If your daughter is binge eating, it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed, confused, or even desperate to regain a sense of control. You might wonder if limiting access to food, like locking the pantry, is the right move to stop the behavior. But while this instinct makes sense, restricting food often worsens binge eating rather than helping it. In this response to a reader’s question, I’ll share what binge eating really is, why it happens, and how you can support your daughter with care, compassion, and effective strategies that don’t rely on shame, fear, or control.

Dear Ginny,

I just put a lock on the pantry because my daughter binge eats. I know that binge eating is so unhealthy for her, and it seems to be getting worse. She just eats and eats. If I buy a package of cookies, it’s gone by the next day. Same with almost anything sweet, crunchy, or carby. She mainly does this at night when we’re all asleep. The fact that she’s sneaking the food is upsetting enough, but it’s even worse when she lies about it and pretends that the food I just bought has disappeared.

Not only do I worry about her health, I just can’t afford to buy so much food right now. Last night I lost my temper and installed a lock on the pantry doors. I also told her that I will no longer buy any processed foods or things she binge eats like bread, crackers, etc. I guess we all have to go on a diet because she can’t control herself!

I’m really frustrated, and this seems like the only solution. Am I doing the right thing? Should I get a lock for the refrigerator, too?

Signed, locks are the only thing that work

Dear Locks,

I’m so sorry to hear this. I know how hard it is to work with children who seem out of control around food. And I know that you are doing the very best you can in the circumstances. Lots of parents in your situation have put a lock on the pantry because it seems like the only solution.

What I would like to do is provide you with some information about binge eating and the treatment for binge eating. I hope that this information will help you understand your daughter’s eating disorder behaviors. It should provide some insight into how you can help.

About binge eating disorder

Binge eating is often presented as a lack of willpower. But it’s important to know that frequent binge eating is actually a symptom of an eating disorder. Binge Eating Disorder is the most common form of eating disorder, and it impacts far more people than either Anorexia or Bulimia. This means it’s not just frustrating and costly, it’s also a mental disorder that requires professional treatment.

Importantly, binge eating is often the third stage in a cycle. Usually it begins with negative body thoughts, which leads to food restriction. The No. 1 outcome of food restriction is binge eating. Even the thought that food might be unavailable, shameful, or disallowed can be enough to trigger a binge eating episode. But remember – the binge eating comes after restriction.

That’s why treatment for binge eating disorder typically involves taking a non-diet approach to health and supporting people in healing their relationship with food and their body.

Professional evaluation & support

I recommend that you seek professional evaluation and support for your child’s binge eating. Treating binge eating with dieting or restriction of any type can be very harmful, so it’s important to work with professionals who follow a non-diet, Health At Every Size® approach. We have a directory of professionals who can help.

As for putting a lock on the pantry and refrigerator, that can be very harmful for someone who is struggling with an eating disorder. I completely understand the desire to eliminate the temptation of binge foods for your child. That makes a lot of intuitive sense.

However, locking the pantry and restricting food can exacerbate the pain and suffering of living with an eating disorder. And, in fact, most providers who successfully treat people with Binge Eating Disorder actually encourage full access to binge foods to reduce the sense of restriction that often drives the behavior.

They also institute regular meal and snack times and a mix of all types of foods (including sugar and carbs) throughout the day. This treatment is consistent with how we treat people who have anorexia and bulimia, because someone who has an eating disorder needs to learn to normalize all foods and experience natural, intuitive sensations of hunger and fullness throughout the day.

Emotional pain & suffering

Almost all eating disorders are founded on emotional pain and suffering. Eating disorders are a powerful form of self-soothing and self-care for people who are in emotional pain. We have this video about maladaptive coping mechanisms to help explain this concept:

Rather than take away a person’s form of self-soothing (the eating disorder behaviors), we want to first address the emotional pain and provide new options for self-soothing. This is why therapy is almost always a part of eating disorder recovery.

Instead of locking the pantry and not buying binge foods, make an appointment with a professional who can help you get to the bottom of your daughter’s eating behaviors.

You may be surprised to know that binge eating disorder treatment often includes two key components:

1. Remove all restriction on eating and food

Treatment often includes regular meal and snack times throughout the day. Binge eating disorder, like all eating disorders, is often based on some form of restriction.

Many people eat less than they want to throughout the day and then find themselves binge eating at night to make up for the calorie deficit. By removing food restrictions and encouraging regular meal times and eating patterns through the day, including “junk” foods, we can often reduce the desire to binge eat.

In almost all cases of binge eating disorder, we need to begin by investigating why the disorder is present. What is being restricted, physically and emotionally, to create the conditions for binge eating? How can we support the person who is struggling without exacerbating this restriction with the use of more restriction like locks on the pantry?

2. Learn emotional regulation

Eating disorders are strongly associated with poor emotional regulation skills. This means that treating an eating disorder includes learning how to process feelings and emotions in real-time throughout the day. Often, when we see a person binge eating, we also see that feelings are restricted. When repressed, these feelings become overwhelming and “too much.” Food can be a comfort and a distraction.

