Category: Positive Body Image

“My body image has been terrible my whole life, and now I see the same thing happening with my girls,” says Liz. “I want to improve my daughters’ body image, but it feels impossible sometimes.”

Liz isn’t alone. Negative body image is a major issue, particularly for girls. One survey of 11–16-year-olds found that 79% said how they look is important to them, and over half (52%) often worry about how they look.

Poor body image is associated with many negative health outcomes, from anxiety and depression to eating disorders and suicidality. Given this, Liz is right to worry about her girls and it makes sense to find ways to improve their body image as much as possible.

Luckily, there is a lot that parents can do to improve girls’ body image.

How to help a girl with body image issues

To get some help with this topic, I spoke with Amelia Sherry, MPH, RD, CDCES, founder of NourishHer.com and author of Diet-Proof Your Daughter: A Mother’s Guide to Raising Girls Who Have Happy, Healthy Relationships with Food and Body. She knows personally how hard it is to navigate body image issues when raising daughters. 

“When my own daughters’ bodies started changing in preparation for puberty, it triggered a lot of emotion in me ,” she says. “And seeing my discomfort with those changes made me realize that I still had  a lot of work to do with regard to my own body image issues. I had to remind myself that weight gain, particularly in adolescent girls, was perfectly normal and perfectly healthy. ”

“As a dietitian, I knew the “right” things to say and do in terms of allowing them to eat food they enjoy and eat as much as they need to feel full and satisfied,” says Amelia. “But because of my own history with disordered eating and dieting, trusting them with food and giving them that freedom didn’t come naturally. It was challenging, and a lot more triggering and a lot more emotional than I realized it would be.”

At least as far back as middle school, Amelia remembers feeling judged and criticized about her body. “I was chubby, so I started dieting and trying to lose weight,” she says. In high school she experimented with purging, and in college she used exercise to control her weight. 

Luckily for Amelia, when she started living on her own and feeling less judged, she started resolving her relationship with food and her body. Healing her relationship with herself led her to become a dietitian who helps families develop positive, happy relationships with food.

How to improve girls’ body image and self-esteem

After helping her own daughters get through puberty with their body image and a set of positive eating skills intact, Amelia started using the same framework to help other mothers who have a history of disordered eating do the same. Here are her five  top tips for improving body image and self-esteem in girls:

1. Trust girls to eat as much or as little as they like

Encourage girls to listen to their bodies as opposed to taking information about how much to eat from the outside world. We can show our trust by avoiding commenting on how much they are eating. And if our daughters’ eating or appetites make us uncomfortable, we can look inward to ask ourselves why. 

2. Accept our daughters’ natural body size and shape

Being accepting of their appetites as well as their food likes and dislikes. That doesn’t mean we avoid exposing them to new foods or offering balanced meals, by the way. 

3. Rethink what it means to be a healthy eater

We have been conditioned to think of healthy eating as eating in a way that controls our weight. However, when we understand that body weight is not an indicator of health we allow ourselves and our daughters to eat in more relaxed, confident ways as opposed to being restrictive and fearful. 

4. Be aware of the influences and pressures our daughters are under

From social media and peers, to diet culture and health culture. Teaching them to be critical thinkers, and conscious consumers of media can help them avoid ramping up their own body dissatisfaction. We can also protect our daughters from dieting by being aware of the influences in our own lives as a parent, such as the pressure to raise a perfect eater. 

5. Keep nutrition simple

Emphasizing the importance of getting enough to eat and eating variety–more diversity means more nutrients–as opposed to focusing on complex information and avoiding foods and food groups and specific nutrients can help protect our daughters from diets. Teaching them to be skeptical of eating fads and trends as well as being aware of the dangers of dieting is essential too. 

What do you say to your daughter with body image issues?

It’s very common to praise little girls for their looks. Whether you call your daughter beautiful or cute, appearance-based praise can work against positive body image because it reinforces the idea that girls and women are valued primarily for their appearance. 

“Non-looks-based compliments boost our kids’ resilience against dieting, disordered eating, body comparison, and body dissatisfaction,” says Amelia. “Specifically, I suggest we move away from saying things like “you’re so cute” or “you’re so pretty” and instead say things that focus on who your daughter is and what she’s capable of.”

