This week, Gwyneth Paltrow is promoting “Intuitive Fasting,” the first book under her new publishing umbrella. The fact that this happens to be National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is not lost on those of us in the recovery community. To launch a diet book that actively promotes eating disorder behaviors while using a similar name to one of the books often used in recovery (“Intuitive Eating”) feels really wrong, yet sadly not surprising.
There are a lot of problems with the book. But here are five that immediately stuck out for me:
1. Fasting is not intuitive
Sure, most of us “intuitively” fast when we go to sleep and when we’re not hungry. But any other form of fasting is not intuitive. The definition of intuitive is “using or based on what one feels to be true even without conscious reasoning; instinctive.” A fast is intentional. It is not instinctive. We all know that fasting, even for religious or other meaningful and necessary reasons, requires massive amounts of self-control. There is nothing instinctive or intuitive about it. When you fast, you deny your intuition, which is always to keep your body alive – i.e. eat!
2. Most definitely a diet
Look, I’ve read a lot of diet books. I was a hard-core consumer of diet books for three decades. I recognize a diet book when I see one, and this is definitely one. No matter how they try to package this, the four-week program is most definitely a diet. I define a diet as something that will make me hungry and encourage me to ignore my hunger cues for a future benefit.
Most of the time the goal of a diet is to lose weight. But we’ve learned it’s not cool to say that, so now diets package themselves as “health promoting.” But face it. This book is sold on the wish of weight loss.
Then there’s the diet behavior. Basically this book provides a method for limiting how much food you eat in a day. Here’s a recap of the four-week diet plan included in this book:
12 hours of uninterrupted fasting every day
14-18 hours of uninterrupted fasting every day
20-22 hours of uninterrupted fasting every day
12 hours of uninterrupted fasting every day
But it doesn’t stop with limiting meals. This diet also says it’s ‘Ketotarian,’ designed to put the body into a state of ketosis to burn fat and not sugar. Um, hello diet culture!
Gwyneth described her first four weeks as “pretty much a bone-broth diet.” The “Keto” diet is not new, and it’s not intuitive. It’s a way to try and hack the body, and (speaking from experience) it’s very, very hard on the body and considered by many Registered Dietitians to be unsustainable and unhealthy unless medically advised for specific reasons and under supervision.
3. Promotes eating disorder behavior
One of the main behaviors of an eating disorder is trying to extend the windows between eating food. This is common in most eating disorders, not just anorexia. Most people who have eating disorders restrict food (e.g. fast) for as many hours as possible, trying to extend the time between meals and limit how much they eat through the day.
The more we restrict, the less our stomach can comfortably hold and the more we obsess about food. Fasting behavior sets us up for a snowball effect of restrictive eating and, for many, binge eating. This can easily turn into disordered eating and, for some, an eating disorder. People who develop eating disorders convince their starving stomachs that fasting is healthy and good. All sorts of mind tricks support us in this belief. The result of fasting restriction may be a loss of all desire to eat, binge eating, and/or purging.
4. This is a money-making enterprise
Everybody is entitled to make a buck where they can, but when the bucks come from promoting eating disorders, I take issue. This book is part of the $72 billion diet industry.
The “Intuitive Fasting” book represents the launch of the Goop Press as part of the brand’s new publishing partnership with Rodale Books, a division of Penguin Random House. In other words, this book is a product. It’s not a health program or meant to help us. It’s meant to make money.
In her blog post to promote the book on Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow also promotes 18 other products for sale. Goop looks like a health platform, but it is an advertising platform designed to generate revenue for the company. The content and products are not altruistic, and they are not concerned for our health. A businesses’ purpose is to make as much profit as possible.
5. Ripping off the Intuitive Eating title is not cool
Intuitive Eating is a book that was first published in 1995 by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. It’s a bestseller that appears on almost every eating disorder professional’s bookshelf. It lays out an evidence-based self-care eating framework and has been cited in over 140 peer-review scientific studies to date. Intuitive eating has been gaining popularity and visibility as the culture slowly begins to re-evaluate our relationship with dieting and food. Many people who are in eating disorder recovery utilize the principles from “Intuitive Eating.”
