Skip to content
How To Parent A Child Who Has An Eating Disorder

More Love

How To Parent A Child Who Has An Eating Disorder

  • Home
  • Online Course: Parenting Eating Disorders
  • Articles
    • Diagnosis & Treatment
    • Weight, Food, Diets & More
    • Parenting and Self-Care
    • Emotions & Feelings
    • Society & Media
    • Interviews with Professionals
    • Personal Recovery Stories
    • Advice for parents / Ask Ginny
  • Resources
    • Courses & Books
    • What parents need to know about eating disorders
    • What parents need to know about diets
    • What parents need to know about Health at Every Size
    • Books for parents who have a child who has an eating disorder
    • Videos for parents who have a child who has an eating disorder
    • Quizzes about Eating Disorders and Mental Health
  • About
    • Get More Love
    • Give More Love
  • Contact

Cart

Your cart is currently empty.

Return to shop

Instagram Posts

Can we please stop referring to people as anorexic, bulimic and binger? . When we have a pen, we can put the pen down. We can walk away from the pen without guilt. We don’t feel ashamed for picking the pen back up, but we also don’t feel guilt when we put the pen back down and walk away again. The pen is a temporary tool, not a permanent part of who we are! . ✖️I am not anorexic. I have anorexia. . ✖️I am not bulimic. I have bulimia. . ✖️I am not a binge eater. I have binge eating disorder. . ✖️I am not an addict. I have an addiction. . It makes no sense to label people as something they have. These labels put us in a position of identifying as our disorder, which can make it much harder to recover. Let’s stop doing this!💕 The shame we add on top of physical discomfort is painful and cruel. Let’s all be kind to ourselves when our tummies are full. It’s not a sign that we did something wrong. It just means our tummies are full. That’s it! Lie down and use a heating pad to help soothe the physical discomfort. As for the shame, talk back to it, and remind yourself that our bodies can handle the food we eat. It’s going to be OK! . Often we don’t even have to label the act of eating to the point of fullness as a binge episode. That can just make us feel worse and my not be helpful, especially while we are physically uncomfortable. Give love and attention and trust that the food will pass (it will). If you’re recovering from an eating disorder, you may be physically uncomfortable many times as you relearn you body’s signals and feed yourself. It’s OK! . Parents, let’s help our kids get through tummy pain with kindness and care. They don’t need to learn a lesson, and they don’t need to feel any shame about their discomfort. Let go of any fear about what this ‘means.’ Sit with them and hold their hand. Tell them how much you love them and tell them it’s going to be OK.💕 So I made a really cool quiz for body positivity, and somehow the results got messed up. I saw that everyone who took the quiz was failing and at first I thought “jeez, fatphobia is worse than I thought it was!” And then I got curious and actually took the quiz myself and failed!😳 . I don’t know about you, but I’m a recovering perfectionist. I fixed the quiz and it works now, but I feel TERRIBLE that lots of lovely body positive people took the quiz and got the wrong result!😩 . So if you took the quiz, I’m so sorry! Please take it again! If you haven’t taken it yet, give it a try.😁 . Link in profile☝🏻💕 I’ve been asking adults who have/had eating disorders what they wish they had been told as kids, and these statements keep coming up. So much of it comes down to worthiness. We are worthy of love just because we exist as our parents’ kids. We don’t have to perform or change ourselves to earn love. . If you didn’t hear these things when you were a kid, start saying them to yourself and find other people who will say these things to you. . If you are a parent, start saying these things to your kids! There’s a full article about this on More-Love.org - link in profile☝🏻💕 . Do you have anything to add? What do you wish your parents had told you when you were a kid? 🌈 When your tummy hurts because you were eating yummy food and didn’t want to stop or forgot to stop, it’s OK! You don’t need to learn a lesson or be scolded. You don’t need to feel ashamed. It happens to all of us, and it‘s uncomfortable, but it will pass. . Give yourself some love. Lie down, maybe with a warming pad or hot water bottle to help soothe the physical discomfort. Soothe your mind with calming reminders that you are not a bad person for eating more than feels physically comfortable. Your glorious body will process the food and, crazy as it sounds, you will even get hungry again! Just relax and accept yourself. . Parents, let’s treat our children kindly when they eat to the point of physical discomfort. We don’t need to teach them anything other than how to be kind when discomfort strikes. 