Here are some ideas for non-looks-based-compliments Amelia suggests:

• I love that you’re not afraid to show your emotions
• You’re really loyal to people you care about and I admire that!
• I love that you feel comfortable enough to tell others how you feel.
• I appreciate how brave you are when it comes to meeting new people.
• You’re really good at being open to people who are different from you.
• It’s awesome that you’re always willing to make a new friend.
• I like how you choose to wear something comfortable – that was well thought out!
• I’m so impressed that you’ve been getting to bed on time – that’s not always easy to do!
• I admire how you listen to your body and eat as much or as little as feels right for you.

Social media and body image

Body image has always been tricky for girls in our society, but it has definitely gotten worse with the rise of social media. And while it’s very challenging to change social media usage in kids, it can make a huge difference in their mental health and wellbeing. 

Teens and young adults who reduced their social media use by 50% for just a few weeks saw significant improvement in how they felt about both their weight and their overall appearance compared with peers who maintained consistent levels of social media use, according to research published by the American Psychological Association.

If you’d like some more ideas about limiting your daughter’s social media use, here are a few articles: 

Why it’s time to worry about Instagram and body image in girls

Instagram is a popular platform that many young girls enjoy for connection and creativity, but it also poses hidden risks to their body image and self-esteem. While Instagram itself isn’t inherently…

Raising a diet-proof daughter

Dieting is the best predictor of eating disorders, which affect about 9% of the population and are the second-most deadly mental disorder. But dieting has many other negative health outcomes. For example, almost everyone who diets ends up weight cycling, which reduces cardiometabolic health. 

Amelia encourages families to raise diet-proof kids who will not fall prey to dangerous weight loss programs. “When you’re raising a diet-proof daughter, you’re teaching her to listen to her body, enjoy her appetite, take pleasure in food, and have a good perspective on eating and physical health,” she says. “You want her to listen to herself, honor herself, respect her body and her needs, her pleasures and appetite. If you do that, she’ll find a good balance between good nutrition and self-care.” 

“Elements of diet culture–such as cutting out specific nutrients or entire food groups–will put her health at risk, which is the exact opposite of what diet promoters and “health gurus” promise our girls,” says Amelia. “Feeding yourself is the ultimate act of self care. It’s the most basic thing, and it gets overlooked. So that’s what I want parents to focus on with their girls, making sure they are well fed–that they get enough food and that they feel good about eating. This is the best way to make sure they’re well-nourished both physically and emotionally. I want families to raise girls who are able to eat without feeling judged. There are so many benefits to that.”

With these ideas and more, parents can do a lot to improve girls’ body image.

---

Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.

See Our Parent’s Guide To Body Image And Eating Disorders

Body shaming in school can deeply affect a child’s self-esteem, mental health, and overall well-being. As a parent, learning how to recognize, address, and prevent body shaming is essential to protect your child and foster a positive body image.

This guide offers practical advice on how to support your child, communicate effectively with teachers and administrators, and empower your child to build resilience against harmful comments. By taking proactive steps, you can help create a safer, more accepting environment where your child feels confident and valued just as they are.

The problem with body shaming at school

Body shaming at school is a major problem that’s linked to poor mental health and increases in anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and more.

Body shaming can have a significant impact on a child’s lifelong mental health. Constant negative comments or scrutiny about appearance can lead to low self-esteem, body dissatisfaction, and a negative body image. This, in turn, can contribute to the development of anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.

Body shaming is so common in school that many people don’t even notice it or believe it is harmless or unstoppable (“kids will be kids”). However, school body shaming has major impacts on kids’ wellbeing, and intervention is both possible and necessary.

In this guide you’ll learn how to intervene effectively and support your child if they’re experiencing body shaming at school.

What sort of body shaming happens at school?