Naming this book “Intuitive Fasting” is awfully close to “Intuitive Eating” and “Intermittent Fasting.” Yeah, I’m sure it passes copyright laws, but it’s shady.
No need to buy the book “Intuitive Fasting”
Everyone gets to make their own choices in life. If this book appeals to you, that’s completely your decision. But here’s the secret: this book is just a different spin on the same old thing. Every diet book promises health through restriction. Short-term discomfort for long-term gain. That’s the promise. Every time. You don’t need to buy this book to hear another version of it.
Intentional weight loss (diets) result in weight regain (95% of cases), more weight gained (65% of cases), and eating disorders. A person who diets is up to 15x more likely to develop an eating disorder.
This book is unlikely to bring better health, and it’s risky since eating disorders and diet culture are linked. Try Intuitive Eating instead. It may feel like a total stretch, completely out of your comfort zone. But that’s the point! And it’s been shown to actually improve health.
Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.
Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions known as biopsychosocial disorders, meaning they arise from a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors. While genetics and individual temperament play a role, the world our children grow up inโthe messages they receive about food, bodies, and worthโcan have a powerful influence on how these illnesses develop and persist.
From media portrayals of beauty to casual diet talk at school or home, social norms and cultural beliefs often create the perfect storm for disordered eating to take root. As a parent, it can be both heartbreaking and confusing to watch your child struggle, especially when it feels like the world around you is working against recovery.
But youโre not powerless. In this parent guide, weโll take a close look at how society impacts eating disorders, and more importantly, how you can help your child navigate those pressures, challenge harmful messages, and create a home environment that supports healing and resilience.
Social norms and beliefs linked to eating disorders
Eating disorders have various social causes. Pressure from societal beauty standards and the emphasis on thinness can contribute to the development of disordered eating patterns. Media portrayal of unrealistic body ideals, social comparison, and bullying related to appearance can also play a role. Additionally, family dynamics, relationships, and cultural influences can impact an individual’s perception of their body and food. Addressing these social factors is essential in preventing and treating eating disorders, fostering a more inclusive and body-positive society.
Our society promotes unhealthy body norms and beliefs. These norms and beliefs have a significant impact on eating disorders. The four major societal norms and beliefs that are associated with eating disorder development are:
Sex and gender norms: women are expected to be small, and men are expected to be strong
Beauty standards: <5% of the population meets current beauty standards
Thin ideal: thin bodies are considered “healthier” and “better” than larger bodies
Diet culture: believing that all bodies can be thin and those that aren’t are doing something wrong
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Free Guide: How Parents Can Help A Child With An Eating Disorder
Master the secrets to supporting a child with an eating disorder. Thousands of families like yours are stronger today because of these six vital lessons drawn from lived experience, best practices, andย extensive study.
Body image is primarily driven by social norms and beliefs about what it means to have a “good” body. Social norms cause eating disorders by defining bodies as good or bad. In our diet culture, we’re taught that good bodies are based on good behavior, and bad (fat) bodies are based on bad behavior. Ignoring the natural fact of body diversity and the significant biological and environmental impacts on weight means that everyone is vulnerable to negative body image. In these conditions, eating disorders are inevitable. As long as we perpetuate the idea that good bodies are based on good behavior, we cause eating disorders.
Think about it this way: if I’m feeling bad about my life in general, that is overwhelming and I don’t know how to solve the problem. But if I feel bad about my body, I feel as if I have control over that. I’ve been taught that if I eat right and exercise enough I can limit my risk of disease, ridicule, and unhappiness. I can increase my chances of success in this society. So of course it makes perfect sense for me to put my negative feelings and thoughts into my body, which I think I can control, rather than elsewhere. This is just one way social norms cause eating disorders.
