The minute I first talked to Silvie, I could tell we needed to work to prevent burnout as she supported her child with an eating disorder. “I’m working so hard,” she said. “But I’m tired. I’m not sure I can handle this.” I totally get it, and I’m here to help Silvie feel better. Because the truth is that in order for Silvie to help her child recover from an eating disorder, she needs to prevent her own burnout. Parenting a child with an eating disorder requires stamina and perseverance, so balancing your energy is essential.

If your child has an eating disorder, then there’s a good chance you, like Silvie, are dealing with parental burnout. The technical description of burnout is being mentally and physically depleted. This depletion can lead you to feel like you are failing at parenting. Oh no! We don’t want that for you at all!

Preventing burnout can be the key to recovery

An eating disorder is a major family crisis, and a burned out parent will be less effective at getting through to the other side. But burnout is not your fault. It’s a failure in the systems that should be supporting you. I’m so sorry this is happening, but it is. Eating disorders are under-funded, under-researched, and live in the shadows of shame, leaving parents frustrated and lacking confidence. I wish we had better systems of care so I didn’t have to say this, but if you have a child with an eating disorder, we need to do everything we can to prevent burnout.

I’ll give you some ideas for what you can do to help yourself recover from parental burnout. But first, let’s get started with more about what parental burnout is and its impact on family life. When you fully understand the consequences of burnout I know you and Silvie will both get the care you need to succeed.

What is parental burnout?

Feeling stressed while parenting is normal and expected. But parental burnout goes beyond expected levels of fatigue and means that you are exhausted and overwhelmed. When you are burned out, you struggle to function. 

When you become burned out, your ability to respond to both everyday and high-level stressors is reduced. Parents who are burned out feel physically and emotionally unable to connect with their kids, which can, unfortunately, lead to even more struggles with parenting. 

A 2021 study conducted by researchers at Ohio State University found that parental burnout has reached dangerously high levels, particularly for working parents. The study found that: 

• 66% of parents report feeling burned out
• Women are more likely to feel burned out than men
• Parental burnout is increased in households with 2-3 children, plateaued with 4-5 children, and increased again with 6 or more children
• 77% of parents who had a child with ADHD and 73% of parents who had a child with anxiety reported parental burnout
• 72% of parents who were concerned that their child could have an undiagnosed mental health condition reported burnout

Basically, burnout is common and responsive to how many kids you have and whether your kids have mental disorders.

Why do we need to prevent burnout when parenting kids with an eating disorder?

It’s probably pretty obvious why parents who have a child with an eating disorder are at high risk of parental burnout. The constant stress of having a child with a major mental disorder is exhausting, and it can feel as if you have no options. The healthcare system does an inadequate job of helping parents who have kids with eating disorders cope. In fact, many times there is little to no support for parents or the advice is ignorant and even harmful. It’s rough. I’m so sorry. 

Based on the data available, we know that 72% of parents who worry their child has an undiagnosed mental health condition, 77% of parents who have a child with ADHD, and 73% of parents who have a child with anxiety report they are suffering from burnout. I think it’s safe to say that at the bare minimum 72% of parents who have kids with eating disorders have burnout, though I would guess it’s even higher based on my experience. 

And it’s no wonder. Our healthcare system is not structured to adequately and comprehensively care for people who have eating disorders and their families. I’m sorry it’s this way.

How do you know if you have parental burnout when dealing with an eating disorder?

Many times you can sense that you are burned out. It’s completely fine to self-diagnose yourself. In general, be on the lookout for these symptoms of burnout: 

• Irritability
• Fatigue
• Changes in sleep and/or appetite
• Mood swings
• Feeling like a failure
• The sense that you are underwater
• Complete overwhelm

What sets parental burnout apart from regular stress is that it negatively impacts daily functioning. Basically, you are less productive and effective and struggle to accomplish tasks that used to feel manageable.

What can you do if you are burned out from parenting a child with an eating disorder?

I know you have a lot going on with your child’s eating disorder. And while you need to continue the work of helping your child recover, you also need to care for yourself. As you can imagine, when parents are burned out, their kids struggle more. So if your approach to managing right now is leading you to burnout, then it’s essential that you get the support you need and deserve to feel better.

Recovering from burnout takes effort, which is cruel since the primary symptom of burnout is the lack of energy to do anything. But you need to invest in yourself to recover from burnout. The consequences of not recovering are serious, so please reach out for help! 

Recovering from burnout is not unlike recovering from an eating disorder. It is essential to your health and wellness, and when you are burned out, everyone suffers. So this is not optional or selfish. You need to recover from burnout to operate effectively as a parent.

Here are some ideas: 

1. Do less. I’m sorry, but there’s no way around this. When you’re burned out, you have to find ways to outsource more of your activities. If you’re physically capable of doing what needs to be done but are still burned out, then it’s likely you’re worrying a lot, causing mental strain. You need help ending the cycle of worry, which will drag you down. A good therapist or coach can help.
2. Self-care. No, I’m not talking about bubble baths. But you have to take care of your body and mind. This means getting enough sleep, eating enough food regularly throughout the day, moving your body, getting outside, and spending quality time with family and friends who love you unconditionally and aren’t your kid(s).
3. Take breaks. You’ve got so much on your plate, but you can probably squeeze in a few 5-minute breaks to stare off into space, meditate, stretch, or have a cold glass of water or hot cup of tea. Do something to ground yourself in your body and mind and remind yourself that while your problems are serious, the world is still happening all around you.
4. Give yourself more love. Most of us are pretty critical of ourselves. If you’re struggling to support a child in eating disorder treatment, you need to balance your go-go-go attitude with rest and self-compassion. Research shows that people who practice self-compassion feel better and do better, so it’s a win-win.
5. Get support. You know your child needs support in eating disorder treatment, but do you know that you need support, too? Parents are essential to treatment and recovery, but it takes a toll. Ask your child’s providers for recommendations for a therapist, coach, parenting class, or other way to prevent burnout during your child’s eating disorder treatment.

See Our Guide To Parenting A Child With An Eating Disorder