If a person doesn’t have healthy emotional processing skills, they may turn to restriction and food as a way to cope with big feelings. This is why psychotherapy is critical for most people who recover from an eating disorder. Learning to accept and take care of our feelings is often the single most important thing we need to do to recover from an eating disorder.

Parents make a huge difference in their kids’ ability to regulate emotions. In fact, we have an emotional superhighway with our kids that can rather quickly get them on the right track for regulating their emotions in a more adaptive way. This means that instead of focusing on the physical aspects of the disorder (food and eating), you can instead focus on the emotional aspects of the disorder and make a big impact.

My advice on whether to lock the pantry

Your daughter’s binge eating is undoubtedly scary and even infuriating for you. That makes a lot of sense. I know this is hard and I am in no way minimizing your experience of her behavior.

At the same time, it’s important to know that your response to her binge eating can make a world of difference in her recovery. I hear that you are at your wits’ end and think the best approach is to lock the pantry. But before you add any more locks or change your shopping habits, I encourage you to open the conversation with her about food restriction and emotional health. Ask her how she is feeling when she goes to the pantry at night. Meanwhile, reach out to a professional who can help you navigate your daughter’s behavior.

I wish you all the best, and send you so much love as you navigate this with your family.

xoxo Ginny

See Our Parent’s Guide To The Different Eating Disorder Behaviors

If your child is overeating or sneaking food, it can be deeply worrying and even confusing as a parent. You might feel unsure how to respond without making the problem worse or triggering shame. The truth is, these behaviors often have emotional roots and are rarely about “willpower” or defiance. Below is my response to a worried parent to help understand what might be going on beneath the surface and offer compassionate, effective ways to support your child’s relationship with food.

Dear Ginny,

My child has a problem — he overeats and sneaks food. Once he starts eating, he can’t stop, and often he eats so much that he becomes visibly miserable. I recently found out that he has been hiding food from me and sneak-eating behind my back. He’s always been on the larger side, and now he’s gaining a lot of weight. He’s getting really big and I’m scared it’s my fault! I’m so worried about his health. I’ve been buying less of his binge foods and often hide food from him in an attempt to help. What else can I do?

Signed, Scared He’s Eating Too Much

Dear Scared,

First, I’m so sorry to hear this. We live in a culture that teaches us to worry about food and weight, and I know how very hard it is to parent in these conditions. Parents are blamed and shamed for how and what their kids eat and how much they weigh. It makes sense that you’re worried about this. I understand.

Why is he eating so much food?

Next, let’s take a look at his food behavior. You are right to be concerned. Since your child overeats and sneaks food to the point of discomfort, he’s struggling with food and likely with weight, too. He may or may not have a diagnosable condition like binge eating disorder or another eating disorder.

While most people assume people with eating disorders are very thin, only 6% of people with eating disorders appear underweight. The rest are in medium to larger bodies. Let’s break down some important terms:

• Overeating is most often a response to restriction and under-eating. When eating is regular and adequate, overeating typically resolves itself. It may also be a symptom of emotional eating, or eating to soothe emotions. If this is the case, the person should still begin by eating regular, adequate meals. At the same time, they can get support in developing non-food methods of self-soothing. Keep in mind that it’s not appropriate to limit or restrict food to treat overeating because doing so typically exacerbates the problem.
• Binge eating involves eating large quantities of food in a single sitting followed by shame and self-recrimination. Binge eating, when done regularly and over time, is a symptom of an eating disorder and needs professional care. As with overeating, binge eating treatment involves eating enough food and building emotional regulation skills.
• Sneak eating is a signal that someone is feeling shame about food. As with overeating, the treatment includes eating enough food and working on emotional regulation skills. Sneaking food also indicates a relational issue that can be addressed in family therapy.

Based on your letter, I encourage you to seek professional support for your son’s eating behaviors as soon as possible. Make an appointment with a registered dietitian who practices from a non-diet approach. This is critical because any form of restriction or pursuit of weight loss can be damaging to your son’s health. Please also seek the support of a therapist who can provide an assessment for binge eating disorder.

We have a directory of non-diet professionals to help you get started: Directory

Why does my child overeat and sneak food?

The most common reason people overeat is an underlying sense of restriction or sensation that they cannot get enough food. In some cases, hunger is entirely physical. When we ignore or override hunger due to shame and/or restriction, it can become overwhelming and lead to binge eating. If your son is restricting food or feels he should restrict food this can create an unfortunate doom loop in which restriction breeds overeating/binge eating.

Binge eating, overeating, and sneak eating are usually caused by food restriction. This can mean your child isn’t eating enough food. However, even if he is technically eating enough food but he believes and/or is being told he should restrict his food, that can have a surprising result. It turns out that both physical and mental restrictions result in overeating and binge eating.

Beyond feeding hunger, overeating and binge eating can become a psychological coping method. All of us need ways to regulate our emotions. If a child does not learn healthy, adaptive emotional coping skills, they may turn to food as a way to self-soothe. This is natural and normal, but it can become destructive and harmful by perpetuating shame and driving the binge eating cycle.

Therefore, if your child has developed overeating or emotional eating as a coping method, he needs support in building alternative coping methods. But at no time should food be restricted or taken away from him. Unlike the abstinence approach in substance addiction treatment, food restriction is never a good idea when food is a coping method. There are many biological and psychological reasons for this, but science says it drives the binge eating cycle.