1. Sex and gender norms: women are expected to be small, and men are expected to be strong
Sexism can contribute to the development of eating disorders by perpetuating unrealistic beauty standards and objectification of bodies. While this used to be somewhat limited to women’s bodies, men’s bodies are increasingly being objectified as well, leading to increased rates of eating disorders in boys and men.
Eating disorders are intertwined with sex and gender norms. First, they primarily affect women, although eating disorders in men are steeply rising. And all genders, especially trans and nonbinary people, suffer from sex and gender stereotypes about bodies and weight. The belief that women must be small and men must be big set us up for the belief that our appearance is vital to who we are.
โญ Tips for Parents: Take a look at your assumptions about sex and gender. All of us make assumptions, and they were taught to us by our families, peers, and the media. But luckily we can overturn generational sexism and improve our child’s ability to live confidently.
Talk to your child about society’s beliefs and expectations of sex and gender. It’s OK if you learn about this together. Start investigating whether you assume women should be small and delicate. Explore whether you prefer women to keep their voice soft, avoid being angry, and jump to take care of other people before themselves. These are deep and powerful social norms, so give yourself time to learn new beliefs and behaviors about a “woman’s place” in our society.
Also, explore society’s assumptions about boys and men. How do you feel about men being vulnerable, afraid, and sad? Talk about how we pressure girls to stay small while we praise boys to grow “big and strong.” Masculinity can trap boys and men as much as it puts women and girls in rigid gender roles.
2. Beauty standards: <5% of the population meets the current beauty standard
Beauty standards can contribute to the development of eating disorders as individuals strive to attain unrealistic ideals and place excessive focus on their appearance.
Our culture’s beauty standards are so rigid that fewer than 5% of people meet them naturally. Social media has embedded these standards deep into our kids’ brains. Beauty standards can drive a person to believe that if they meet the standards they will be successful, happy, and loved.
โญ Tips for Parents: Beauty standards are perpetuated by advertising and media in order to sell products. Most of us learned what it means to be beautiful and accepted at home, school, and even the grocery store where we see magazine covers featuring striking cover models.
Consider how you have interpreted beauty standards. What standards are you holding yourself to, and why? Many beauty standards keep us pursuing goals and ideals that are simply out of reach. How do your beliefs about what is beautiful impact your daily life?
Talk to your child about beauty standards. A great vehicle for this is social media. Look at social media and consider that the algorithm prefers slender, conventionally attractive bodies. We know that social media contributes to body shame. So talk about how social media makes your child feel. Don’t threaten to take it away (which could cause serious panic!) instead use it as a vehicle for having conversations about cultural beauty standards.
3. Thin ideal: thin bodies are considered “healthier” and “better” than larger bodies
The thin ideal promoted by society can contribute to the development of eating disorders as individuals strive to achieve an unrealistic and often unhealthy body weight. It is driven by weight stigma, which is the false belief that people in larger bodies are bad and people in thin bodies are good.
The thin ideal is the belief that thin bodies are healthier and better than larger bodies. This ideal is perpetuated in almost every arena of life, from homes to schools and doctor’s offices. It impacts all of us by making us believe that being thin is a sign of health. But health is not based on BMI, and the pursuit of thin can lead to eating disorders.
โญ Tips for Parents: There’s a really good chance that you grew up in a household that perpetuated the thin ideal – most of us do! The thin ideal is rooted so deeply in our culture that most people don’t recognize it.
One of the best things you can do is learn about a non-diet approach to health. This approaches health from a weight-neutral perspective. In fact, it is based on the fact that the thin ideal is a greater risk to our health than high weight.
Your child’s recovery may mean they gain weight, and it almost always means they need to let go of their belief that thinner is better. So if you learn that thin is not a requirement for health, it will help set the foundation for their recovery.
4. Diet culture: believing that all bodies can be thin and those that aren’t are doing something wrong.
With its focus on restrictive eating and weight loss, diet culture contributes to the development of eating disorders by promoting unhealthy relationships with food and body image.