Kids are creative, and they can find countless reasons to tease their peers. This teasing can be traumatic, particularly at the difficult stage of development during middle school. Most teasing focuses on various common body traits, including:

• Weight
• Height
• Skin (color and appearance)
• Hair
• Features (nose, ears, feet, etc.)
• Visible differences and disabilities

The list of body-based taunts is seemingly endless, and peers, particularly middle schoolers, seem inherently gifted when it comes to creating them. All body-shaming and bullying should be dealt with quickly by adults. Fat-shaming and body shaming are linked to eating disorders, the second-most deadly mental disorder and the cause of much suffering and heartache.

Read more: Body Image and Eating Disorders

Example of body shaming at school

Here’s an example that’s very common:

“Are you pregnant?” asks the 11-year old boy, pointing at her stomach and immediately breaking into laughter, encouraging everyone around him to look and laugh as well.

And the girl, stunned, looks down at her belly and wonders, perhaps for the first time, if her body is bad. Shame rises and fills her whole body.

People say terrible things, but it is perhaps never more common than in schools. The body-shaming, fatphobia, and fat-shaming that runs rampant in schools is ruthless and without boundaries. People of all sizes and shapes are harassed at this most vulnerable and awkward time of body development. But of course, it is far worse for kids who have larger bodies.

How to deal with body shaming at school

If you have a child who is in middle school, remember that body shaming can happen to kids of all genders and of all body types, though it is far worse for kids with larger bodies. Both boys and girls are the recipients and the perpetrators of body shaming. Here’s what I recommend:

1. Talk about body shaming

Talk about body shaming and fat-shaming early and often with your child. Become educated about the benefits of a non-diet approach to health and make sure that you are not your child’s primary body bully.

2. Explore your own feelings about your kid’s body

As your child’s body changes in middle school, make sure you are not criticizing or objectifying it. This is hard. In our culture, we are trained to objectify and criticize bodies, particularly girls’ bodies. Work on your own feelings and thoughts about your kid’s body. Children are extremely sensitive to parental judgment, so if you have negative feelings about your child’s body, they will almost certainly sense your disapproval.

3. Don’t body-shame yourself or anyone else

It’s fairly common in our culture to make negative body comments about yourself and other people. However, this practice models body-shaming behavior and makes it harder for a child to stand up to body bullies. It’s important that you don’t bully your own body or that of anyone else. This includes criticizing people in the airport, on buses, and on television for their body sizes. Take a weight-neutral approach to everyone with the belief that other people’s bodies are none of your business.

4. Teach them to respond to body shaming

The fact is that we live in a body-shaming society. Teach your child some good responses for when other people make comments about their bodies.

Help them develop a few scripts ready to go for the most common body taunts. Work on these with your child so they have the confidence to use them. Ideally, the responses should be crisp and maintain a sense of personal power. For example:

• I don’t recall asking you for your opinion on my body.
• Dude, what are you, a body-shamer? Dumb.
• Haven’t you heard? It’s 2024 and people aren’t body shaming any more.
• No, I’m not pregnant. Are you?
• The last thing I care about is what you think about my body.
• Stop talking about my body.
• I like my body. Thankfully my opinion of myself is not dependent on your opinion of me.

The old advice to just ignore it or walk away may work sometimes, but if your child is physically safe and emotionally supported, you can encourage them to speak up for themselves. The key is for them to feel confident and as if they deserve to talk back to a body bully (which they do!).

5. Teach them to be an upstander

You want your child to be prepared if body-shaming comes their way. But also make sure they are not the perpetrators of body shaming and that they stand up for people who are being body-shamed in front of them. Your child may never be body-shamed, but they are still a victim of our society’s body hate if they stand by while it’s happening to someone else. And they are perpetuating great harm if they body-shame someone else.

6. Shake it off

It would be great if nobody was ever body-shamed again. But it’s unlikely that we’ll see a massive cultural shift as long as your child is living with you. So for now, it helps to teach your child some tricks for shaking off body-shaming comments. Here is some advice for shaking off the negative feelings we get after encountering body-shaming:

• Talk it out with someone you can trust. Shame thrives in secrecy, so talking about body shaming incidents can help reduce the sting.
• Remember that other people’s words do not define who you are as a person.
• Think about whether you can/should take any corrective action.
• Stay away from the person/people who body shamed you.
• Block and report online body shamers on social media platforms.
• Block body shamers from texting or phoning you.