Surprisingly, people who struggle with binge eating disorder often recover when they are given unconditional social permission to eat exactly the type and quantity of food they want. This, combined with therapy and emotional regulation skills, often provides the foundation for recovery.

Parents and disordered eating

If a parent has restricted a child’s food choices in any way or judged a child who overeats and sneaks food, the child’s natural drive for food can become complicated and fraught with emotion. They’re more likely to develop disordered eating and weight issues. This is not our fault; we live in a dangerous culture that promotes disordered eating practices.

But once we know the truth about how this affects our kids we can dive in, learn new things, and change how we approach food and weight.

One of the most common challenges in our culture is that parents are afraid that if they have a larger child, they will be judged and criticized for their child’s weight. And indeed they might. However, weight is largely genetic and parents should not be criticized when a child is larger.

Fear of judgment can lead parents to create an environment of restriction and shame around food and eating. Unfortunately, a family attitude of shame and restriction around food is a leading environmental cause of disordered eating and weight issues.

Parents’ well-meaning concerns can lead us to restrict our child’s choices and quantity of food, which can have the unintended consequence of leading to food and weight issues. We must work to overcome our weight stigma and reject diet culture to raise healthy children.

5 Things Parents Can Do If A Child Overeats And Sneaks Food

1. Learn more about a non-diet approach to health. While counter to popular culture, this is a well-established science-backed approach to health that doesn’t focus on weight loss. You can check out my Non-Diet/Health At Every Size Fact Sheets or read this article: Data in support of the non-diet approach to health.

2. Try to understand why your child overeats and sneaks food. Most of us jump to conclusions and make assumptions about the reasons for overeating and sneaking food. It’s surprising, but the No. 1 cause of binge eating is restrictive eating. Try to eliminate food restriction (dieting) in your household. If your child is using food to self-soothe, get them support and help them build other emotional regulation skills.

3. Don’t restrict, hide, or limit food in any way. It may feel like the right thing to do, but restricting food for a child who is overeating is very likely to lead to more serious problems. Restricting food adds hunger and shame to an already complicated situation. A child who overeats and sneaks food needs less restriction, not more.

4. Serve regular, substantial meals, and eat together. The most effective treatment for binge eating is eating regular, substantial meals with other people. Serve substantial, regular meals, and eat together in a positive, relaxed setting. I know we’re all busy, but try to eat together as often as possible.

5. Get your child support. When a child overeats and sneaks food it’s a good idea to seek professional help. However, not just anyone is suited to supporting your child. Unfortunately, most professionals operate from the old paradigm, which involves a lot of weight stigma. Instead, seek professionals who practice from a non-diet perspective. They are less likely to do harm and more likely to help.

Help him heal his relationship with food

I understand that weight and overeating are significant concerns. Of course you want to raise a healthy, happy child. And the counterintuitive way to do this is to stop assuming that food restriction and weight loss are a path to health and happiness.

Adopting a non-diet approach to health will make a significant difference in your son’s eating habits. You may notice that when given full unrestricted access to food he eats even more at first, but you must be patient and understand that such behavior is a natural response to restriction. His hunger will settle down once he trusts that his needs will always be met. You must truly believe that your child’s drive to eat is natural and healthy, and you must fully support his eating patterns and body size. 

Work on your own beliefs about food and weight, and give yourself time to learn new concepts and adjust to a new relationship with food and weight.

Most importantly, please know that you are correct to be concerned about your son’s eating disorder behavior. He is currently in danger. This is not a situation that will naturally fix itself, and it will take significant effort on your part to help him. The good news is that your active involvement in supporting his relationship with food and eating will have lifelong consequences on his health and wellbeing.

The elephant in the room: weight

Finally, let’s consider your other main concern, his weight. Most parents have been told and deeply believe that they are responsible for controlling their kids’ weight, which often involves limiting and restricting food. While this is common advice, it backfires. Science says that parents who worry about and try to control their children’s eating and weight are more likely to have kids with eating and weight issues than those who don’t. The best alternative is the non-diet approach to health, which prioritizes healthy behaviors without focusing on weight outcomes.

It’s not your fault if you’ve been worrying about your child’s weight, but the fact is that it’s far better for your child’s lifetime wellness if you use a non-diet approach to health.

Your son has always been in a larger body, and he will likely always be in a larger body. Body weight is mostly genetic, which means his body size is largely out of your control. You can take managing his weight off your list of responsibilities. He will be more likely to be healthy if you are not trying to reduce his weight.

You may understandably believe that the problem is his eating and weight, but the more likely problem is the sense of restriction and shame he feels around eating and weight. You can help him by building your understanding of weight stigma and finding ways to validate your son exactly as he is, regardless of his weight.

See Our Parent’s Guide To The Different Eating Disorder Behaviors

It’s great when kids find joy in movement, but what happens when exercise becomes too much of a focus? If your child is constantly working out, gets anxious when they miss a session, or chooses exercise over socializing, eating, or resting, it might be a sign of a deeper issue.