Diet culture perpetuates the idea that all bodies can and should lose weight, and that it is healthy to intentionally lose weight. However, 95% of people who intentionally lose weight regain the weight, and 65% of them gain more. And unfortunately, people who diet are 18x more likely to develop an eating disorder. [scientific resources]
โญ Tips for Parents: The diet industry has been exploding for the past 30 years and is currently at $72 billion. It has driven the belief that all of us can and should lose weight to be healthier, happier, and more attractive. But it can really help to educate yourself about the diet industry and the culture it has created.
Are you a lifetime dieter? It’s OK if you have dieted or tried to control your weight in the past. Most of us do! But it will really help your child recover if you can let go of diet culture and learn to accept your body. I’m not saying this is easy – it’s not! But it will definitely help. Kids whose parents continue to diet and practice from a diet culture mindset say it interferes with their eating disorder recovery.
Getting help
Social causes of eating disorders include societal pressure to conform to unrealistic beauty standards, objectification of bodies, media portrayal of “ideal” bodies, diet culture, and the influence of peers. These factors can contribute to low self-esteem, body dissatisfaction, and the development of disordered eating behaviors.
One of the most important social groups involved in the social causes of eating disorders is families. This is why it’s important for families to evaluate their approach to health and adopt a non-diet approach, which supports eating disorder recovery.
Society is a cause of eating disorders. The more you can identify and understand areas where you can counterbalance social messages, the better your chances of helping your child recover. This is hard because so many of society’s messages are hidden and hard to find within ourselves. but learning about societal untruths can help you create an environment that fosters recovery.
If your child has an eating disorder, you can help them recover. Parents can make a tremendous impact on recovery. So please get support to help you navigate this process. If at all possible, see a therapist or coach to help.
Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.
Eating disorders donโt happen in a vacuum. They are complex mental health conditions with biological, psychological, and social roots, and family dynamics often play an important role in how they develop and how recovery unfolds. In this guide, weโll take a closer look at the ways family patterns, communication styles, emotional climate, roles, expectations, and even unspoken rules, can influence a childโs relationship with food, body, and self-worth.
Weโll also offer practical tips for parents who want to create a more supportive home environment that fosters healing. As you read, I encourage you to reflect gently and honestly on your own family dynamics, not with guilt or blame, but with curiosity and compassion. This is not about pointing fingers. Itโs about understanding the bigger picture so you can be an even more effective support in your childโs recovery journey.
The family dynamics linked to eating disorder development
The five major family dynamics that are commonly associated with eating disorders are:
Low emotional literacy: don’t talk about difficult feelings and emotions
Conflict avoidance: ignore or avoid difficult conversations, walk on eggshells
Poor boundaries: have trouble setting and maintaining clear interpersonal boundaries; the child may over- or under-perform for the sake of the parent
Rigid and controlling: parent demands discipline and respect
Chaotic: there is little structure and parent has low authority in the home
This cannot be overstated: parents are not ever responsible for a child’s eating disorder. Eating disorders are biopsychosocial disorders, which means they have biological, psychological, and social components. Family dynamics are just one element of the social environment. Parents are neither responsible for eating disorder development nor in control of recovery. But they can make a significant impact on a child’s chances of eating disorder recovery if they work to improve family dynamics and optimize the healing environment.
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Free Guide: How Parents Can Help A Child With An Eating Disorder
Master the secrets to supporting a child with an eating disorder. Thousands of families like yours are stronger today because of these six vital lessons drawn from lived experience, best practices, andย extensive study.
1. Low emotional literacy: don’t talk about feelings and emotions
There is evidence that families that have low emotional literacy or don’t talk about feelings and emotions may be more likely to have a child with an eating disorder. Eating disorders are often viewed as emotional coping mechanisms that a child adopts in order to process feelings and emotions.
Emotional literacy is crucial for navigating and understanding our own emotions as well as those of others. It enables individuals to express their feelings effectively, develop empathy, and build stronger relationships. By being emotionally literate, we can identify and regulate our emotions, making informed decisions and managing stress more effectively. Additionally, emotional literacy promotes mental well-being and helps prevent emotional repression or volatility. Helping kids develop emotional intelligence equips them with valuable skills essential for personal growth, communication, and overall emotional health.