7. Report bullying

It’s true that we can’t protect our children from all forms of body shaming and fat-shaming. In fact, most of us experience body shaming in our own homes! However, if you suspect that your child is being bullied in a way that is dangerous to their mental and physical health, please reach out for support.

It can help to keep a record of incidents to document the body bullying. This should log the date, time, person(s) involved, verbal and physical actions.

Speak with your child’s school principal and school psychologist and get a copy of the school’s bullying policy. Hopefully, they will respond to the situation adequately. If you feel your child’s school is not doing enough to protect your child, seek the support of someone who can help you navigate the tricky task of parenting a child who is being bullied. They should be able to support you in both reporting the problem and helping your child through this situation.

Why body shaming at school needs to stop

Eating disorders frequently begin during middle school. Eating disorders are linked with body-based bullying and our society’s obsession with appearance, particularly the avoidance of fat (fatphobia).

Bodies, particularly girls’ bodies, change drastically during middle school. It’s not uncommon for girls to gain about 40 lbs during puberty, and it can take years for that additional weight, which is a critical part of their development, to shift and settle into the adult body taking shape. A girls’ body becomes open to admiration, objectification, criticism, and ridicule during puberty, and all are harmful predictors of eating disorders.

Parents can help kids avoid eating disorders with the following steps:

Never Do These 3 Things:

1. Body-Shaming: do not body-shame your child, yourself, or anyone else. Body shaming is the act of judging a person for their body size, shape, color, weight, ability, and appearance. Parents frequently are unintentional body shamers who are trying to help their children “be healthy” which in our society means to lose weight and be thin.

2. Food Policing: do not police your child’s food or suggest they will be better if they eat a certain way. It’s common to judge kids for choosing “unhealthy” or “bad” food. Parents frequently are unintentional food shamers who are trying to help their children “make good choices” which in our society means avoiding foods that supposedly lead to weight gain (e.g. carbs, fat, etc.). 

3. Dieting: do not diet or allow dieting in your family. Eating disorders almost always begin with a diet. Dieting is defined as any eating and/or exercise conducted with the purpose (sometimes unconscious) of weight loss. Most “wellness lifestyles” are diets in disguise. Parents frequently introduce dieting to their children, despite the fact that diets do not improve health and lead to weight gain and eating disorders.

Body-shaming online and offline

About 30% of girls and 24% of boys report daily bullying, teasing and/or rejection based on their body size. These numbers are doubled (63% of girls and 58% of boys) for high school students who are living in larger bodies. [Pediatrics]

It’s dangerous online, too. Way back in 2011, 16% of high school students were victims of electronic bullying in the previous year. [CDC] This number has undoubtedly skyrocketed since then.

This is why it’s important for parents to talk with their kids early and often about body image and eating disorders. Parents should also avoid food policing and prevent dieting. Our kids are going to be exposed to all of these dangerous practices, and the best protection we can offer is education and support as they navigate the culture in which we live.

---

Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.

See Our Parent’s Guide To Body Image And Eating Disorders

Take this quiz to find out whether you are fatphobic or body positive. If you’re a parent, this is really important, because our feelings about our own bodies impact how our kids feel about theirs.

Eating disorders are much more complex than body image, but negative body image is a hallmark of an eating disorder. We live in a culture that is strongly weight-biased and fatphobic. Our cultural messages assert that a person is healthier, smarter, and more worthy if they live in a smaller body. Weight stigma is very harmful to all of us, but it is especially damaging to people who live in larger bodies and people who are susceptible to eating disorders.

Parents who want to prevent eating disorders or help a child who has an eating disorder to recover can learn about weight stigma and adopt a non-diet, weight-neutral, and body positive attitude.

Quiz: Are You Body Positive?

Most of us have assumptions about body size, eating behaviors and exercise patterns. To help kids avoid the worst of negative body image and eating disorders, it can be very helpful if we challenge our own assumptions about bodies, weight, and health. Take this quiz to see how you do.

Body positive parenting

Our society is steeped in weight stigma. Many of us make body-based, weight-stigmatizing comments without even thinking of it – it’s just a part of our culture. But if a parent can learn to stop these automatic statements, we can help our child reduce the focus on the body as a signal of “goodness” and even “health” and instead help them recognize that they are inherently worthy, and fat is not the worst thing a person can be. This approach will reduce eating disorders since fatphobia is a known contributor.