With all the benefits of exercise, many parents don’t expect their kids to exercise too much. In fact, over-exercising or compulsive exercising may be a symptom of something more serious going on. If you have a child who seems to exercise too much, it’s important to step in and help them find balance with movement and their body.

This guide will help you recognize when exercise is no longer healthy and what to do if you’re concerned your child is overexercising.

Signs of compulsive exercise

Compulsive exercise often starts with all the best intentions. Your child may love a sport and passionately pursue being the best they possibly can. Another child may have heard that exercise is really healthy, and they want to be as healthy as possible. Yet another kid might believe that exercise will help them lose weight, which they are desperate to do. Regardless of the reason why your child tends to exercise too much, the symptoms include:

• Exercising multiple times per day
• Feelings of guilt and shame if a workout is missed, even if it’s for good reason
• Tracking all exercise and maintaining extensive logs of exercise performed
• Exercising to burn calories or lose weight
• Wearing an exercise tracker and feeling driven to exercise more based on its feedback
• Having rigid rules about what forms of exercise “count” vs. those that “don’t count”
• Exercising even when sick with symptoms like fever, congestion, and infection
• Not being willing to skip a workout while on vacation, spending time with family, or when invited on an outing with friends
• Exercising even when clearly not enjoying the activity
• Being very rigid with exercise and exhibiting signs of stress when it’s not possible to follow their routine
• Hiding exercise from parents, family, and friends, such as doing crunches in their room behind a locked door
• Only eating after exercising, and believing that if exercise is not completed, they don’t “deserve” food
• Constantly adding new exercises to existing routine to make it longer and harder
• Following #fitspo accounts for constant fitness inspiration

Consequences of compulsive exercise

Exercising long, hard, and frequently is considered a virtue in our fitness-obsessed culture. But the surprising fact is that over-exercising is not healthy, and may even harm health.

If your child is exercising too much, they may be developing an eating disorder. While compulsive exercise is not recognized as its own eating disorder, it frequently appears alongside eating disorders.

The saying “there’s no such thing as too much of a good thing” is decidedly wrong when it comes to exercise. Compulsive exercise is a mental condition that falls under Obsessive Compulsive Disorders. It can have serious health impacts including:

• High risk of anxiety and depression
• Increased probability of eating disorders
• Decreased connection with family, friends, and peers
• Loss of menstrual cycle, leading to calcium and bone loss
• Chronic bone & joint pain
• High risk of injury such as stress fractures, etc.
• Increased frequency of illness and upper respiratory infections

Compulsive exercise often starts out for all the best reasons. But some kids are just naturally more prone to becoming obsessive about exercise. Exercising too much can hurt your child emotionally and physically, and it’s important for parents to intervene if they believe there may be a problem.

How do I know if my child has a problem?

The most important thing is to consider your child’s exercise patterns objectively. You have likely heard all the reasons they give for exercising. But take some time to look at the amount of exercise they are doing and how it is impacting their life. There’s a critical difference between healthy exercise and obsessive exercise, and you can likely sense it if you pay attention. Keep in mind that over-exercise is a core eating disorder behavior.

Here are some conditions that should make you extra-vigilant when it comes to your child’s exercise:

If they are an athlete:

A 1992 study by the American College of Sports Medicine found that more than 33% of female Division 1 NCAA athletes reported disordered eating. Obsessive exercise and dietary control are very prevalent among student athletes. Parents should be aware of whether their student athlete has a healthy relationship with exercise, food, and their body.

If they have a history of an eating disorder:

If your child has a history of an eating disorder, they need to work closely with their treatment team before engaging in any serious exercise program. Even if your child has recovered from their eating disorder, serious exercise is a potential symptom of relapse.

If they are exercising to lose weight:

Kids are surrounded by dangerous weight loss messages. It is understandable that kids want to lose weight in our society that tells them people who are thin are more valuable. But intentional weight loss fails for 95% of people, regardless of their starting weight, why they want to lose weight, or how they lose weight. If your child is exercising for weight loss purposes, you need to intervene to let them know that intentional weight loss is not healthy. It often has the opposite impact of what was intended. Intentional weight loss is also a leading cause of eating disorders.

How to help your child who exercises too much

If you believe your child exercises too much, it’s important to intervene. Remember that your goal is to raise a healthy person in both body and mind. This is not possible if they are suffering from an obsessive behavior like over-exercising.

First, gather your information. Give yourself some time to take note of your child’s exercise behaviors. Cross-reference them with the list provided above.

Next, think about your child’s behavior beyond working out. For example:

Have you noticed significant dietary changes?

Are they restricting entire food groups? Perhaps they are consuming large quantities of protein powder and protein bars, but not much else. Pay attention to their food habits and whether they have changed.

What about social changes?

Are you noticing that they aren’t as social as they once were? Perhaps their only socialization involves exercise?

How is your child’s mood?

Have you noticed that they have a lot of rigidity and anxiety around exercise? Is your child generally more grumpy or manic since they started exercising so much? Are they less available to do fun things because they are busy exercising?

Open the conversation

Once you have all of the information you can gather, open a conversation with your child. For example, “Jimmy, I’ve noticed that you’re spending most of your free time exercising, and I’m concerned.”