💕 This holiday season, we’re bound to be in direct contact with people who are deeply entrenched in diet culture. These 5 steps help put this inevitable situation in perspective. . The main thing is to ground yourself and then be assertive with a ‘light, bright and polite’ response to diet culture comments. Do you have anything to add? . Parents, please discuss and work through these steps with your child. Please interrupt and redirect diet culture conversations at family events and holiday celebrations. Your child deserves to be protected from the worst offenders of diet culture, and you are the best person to help! 💕 I think a lot of us who have eating disorders don’t take our struggle very seriously. It’s like if I don’t get hospitalized for being emaciated, I must not have an eating disorder. But that’s not true! Most of us never require hospitalization, and our disorders deserve attention, care, and treatment. . Parents, please don’t use weight as the signal that a child is “fine.” Weight is not the best measurement of an eating disorder. Most of us do not need hospitalization or present as terribly ill on the outside. But we are hurting, and we need treatment, attention and love 🌈💕 When we believe that how we eat, what we eat, and how much we weigh tells the world whether we are ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ we lose sight of our inherent worthiness. . Parents, let’s tell our kids that they are worthy just by being alive. Let’s tell them that they don’t have to do anything or achieve anything to earn our love. Let’s tell them with our words, and show them with our actions that they are inherently worthy🌈💕 Sometimes the people who have the best intentions can totally screw up. Sometimes the people who love is most hurt us terribly. Not because they mean to. Not because they are bad people. Simply because they don’t know better. . When adults tell children that they will be healthy if they control their food, exercise more, and weigh less, they mean well. Their intentions are good. But, man, they are really hurting us😩 . Restriction, dieting, and over-exercise inflict serious physical harm on our bodies, and the emotional harm of feeling as if you aren’t good enough just as you are can be devastating. . Parents, please work to accept your child’s body regardless of weight. Please dump diet culture and stop policing kids’ plates and bodies💕 Is it just me, or are we afraid to talk about this? . Of course my body is larger in recovery! I restricted my body and forced it to be smaller than it wanted to be for 30 years. When I stopped restricting, my weight increased. This weight gain is not a sign that I’m unhealthy. It is a sign that I am finally healthy. . Our weights fluctuate, and every body is different, but most of us who have used restriction as part of our eating disorder will see a weight increase when we recover. And I’m not saying this to make people fearful of recovering. I’m saying this because if we want to recover, we need to accept that we may have a larger body than we had when we had an eating disorder. . And we have to say f-it, I’m going to recover anyway. . And it would be really helpful if our families and healthcare providers know this and accept us completely at our recovered weight. . Because nothing sucks more than fighting for recovery only to find yourself still stuck in the fatphobic dogma that sparked the whole thing in the first place🔥 It’s hard not to feel bad about our kids’ bodies. I have yet to meet a parent who doesn’t worry about their kids’ weight, and that includes parents who have children living in small and medium bodies. But we absolutely must remember that our fatphobic thoughts are a reflection of our cultural beliefs, and we must strive to overcome them when it comes to our kids’ bodies. . ✖️If your child lives in a larger body, learn about Health At Every Size . ✖️ If your child lives in a medium body, learn about Health At Every Size . ✖️ If your child lives in a smaller body, learn about Health At Every Size . ✖️ If your child has an eating disorder, learn about Health At Every Size . ✖️You know what? If you have a child, learn about Health At Every Size, K? . ❤️❤️❤️ It’s my body, and nobody - including healthcare professionals - gets to tell me what to do with my body. I don’t get on scales. Ever. I suppose that if someone could actually prove to me that my weight is of life-or-death consequence, I would. But that hasn’t happened. . It’s actually quite easy to decline being weighed at the doctor’s office. I smile and say ”oh, I don’t get weighed.” I let the person react however they want to, and they always do react in some way. But I don’t waver. I don’t doubt myself. I am a freaking rebel and I don’t get weighed. And it’s totally fine. They may complain, but this is my body, and I make the rules. . Parents, watch out for weight stigma in pediatric settings. If you think your child is being treated poorly for their weight status - if every visit begins with a frown and lecture about the number on the scale, then find another provider. Please🌈💕 Stop shoulding all over yourself! Here are three shoulds that we can eliminate forever: . ✖️I should eat healthier 🎶Healthy eating means eating the foods you enjoy when you’re hungry. When we eat to appetite vs rules, most bodies will naturally balance their unique nutritional needs. . ✖️I should lose weight 🎶There is no safe, effective way to lose weight, and intentional weight loss causes tremendous stress, which is far more unhealthy than a number on the scale. . ✖️I should exercise more 🎶Sure - if you enjoy moving your body, then do it! But don’t feel like you have to meet a specific standard of exercise. That’s stressful, and stress counteracts any positive benefits we get from exercise. . Parents, let’s stop shoulding about these things in front of kids. We aren’t improving anyone’s health with these shoulds! 