โญ Tips for Parents: Build your family’s emotional literacy. This means intentionally talking about how you feel. It will take practice and consistency to build up your vocabulary and comfort with emotions. Start by trying to describe and truly feel your own feelings at least once per day. Use words beyond just sad, mad, afraid, or happy. Next, ask your kid(s) how they feel. Ask them to describe and sit with their feeling. Make this a daily practice and it will become easier and more natural.
2. Conflict avoidance: ignore or avoid difficult conversations, walk on eggshells
Conflict avoidance is commonly associated with family dynamics that may lay the groundwork for an eating disorder. This is a way for the family to avoid talking about feelings and emotions by avoiding them entirely.
Avoiding conflict with kids may seem like a good idea, but it can have negative consequences. Conflict provides an opportunity for growth, learning, and communication. By addressing conflicts, parents and children can develop problem-solving skills, build resilience, and strengthen their relationships. Avoidance of conflict can lead to misunderstandings, suppressed emotions, and unresolved issues that can strain the parent-child bond. Engaging in healthy conflict resolution teaches kids how to manage disagreements in a respectful and constructive manner, preparing them for future challenges.
โญ Tips for Parents: Start by noticing when you avoid conflict. Do you feel irritated when your partner loads the dishwasher, but instead of saying something, you just fix it? Pay attention to how many times during the day you have a feeling or opinion and shove it down to keep the peace. Next, start to clearly and calmly tell people how you feel. In the dishwasher example, you could say, “John, it would mean a lot to me if you would load the dishwasher like this.” Similarly, if you suspect your partner is upset with you about something, say “John, it seems like you’re frustrated about something. Can we talk about it?” The more you address conflict directly, the fewer eggshells will exist in your home. And if you start with yourself, the results will feel organic and are less likely to be resisted by your child(ren).
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Free Guide: How Parents Can Help A Child With An Eating Disorder
Master the secrets to supporting a child with an eating disorder. Thousands of families like yours are stronger today because of these six vital lessons drawn from lived experience, best practices, andย extensive study.
3. Loose boundaries: have trouble setting and maintaining clear interpersonal boundaries; the child may over- or under-perform for the sake of the parent
Families that have poor boundaries may raise kids who either over- or under-perform for the sake of the parent. These children may be “parentified” in that they feel they need to take on a parental role. Or they may be enmeshed with the parent and have trouble knowing where they end and the parent begins.
Establishing boundaries is crucial for parents as it creates a healthy and safe environment for their children. Clear and consistent boundaries help children develop a strong sense of self and independence. Without boundaries, children may feel confused or overwhelmed, leading to unintended consequences. Furthermore, setting boundaries helps maintain a balance between the parent’s needs and those of their child, creating mutual respect and understanding. It is essential for parents to prioritize boundary setting and communication in fostering healthy relationships with their children.
Clear interpersonal boundaries arise when each person in the family feels both strong as an individual and linked to the group. But in many family systems, boundaries become blurred. This is often because the parent(s) did not grow up in families that had good boundaries. Family patterns, especially dysfunctional ones, get passed down unless they are intentionally interrupted.
โญ Tips for Parents: Work with a therapist or coach who can help you learn healthy boundaries. This will improve your life in every aspect, and will benefit everyone in your family. As you learn to set and maintain healthy boundaries, your child who has an eating disorder will feel released from significant pressure they may have been feeling in the relationship.
4. Rigid and controlling: parent demands discipline and respect
There are two completely different parenting styles often associated with eating disorders. On the one end are rigid and controlling parents who demand discipline and respect from their children. These parents believe that children should conform to the parents’ will. They tend to minimize, ignore, or be unaware of the child’s needs.
Having controlling parents can be a challenging experience for anyone. These parents may attempt to dictate the behaviors, choices, and decisions of their children, causing feelings of stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Children with controlling parents may struggle with developing a sense of independence and self-direction. Additionally, these individuals may face difficulty in establishing healthy relationships, trust, and boundaries due to their upbringing. When parents learn to be less rigid and controlling, kids develop a healthier sense of self.