Don’t throw your list down on the table or demand answers. Instead, ask open-ended questions that help you have a conversation about how they are feeling about the role exercise plays in their life. For example:

• How are you feeling about how often you exercise right now?
• Do you feel anxious when you can’t fit your workouts in?
• Are you noticing that exercise sometimes interferes with other fun things in your life?
• Would you like to talk to someone about your exercise, food, and body?

The best case scenario is that they will be able to have this discussion with you non-defensively. Be curious about their experience, and look for curiosity on their end, too. Talk about the dangers of over-exercising, and agree on some reasonable expectations in terms of their exercise behavior.

If your child has a problem with compulsive exercise, it will be hard to have this conversation without them becoming defensive. For example, they may tell you that you don’t know what you’re talking about, that there’s no problem, and that you don’t support their health.

Defensiveness may be a sign that there is something going on in terms of compulsive behavior around exercise. At this point, consider bringing in a professional who can help you navigate these conversations with your child. A therapist can work with you to help you open conversations, or they can work with your child directly to identify whether there is a problem and, if so, determine treatment.

These conversations are difficult, but they are also crucial. Early, compassionate intervention by parents can help a child who is struggling with exercise compulsion get the help they need.

See Our Parent’s Guide To The Different Eating Disorder Behaviors

If you’ve discovered or suspect that your child is purging, it can be deeply alarming and confusing. You may be wondering: Why would they do this?

Purging, whether through vomiting, laxatives, or excessive exercise, often signals distress and can be part of a serious eating disorder. But it’s important to know that purging isn’t always about vanity or appearance. Some kids purge to relieve intense physical discomfort, others to cope with overwhelming emotions, and some because they’ve internalized harmful social messages about food and bodies.

Understanding the emotional and physical reasons behind purging can help you respond with empathy, open the door to meaningful conversation, and guide your child toward healing.

In this article we will review the four major reasons for purge behavior:

1. Socialized purges: these are socially accepted purge behaviors that are openly discussed in society
2. Bonding purges: teens and young adults may engage in bonding with friends by purging together
3. Weight-loss purges: purging can seem like an easy way to lose weight, especially after eating more than the person perceives is appropriate and/or binge eating
4. Soothing purges: some people experience a positive soothing quality when purging

Types of purging behavior

Purging behavior includes:

• Self-induced vomiting
• Laxatives, diuretics and weight-loss medication
• Compensatory exercise

The majority of serious purging is based on the idea of reducing calories in the body based on the mistaken assumption that weight is directly based on calories digested. But it is important to understand that purging can serve a variety of purposes in our lives.

Purging behavior is often not as “abhorrent” or “disgusting” as it may seem. Most of the reasons for a purge make a sort of sense—they can serve a very real purpose in a person’s life. It is only when a person can understand the behavior that they are able to replace it with more adaptive ones.

Purging and eating disorders

Purging behavior is not limited to Bulimia Nervosa. It can also be seen with Anorexia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder, OSFED, and many subclinical eating disorders. Purging behavior can even be a stand-alone disorder.

It’s important to know that purging to control weight rarely “works.” The body is very efficient and can adjust to purging behavior in order to maintain weight status. Thus, many people who attempt to use purging to reduce weight find themselves frustrated because it doesn’t “work.”

Purging of all types, at any level, has been correlated with other risky behaviors. These include smoking, binge drinking, and drug use. One recent finding showed that 13% of North American girls reported purging behaviors in mid-adolescence.

Reasons we purge

There are four main reasons for using purge behavior. The goal is to help you understand why someone you love is purging and how you can help them find alternative coping mechanisms. Purging doesn’t come from nowhere—there is a reason it “works.” 

The drive to purge typically involves biological, physiological, psychological, and/or social reasons. The most common reasons for purge behavior boil down to physical and/or psychological distress, often due to social pressure from diet culture to stay thin. 

When viewed through this lens, it’s easier to bring compassion and understanding to purge behavior and help the person find new coping methods. 

Purging, like all eating disorder behaviors, should be approached with understanding and compassion. This will result in better success in supporting recovery.

1. Socialized purges

Socialized purges are socially accepted purge behaviors that are openly discussed in society. The most common example takes place at large meals like Thanksgiving. Many people will talk about engaging in vigorous exercise before or after Thanksgiving dinner. They attempt to “work off” the calories from the meal.

Many family tables feature one or more parents mentioning that they will take a little less food. They say they didn’t exercise that day, and need to compensate. Or they may take a little more food because they “were good.” They say they can eat more because they exercised or restricted food earlier in the day. This is called “compensatory behavior” and is a form of calculation in which food is “earned” with the appropriate behavior.

People regularly say things like:

• I’m going to have to put in some extra miles tomorrow after all these cookies
• I shouldn’t be eating this, but I’ll go to the gym to make up for it
• I skipped breakfast so that I could indulge tonight
• I’ll have to skip breakfast tomorrow to make up for this meal
• I can eat this cupcake because I burned 500 calories on the treadmill today
• I’m off to burn 500 calories in spinning class so that I can enjoy dessert tonight.

This is socially normalized behavior, but it is also eating disorder behavior. Parents should be aware that when socialized purges are normalized, we open the door to eating disorders.