Here are some things we recommend parents stop doing to create a body positive environment for their children:

1. Do not praise/criticize individual body parts

Look at those abs! She has a tummy roll. Your legs are so long. You have such a tiny waist. She has huge thighs.
We are not objects, but whole people. Avoid picking apart human beings based on their individual body parts. Don’t do this with your own body, your child’s body, or any other person’s body. Human beings are much more than any one part of themselves. While these comments may seem positive of “factual,” they bring the focus onto the body, and one of our goals is to develop a holistic view of health and bodies rather than a parts-based perspective.

2. Do not provide feedback on weight loss/gain 

You’ve lost weight! She lost a ton of weight last year. You look great – did you lose weight? 
We need to stop assuming that weight loss is a positive thing that we can openly make comments about. It may seem normal to mention that someone has lost weight, but the assumption that weight loss is always a positive supports some of the fundamental disordered thoughts that drive eating disorders. Similarly, we want to avoid criticizing ourselves or others when they gain weight. This perpetuates fatphobic ideas about weight that are strongly associated with eating disorders and, paradoxically, weight gain.

3. Do not provide feedback about “flattering” clothes

That’s so slimming on you. I look fat in this. That’s really flattering. That shirt makes her look huge. That belt makes her waist look tiny.
When we comment on clothing as either “flattering” or “not flattering,” what we are really saying is that everyone should aspire to look thin. This supports the notion that thinness is best, and fuels disordered eating. If you struggle to accept body positivity, then begin by not using the words “flattering” or “slimming.” Also avoid commenting on the physical appearance of yourself, your children, and other people.

4. Avoid feedback on eating and exercise behaviors

You’re so healthy for running every day. She’s such a good/healthy eater. She eats like a pig. He’s a total slob.
Our culture has promoted many unhealthy ideas about eating and physical behavior. Basically, we believe that people who are thin eat only “healthy” foods and exercise regularly. This is not actually true, and the only information we gain by looking at someone is our own level of weight bias. We need to stop praising “health” behaviors to help our children find an intuitive way to relate to their bodies that involve eating foods that make them feel good and exercising in ways that bring happiness, not pain.

Body positive resources

Body positive parenting can help our children avoid and/or recover from an eating disorder. It’s OK if this is all new to you – there are a lot of resources available to help! The first step in becoming body positive is dropping weight stigma. Great ways to do this is to read one of these books:

• The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor – about the dignity of all bodies
• You Have the Right to Remain Fat by Virgie Tovar – a powerful call to action for any body
• Body Respect by Lindo Bacon and Lucy Aphramor – about the science of weight

When “body positive” is not body positive

Many brands and influencers have noticed that the term “body positive” has gained social traction. As a result, they are taking on the term as a marketing opportunity rather than truly understanding the purpose of the movement. Specifically, Instagram is littered with accounts that use the hashtag #bodypositive or one of its variations, but they still espouse diet culture and are decidedly not weight-neutral or fat-positive. Some signs to look for to establish whether a brand or influencer is truly body-positive include:

• Are the models/images primarily showing white, cisgender, able-bodied, Photoshop-enhanced, conventionally attractive, thin people? Body positivity is about inclusivity, so you should see a range of skin colors, gender identities, and body sizes, shapes, and abilities.
• If it’s a clothing brand, does the brand offer sizing above 12/14? About 60% of the population wears plus sizes, yet plus-size models are a rarity. If a brand says it is “body positive” but does not provide clothing for people living in larger bodies, then it’s co-opting the movement for marketing purposes.
• Does the text contain messages about weight loss and/or weight maintenance as if that is a good/positive/healthy pursuit? Body positivity must operate from a weight-neutral perspective.
• Does the messaging suggest that the pursuit of health is defined as eating a certain way or exercising? Body positivity must operate from a behavior-neutral standpoint and not place value judgments on food choices or exercise behaviors.

---

Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.

See Our Parent’s Guide To Body Image And Eating Disorders