A rigid and controlling parent tends to make children feel they don’t have a voice. As a result, they will often rebel by using dangerous behaviors. One of the greatest rebellions for children of all ages is eating or not eating to show displeasure. Feeding our children is the very first thing we do for them, and hunger is their first impetus for communication. So when a child has an eating disorder, it may be a sign that they have something to say to a parent.
โญ Tips for Parents: Take a deep look at how you may be trying to control your child. Now take steps to stop trying to control your child through criticism and restriction. Get help, since this will be a major adjustment for you.
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Free Guide: How Parents Can Help A Child With An Eating Disorder
Master the secrets to supporting a child with an eating disorder. Thousands of families like yours are stronger today because of these six vital lessons drawn from lived experience, best practices, andย extensive study.
5. Chaotic: there is little structure and the parent has low authority in the home
On the opposite side of the spectrum are parents who tend to be chaotic. These parents impose little structure and feel they have no control over their children. The challenge is that when a parent has low authority the child feels unsafe and insecure.
A chaotic family dynamic can significantly impact children’s growth and development. Children in chaotic households may experience stress, anxiety, and trauma, causing long-term emotional and mental health issues. It can also affect a child’s academic performance, social relationships, and self-esteem. Family members in a chaotic environment may struggle with communication and problem-solving, allowing negative patterns to continue. Children may lack structure, routine, and stability, leading to a lack of trust in themselves or their caregivers. A calm, stable, and positive family environment is essential for children’s mental and emotional growth, well-being, and success.
โญ Tips for Parents: If you feel your children control you or you just don’t have the energy or interest in setting limits, then take some time to learn how you can claim some authority in the home. This will take time and practice, and it’s best if you get professional support to examine why this became your parenting style and get the help you need to turn it around.
Getting help
Family dynamics can contribute to an eating disorder. The more you can identify and understand how your family dynamics are affecting your child, the better your chances of helping them recover. This is hard, deep work, but it is the area in which parents can have the greatest impact. Parents who work on themselves and their family dynamics are more likely to create an environment that fosters recovery.
If your child has an eating disorder, you may think they are the only one who needs help. But make no mistake: eating disorders impact the whole family. Parents don’t cause eating disorders, but they do have a tremendous impact on recovery. So please get support to help you navigate this process. If at all possible, see a therapist or coach to help.
Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.
If you’ve heard about the โnon-dietโ approach to health and wondered what it really means or whether itโs safe for your child, youโre not alone. In a culture obsessed with weight loss and โclean eating,โ the idea of rejecting diets can feel confusing or even risky.
But the truth is, the non-diet approach is rooted in science, compassion, and a deep respect for the body. It focuses on health behaviors rather than weight, and it can be especially helpful for children recovering from or vulnerable to eating disorders. In this parent guide, weโll break down what the non-diet approach really is (and what it isnโt), explain why it matters, and share how parents can support their childโs well-being without relying on harmful diet culture messages.
A non-diet approach to health for your family
Despite what every magazine, influencer, newspaper and even your doctor says, the data we have available is in support of a non-diet approach to health. This is surprising and even shocking to many people, but it’s important that we turn the tide on diet propaganda and look at the facts.
NOTE: every statement in this article is linked to scientific research. Simply click on the link within the paragraph you’re reading to see the source.
Dieting is a national obsession – why?
In November 2020 the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) announced that more Americans are on diets now compared to a decade ago. A 2009 study estimated that 24% of American men and 38% of women were actively attempting to lose weight. Meanwhile, 70% of American women 50 or older report that they are trying to lose weight.
And alongside the increases in diet efforts, the weight loss industry grew. In 1984 the U.S. the weight loss industry generated about $10 billion in revenue. That number jumped to $72 billion in 2019.