We should eliminate socialized purges and any form of food or exercise compensatory behavior from our children’s lives. Food should never be “earned” or “worked off.” It should be enjoyed and appreciated as a critical element of life.

2. Bonding purges

It is not uncommon for teens and young adults to engage in bonding with friends by purging. This may involve group vomiting, drinking laxative teas, skipping meals, and exercising after eating a meal.

Friendships are often the places where people first engage in purging behaviors. They become normalized and attractive as a result. Through friendships, people feel a sense of critical belonging and understanding. When purging becomes a part of a friendship it can become a “sticky” behavior that is done together and can spread to other friendships or become a solo practice.

The most common social example of this is sororities. Large groups of sorority sisters will share purge behaviors and “secrets” about how to purge. Many will stop doing these purge behaviors once they leave the social circle. But the baseline behavior is already normalized and reinforced, and some inevitably continue to use purging after they graduate. Socialized purges leave a person vulnerable to future mental health conditions including depression and anxiety.

Additionally, even “mild” purging behavior is correlated with high-risk behaviors including binge drinking, smoking, and drug use.

If a person is engaging in bonding purges, they may not have a diagnosable eating disorder. But all purging behavior is still a significant concern. A percentage of people who engage in bonding purges may develop additional eating disorder symptoms and behaviors.

Early intervention can make a significant impact. If you believe your child is engaging in social purges, get some coaching and support to find out how you can help them stop.

3. Weight-loss purges

We live in a society that is best described as Diet Culture. This means we have normalized and encouraged dieting for generations. But dieting is linked to higher lifetime body weight and significant health complication, including eating disorders.

Purge behavior can seem like an easy way to lose weight without cutting down on food eaten. However, purging, like all forms of weight control, does not benefit health and carries significant complications.

The desire to achieve a lower body weight is pervasive. It is especially pernicious among teenage girls, the population most vulnerable to developing eating disorders. Dieting is the most powerful predictor of an eating disorder.

Diet culture as a reason we purge

Diet culture promotes low body weight at any cost. There are countless diet programs available to support people who want to pursue intentional weight loss. But our bodies are finely tuned to maintain their own healthy body weight. This is regardless of what we would like that weight to be. Any restriction causes a healthy and intense hunger response. This often results in binge eating or eating beyond the point of physical comfort.

Often when a person is binge eating, they are driven by extreme bodily needs. In fact, restricting food is the No. 1 reason for binge eating. When binge eating, people enter a state of emotional disconnection. It’s as if the body turns the mind off so that it can take over and get what it needs.

While binge eating, a person is typically not aware of how much they are eating. Nor are they able to stop themselves. Once a person has “succumbed” to their natural biology and eaten food in response to their hunger, they may turn to purge behaviors to compensate. This can relieve both the physical discomfort and the emotional distress of “over” eating.

Even people who maintain very restricted diets and eat very little food may engage in purging. They believe it is necessary to maintain their diet and/or low weight. In this way, purging can become a part of maintaining a diet. It may occur even without binge-eating episodes.

For example, someone who is on a calorie-restricted diet may eat very little but still purge. They want to “get rid” of any calories that they believe put them over their daily goal. Someone who is on a carb-restricted diet may attempt to purge after a carb-laden meal. But they will not necessarily purge after a no-carb meal.

Purging for weight loss

Purging for weight loss can seem like a “smart” way to manage the pressures of maintaining low body weight. It appears to solve problems for the strict dieter who occasionally or often goes beyond the boundaries of their diet.

Purge behaviors can become dangerously compulsive. They often coexist with Binge Eating Disorder, Anorexia Nervosa, and OSFED, or become chronic in the form of Bulimia Nervosa.

When a person is engaging in purge behavior they need intensive care. Ideally, they need providers who understand the dangers of diet culture and work from a non-diet perspective.

Providers should not be weight-conscious or promise that a person will not gain weight in eating disorder recovery. They should definitely not promise weight loss. These approaches are outdated and often deepen the underlying reasons for purge behavior.

4. Soothing purges

This may surprise you. Many people who develop chronic purging behaviors experience a positive soothing quality to the action of purging. Eating disorders, especially Bulimia Nervosa, can be described as Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms, which are subconscious methods to soothe anxious feelings.

Bulimia has been linked to underlying problems with impulsivity. This can be defined as urgency, sensation seeking, lack of premeditation, and lack of perseverance.

Lacking self-soothing tools

People who develop Bulimia tend to lack the ability to self-soothe or calm themselves when upset. To compensate, they seek external behaviors such as purging, substance use, and self-harm. These behaviors are sought on a subconscious and incredibly urgent basis. This is why purging behavior can sometimes be described as “addictive,” since it engages a response similar to addictive substances.

People who have Bulimia are more likely to engage in self-harm behavior. They harm at rates between 25 and 75 percent reported in various studies. Just like Bulimia, self-harm may seem like a strange way to soothe oneself. But they are both surprisingly consistent as coping behaviors. 

If you believe your child is using purging to self-soothe, it’s best to get some support and coaching. Most parents benefit from strategic ideas that will increase their child’s motivation for recovery. Aggressive approaches with someone who is using purge behavior to self-soothe typically backfire. 

