to help a person recover. More important and effective is building self-esteem outside of body appearance and body behaviors. . Our kids need to know and trust that they are loveable and loved regardless of what they do or what they look like. This is a long-term practice, not an event. 💕 Our kids can be rigid and explosive and stubborn and bratty. We can lecture and complain all we want, but nothing changes. Then, one day, we change our behavior. Like magic, our kids become a pleasure to be with. They are still individuals with feelings, but they are less likely to act up, act out, or otherwise drive us crazy because we are on the right parenting path. It's never easy, but it works every time 💕 Most people think eating disorders are about eating and body, and those are the symptoms, but healing eating disorders requires that we build self-esteem and worthiness. When we tie our worth to our bodies, we are at much higher risk of eating disorders. And, of course, we live in a culture that constantly reinforces the lie that our bodies define us. Parents who want to help their kids recover can help by showing and telling their child that we are all so much more than a body. Full article on More-Love.org 💕 Children whose parents pressure them to lose weight tend to weigh more as adults, even when genetics, lifestyle and body type are controlled for. This is likely due to the tremendous stress of living in a body that you believe makes you unworthy and unlovable. . Bodies change - we do not need to change them. 💕 To a child, the restriction of food is emotionally indiscernible from the restriction of love. Parents who are under pressure to reduce a child's weight feel compelled to reduce their food, and inadvertently create conditions in which a child feels unworthy of love. We need to support families in learning healthy food practices that have nothing to do with weight or restriction. 💕

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