While it markets itself as a health initiative, weight loss is a money-making industry that has experienced tremendous and highly profitable growth. And while it’s been very successful as an industry, it’s been a failure in terms of health and weight. There has been no increase in population health and the rise of the diet industry parallels an increase in U.S. body weight of about 10 lbs.
This is good for the diet industry, because it points to the weight gain as the problem it’s here to solve. But the data in support of a non-diet approach to health shows that:
Dieting leads to weight regain
Most dieters regain the weight lost plus more
Dieting is bad for your health
Dieting leads to eating disorders
Reported risks of fat itself are surprisingly incorrect
These proven facts are rarely spoken of outside of non-diet circles. Why? Because they don’t support fatphobia, or weight stigma, which is pervasive and was intentionally built by the massive and highly-profitable weight loss industry to sell products.
Dieting leads to weight regain
Since the 1950s, health and mental health professionals have criticized the conventional wisdom that permanent weight loss is possible. Clinical trials on weight loss have high dropout rates. Additionally, they rarely have participants move from one weight category to another. Finally, the overwhelming majority of people who lose even 5โ10% of body weight have regained it 1 year later.
It is well established that weight loss can usually be achieved by restricting food intake. But the majority of dieters regain weight over the long-term. But why? Is it because people are bad at dieting? Or do they just slip back into bad habits?
The answer may surprise you. Because it’s actually completely out of the dieter’s control. It’s a biological fact that our bodies want to maintain our weight. When a body loses weight, every system works to get it back to where it was. That’s why no current treatment for weight reliably sustains weight loss.
Within 9 years of weight loss, 95% of women and 93% of men were unable to maintain the reduced body weight. This figure is regardless of the weight loss method, amount of weight lost, or starting BMI. In other words, diets have a 5% success rate. Five percent would be considered a complete failure for any other medical recommendation. No educated medical professional would recommend a treatment with this level of failure. Yet they do recommend intentional weight loss. It boggles the mind!
Dieting leads to additional weight gain
You may be thinking that while regain is possible, at least you tried! But regaining weight lost isn’t the only problem with intentional weight loss. The majority of people who diet end up heavier than they were when they started. Again, this is biologically based. It’s not due to bad diets, bad dieters, or any other modifiable personal behavior.
Studies show that about two-thirds of dieters regain more weight than they lost on their diets. And these studies likely underestimate the reality.
Over time, after controlling for age and body mass index (BMI), mild dieters gained about 6.7 lbs. And severe dieters gained about 10.3 lbs compared to non-dieters. You read that right: dieting causes weight gain.
Intentional weight loss is a predictor of accelerated weight gain. The odds of becoming “overweight” by 25 years were significantly greater in people who dieted compared to those who didn’t. Dieting is linked to increased susceptibility to weight gain, independent of genetic factors.
Dieting is bad for your health
There is no evidence that dieting results in health improvements, regardless of weight change or weight status. But, even worse, dieting has serious side effects. In fact, dieting itself is correlated with many of the problems often attributed to higher body weight.
Dieting is associated with a higher risk of all-cause mortality and cardiovascular disease mortality. This is even after adjustment for pre-existing disease, initial BMI, and the exclusion of those in poor health. This means that dieting is associated with earlier death. In other words, dieting in an attempt to extend life expectancy is actually associated with a shorter life expectancy.
The primary issue with dieting is that restricting calories, which is how most people lose weight, increases the body’s cortisol levels. Cortisol is the body’s primary stress hormone. It controls blood sugar levels, regulates sleep, manages our use of fuel, reduces inflammation, and controls blood pressure. Increased cortisol has been shown to lead to:
High blood pressure
Type 2 diabetes
Fatigue
Impaired brain function
Increased infections
Muscle weakness
Osteoporosis
Every one of those side effects of dieting is associated with being at a higher weight. But the act of trying to lower your weight actually increases your risk for these physical ailments.
Dieting leads to eating disorders
Dieting is the most important predictor of new eating disorders. Teenage girls who dieted were 5-18 times more likely to develop an eating disorder. The rate depended on how severely they dieted. The more intense the diet, the more likely they were to develop an eating disorder.