Treatment for purging behavior

The reasons for purge behavior are different for everyone. But all people who purge will benefit from professional support so they can build adaptive coping mechanisms. These adaptive methods will help them process discomfort, pain, anxiety, and fear without purging.

They offer new ways of emotional soothing that don’t involve using external agents like food, alcohol, and drugs. Recovery typically involves learning new skills and developing a social network that supports ongoing treatment.

Treatment for soothing purges should come from a place of compassion and acceptance. A person in recovery should feel supported as they explore the reasons behind their purge behavior. Only then can they begin the process of replacing their eating disorder behavior with more adaptive coping methods.

See Our Parent’s Guide To The Different Eating Disorder Behaviors

This quiz will help you find out if your child has an eating disorder. While eating disorders have a lot to do with eating and weight (obviously!), they are mental disorders. This means that the diagnosis really requires behavioral and mood symptoms that go beyond eating and weight. In fact, the significant majority of people who have eating disorders hide in plain sight. Additionally, many eating disorders can look “healthy” according to popular opinion about how people “should” eat. The fastest-rising type of eating disorder is Orthorexia, which is an obsession with “healthy” food.

Take the quiz: Does my child have an eating disorder quiz

Maybe you have noticed that your child has been behaving differently around food lately. Maybe you’ve noticed changes in how your child eats. Or maybe you just have a sneaking suspicion that your child is keeping something secret from you. The bottom line is that if you have landed on this page, then you have some concerns about your child’s eating patterns. That’s a significant reason to be concerned and take some action.

Does my child have an eating disorder quiz

This quiz will help you hone in on your concerns about whether your child has an eating disorder. This quiz cannot take the place of a medical and psychological evaluation. It’s only designed to help a parent whose “spidey senses” are tingling to determine the next course of action.

No online quiz can take the place of a parent’s intuition that something is wrong. So even if you don’t get a clear result, an evaluation could be helpful. It may not be an eating disorder. It may be something entirely different. But you should listen closely to your instincts that something is going on with your child. Please seek help from someone who is qualified to help you figure out what it is.

Take the quiz: Does my child have an eating disorder quiz

What type of eating disorder does my child have?

Although there are technically five distinct eating disorder diagnoses, it is important to note that many cases do not neatly fit into a single diagnostic category. In fact, different types of eating disorders share many behavioral and psychological characteristics.

Your child may receive a more straightforward diagnosis such as anorexia or bulimia. Alternatively, they may fall into one of the various subtypes that fall under the umbrella of Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorders (OSFED). OSFED encompasses a range of variations including over-exercise disorders, anorexia at a higher weight, purging disorder, and orthorexia.

Regardless of your child’s specific diagnosis, it is crucial to remember that treatment can be beneficial. Your child will need to learn how to live a life free from their eating disorder, and the support of parents and family can make a significant difference in the recovery process.

The distribution of eating disorders among individuals is as follows:

Does my child have OSFED?

47% of cases fall under Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorder (OSFED). This category applies when the behaviors associated with an eating disorder do not meet the specific criteria for other established types. It is essential to note that OSFED is equally severe and dangerous, despite its classification.

Does my child have Binge Eating Disorder?

22% of cases involve Binge Eating Disorder (BED). This disorder typically involves a cycle of restriction and binge eating, where an individual limits food intake and then engages in episodes of excessive eating.

Does my child have Bulimia?

19% of cases are classified as Bulimia (BN). Bulimia is characterized by a cycle of restriction, binge eating, and purging behaviors, which may include vomiting, laxative use, and over-exercise. Trauma is often closely linked with bulimia.

Does my child have Anorexia?

8% of cases are diagnosed with Anorexia (AN). This eating disorder is characterized by significant weight loss, restriction of food intake, and a low body mass index (BMI). However, if an individual exhibits all the symptoms of anorexia but does not meet the criteria for a low BMI, they will be diagnosed as OSFED.

Does my child have ARFID?

5% of cases are categorized as Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). Unlike other eating disorders, ARFID is not primarily associated with body image concerns or a desire to lose weight. Instead, it involves food avoidance and restriction, often due to sensory issues.

Common signs of an eating disorder

As I mentioned, there are many types of eating disorders, and they may include some or all of the following behaviors:

• Restricting food
• Binge-eating food
• Purging food using vomiting, laxatives or exercise
• Intense fear of gaining weight
• Inaccurate self-image in terms of body weight and shape

How this quiz can help you spot the signs of an eating disorder

Sometimes a parent can recognize these obvious signs in a child. However, more often, the signs are subtle and hard to spot for three main reasons:

1. Secrecy: It is common for a child who has an eating disorder to hide their major symptoms. Parents are often not aware they exist.
2. Diet Culture: Our society applauds weight loss and efforts to control the body through food restriction. Parents can miss critical eating disorder behaviors because they fall under socially-acceptable dieting behavior.
3. Denial: Both people with eating disorders and the people who loved them can get stuck in a denial trap. None of us wants to see our child suffer, and mental disorders, especially eating disorders, carry a lot of stigma that can get in the way of diagnosis and treatment.