🌈💕 At least 90% of the resources for eating disorder recovery are focused on just 10% of people who have eating disorders (anorexia nervosa). . Providers, please don’t present resources for ‘Eating Disorders’ that don’t reflect all eating disorders. Don’t tell parents you have a program for ‘Eating Disorders’ if you really mean anorexia. If your resources are specifically for anorexia or bulimia, say that. Don’t act like your resource is for all of us unless it is, K?❤️ . Parents, if you have a child who has Binge Eating Disorder, it’s going to be frustrating to navigate the recovery system. Sometimes it may feel like the disorder is dismissed or less serious. Don’t buy it. All eating disorders are serious and deserve treatment. I send you and your child so much love🌈💕 . Check out a great article about Binge Eating Disorder by Kelsey Ognibene in @ravishly The things people say when they find out we have an eating disorder can be incredibly hurtful. It’s usually not their fault - it’s just that we live in a society that totally misunderstands eating disorders. Education is going to be a long, slow process. In the meantime, if people say stuff like this, try not to take it personally. It reflects societal stigma, not our lived experience as people who have/had eating disorders. . If you have a child who has an eating disorder, learn more about why these statements are so hurtful, and help your child process the experience of living with such a stigmatized disorder. Also, help by speaking up and educating others when possible. We can’t all be activists all the time, but if it feels like the right time/place, don’t be afraid to speak up. . Please tell me if you have heard other hurtful comments about eating disorders. I’m working in an article about this right now, and your comments will really help! 💕 An eating disorder is a sign of disconnection. We have disconnected from our needs and desires. We have rejected our needs and desires. This is painful. . Healing from an eating disorder begins when we recognize our needs and embrace them rather than reject them. . I need food I am full I need rest I need to stop moving I need soothing I don’t like this I am scared . These are needs that slowly, slowly, we can start to meet as we recover. Parents and loved ones can help us by never shaming us for having needs. By giving our needs attention without shame. By accepting that a child having needs is exactly what parenting is about. 💕 Attention is a vital part of love-giving, but it has been vilified and shamed in our culture. If you need attention from the people who love you, don’t be afraid to ask for it. If your child is asking you for attention, don’t be afraid to give it to them. They are not manipulating you - they are just asking for more love. It’s all good. ❤️ Let’s all ask for the love we need. ❤️ Lets all give them the love they need. ❤️ Body positivity has been co-opted by brands and influencers who are not body positive. I don’t know about you, but it drives me crazy! . Body positivity is: 🖤inclusive 🖤weight neutral 🖤non-diet 🖤behavior neutral 🖤food neutral 🖤health status neutral . Parents can help kids recover from eating disorders by building a body positive environment at home. Today we posted an ‘Are You Body Positive’ quiz plus some tips for building a body positive home on More-Love.org - link in profile☝🏼 . I welcome your thoughts and opinions on body positivity, especially within family systems! Please comment or DM me if you have anything to add!💕 Many of us who have eating disorders find extended family meals to be extremely triggering. It’s OK to step away from the group and take care of ourselves. Here are six things that I do when I’m with a bunch of people and feel triggered. What about you? How do you handle holidays? . If you are a parent who has a child who has an eating disorder, then please consider doing these things with them. It will help them feel less alone if you are by their side 💕 . Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, U.S. friends. 💕 Uncle Brad, unless you stole it, it’s good food. Unless you dropped it on the floor, it’s clean food. Let’s just stop moralizing food, OK? . We all need polite but clear boundaries when it comes to people who label food with moral qualities. What do you say when someone talks about food as good or bad? . If you have a child who has an eating disorder, help them practice some light, bright and polite responses to the food police 👮🏼‍♀️ 🍔

Follow Blog via Email

Receive an email each time we add a new article.

Monthly Blog Updates

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • YouTube