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See Our Parent’s Guide To The Different Eating Disorder Behaviors

Weight-loss meal replacement shakes are often marketed as convenient, healthy, and effective, but for individuals vulnerable to or recovering from an eating disorder, they can be deeply harmful.

These products promote rigid control over food intake, often reinforce disordered thinking about weight and body image, and can contribute to nutritional imbalances. What’s framed as a simple health choice can quickly become a trigger for restrictive behaviors and obsessive patterns.

In this article, we’ll explore why meal replacement shakes pose a unique risk in the context of eating disorders and what to consider instead when supporting long-term, sustainable recovery.

False promises and profitable products

The diet industry makes billions of dollars promising to help us lose weight. Meal replacement shakes are one of many extremely profitable products selling weight loss under the guise of health and fitness.

For our children who are susceptible to eating disorders, these meal replacement shakes can be dangerous. With a stated goal of gaining “health” and “nutrition,” our children can use meal replacement shakes, powders and supplements to pursue weight loss without realizing they are eating disorder behaviors.

Unless our children are on a nutritionist-prescribed meal replacement program, there is almost no justification for spending our money on meal replacement shakes, and there is a good reason not to allow them in our homes due to their weight loss goal. When our kids want a shake, let’s empower them to make them at home using whole foods, not supplements and powders.

Reasons people say they need a meal replacement shake (plus what to say if your child says these things to you):

1. I’m too busy to eat: Eating is an essential part of life. It goes along with breathing, drinking water, and sleeping. It is essential, restorative, and wonderful. If you don’t have time to eat, then there is a life-balance problem at stake. Let’s assess your lifestyle and find a way to fit in a healthy amount of time for eating. Let’s talk to your therapist about what we need to work on to help you have time to nourish your body.

2. I don’t feel like eating: This could be a sign that an eating disorder is taking hold of the brain and sending disordered hunger and satiety signals. The body has a natural desire to eat real food. When natural food cues and the desire to eat fade, it’s worth exploring what is going on with the natural body-mind communication pathways. Let’s talk to your therapist about the fact that you don’t feel like putting food in your body and find out some ways to nourish your body that feel good for you.

3. I’m trying to lose weight: Your body is a perfectly balanced organism, and you don’t need to control it or diet. Dieting often leads to weight gain and eating disorders. Your body naturally adjusts and changes throughout life, especially during adolescence. Let’s schedule an appointment with a nutritionist who can help us understand what your body needs and reassure you that the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to eat intuitively and not diet.

4. It’s healthier because I get all my vitamins and minerals: Getting vitamins and minerals through artificial means (vs. whole foods) has not been proven to be scientifically beneficial. There is no evidence that vitamin supplements make any impact on good health. Eating a whole, balanced diet is enough to keep the body fully nourished in all ways. Let’s talk with a nutritionist who can help you build a balanced meal plan that provides you with everything you need.

Multi-billion dollar companies sell shakes and nutritional supplements using “real people” on social media

The diet industry makes $70 billion per year. Beachbody, which sells Shakeology, makes $1 billion per year selling weight loss products. These businesses are growing fat off our fear of fat. When their products don’t result in lasting weight loss, rather than blame the products, we have been conditioned to blame ourselves for lack of willpower.  The better your child recognizes the marketing muscle behind the weight loss industry, the better he or she will be able to withstand the environmental factors that can contribute to eating disorder development.

Multi-Level-Marketing (MLM) companies like Beachbody deploy a workforce of independent contractors who are trained and paid to convert friends and family members to a shake-based diet plan. Social media is a prime location to sell the “I did it, so can you” message. These image-based #beforeandafter #weightloss messages can be incredibly triggering for anyone susceptible to an eating disorder.

Responding to diet industry advertising

We see advertisements promoting ineffective weight loss products everywhere. The screenshots of promotional sliders on the Shakeology website (screenshots obtained on 5/8/17) are a template for almost every diet marketing message being circulated right now. That weight loss is good for you is assumed, and the messages are shrouded in a cloud of good health and fitness fallacies. For each of them, we have provided an Intuitive Eating rebuttal below, so that you can build your conversational skills around diet culture with your kids.

But I love shakes!

Most of our kids love shakes and smoothies. And why wouldn’t they? Shakes and smoothies are smooth, creamy, and sweet. This is not about never having shakes – it’s about avoiding meal replacement formulas that are sold for the purpose of causing weight loss.

Encourage your child to explore whole-food-based smoothie recipes because they are delicious and nutritious, but not because they will help with weight loss.

There are literally thousands of homemade healthy shaken recipes that are absolutely appropriate snacks and treats for our children. Real Simple has a good selection here.

Follow the advice of your child’s nutritionist

Some eating disorder recovery plans include meal replacement shakes. We are not demonizing all meal replacement shakes. Nor are we making a medical statement about your particular child’s nutritional needs. Your child’s nutritionist, your child’s therapist, and you yourself know what’s best for your child’s health. The purpose of this article is to raise a flag about companies that promote meal replacement shakes for weight loss purposes and to suggest that you look carefully if your child independently decides to adopt a meal replacement shake diet.

See Our Parent’s Guide To The Different Eating Disorder Behaviors