Adolescents using weight-control behaviors were at increased risk for binge eating. They also had more behaviors such as self-induced vomiting and use of diet pills, laxatives, and diuretics. While not everyone who diets develops an eating disorder, the chances increase dramatically with every weight loss attempt.
Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions that impact people of all ages, genders, races, sexual identity, and socio-economic status. Global eating disorder prevalence more than doubled from 2000 to 2018. It increased from 3.4% to 7.8% of the population. This is particularly alarming considering there are few proven treatments. Eating disorders are considered extremely difficult and are very expensive to treat.
Reported risks of fat itself are surprisingly incorrect
You may have heard that fat is “deadly.” Perhaps you believe that people who fail to lose weight are “killing themselves.” But it’s simply not true. This very useful analysis of weight research provides an excellent review of the truth about fat:
1. Obesity is not an epidemic
An โepidemicโ of overweight and obesity implies an exponential pattern of growth typical of epidemics. The available data do not support this claim. Instead, in the US there is a relatively modest rightward skewing of average weight on the distribution curve. The majority of people weigh โผ3โ5 kg more than they did a generation ago.
2. Overweight and obesity are not major contributors to mortality
Except at true statistical extremes, high body mass is a very weak predictor of mortality. It may even be protective in older populations.
3. Higher weight does not cause disease
Causal links between body fat and disease remain hypothetical. It is more likely that higher body fat is a symptom of underlying metabolic processes. It’s unlikely that fat is a direct cause of disease.
4. Long-term weight loss is neither beneficial nor probable
There is no evidence that people who are obese and overweight can achieve a lower weight. Nor that doing so will improve their health.
The non-diet approach
The non-diet approach is based on a core belief that diets are more harmful to health than weight. The data clearly support the concept of a non-diet approach. Diets create health complications and solve none. People who follow an non-diet approach are often accused of not caring about their health. But the opposite is true: non-diet is pro-health. And being non-diet does not mean you don’t eat well and pursue other health-promoting behaviors. It’s just that you pursue them without the goal of weight loss or weight control.
There are proven behaviors that support health and longevity, but none of them rely on weight loss as a result. For example, exercise is good for your health. So are adequate sleep and healthy, fulfilling relationships with other people. Being non-diet means you may choose to pursue these activities for your health. But the impact of these behaviors on the scale is irrelevant.
Other factors impact health more than weight
Additionally, the non-diet approach recognizes that there are factors that impact our health more than weight. These factors are out of our control. Genetics is the primary driver of weight. Additional factors include racism, discrimination, sexism, sexual harassment, poverty, food insecurity, and environmental toxins. These factors are directly linked to lower mortality and increased disease. People facing these factors may indeed have higher body weight. But it is not the weight itself that is causing their health problems. Instead, it is societal and environmental issues over which they have no control.
Finally, the non-diet approach recognizes that weight stigma is actually a risk factor all on its own. Weight stigma is the belief that fat is unhealthy and deadly. The health impact of weight stigma is likely the same as those often blamed on weight. Most likely, the problem is not the weight itself, but the way society treats people who are at higher weight. Heavier people are actively discriminated against in almost every professional, medical, and social setting.
In summary, it’s better for your health to weigh more and never diet. Diet culture and eating disorders are strongly linked. There is no benefit to dieting, and it is associated with significant health complications. Living at a higher weight than you want to be can be hard in our society. But that’s a societal problem, not a problem with your body. The data definitely support a non-diet approach to health, and I hope you’ll find out more and make the shift!
Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.
Los cuerpos vienen en todas las tallas, y si usted tiene una hija que utiliza tallas grandes, necesita considerar cรณmo ayudarle a encontrar prendas de ropa que la hagan sentir bien. La ropa en tallas grandes para niรฑas, y ropa talla grande junior puede ser difรญcil de encontrar, pero los padres pueden hacer el proceso mucho mรกs fรกcil al identificar tiendas al por menor que venden tallas grandes, poniรฉndose ademรกs creativos con las compras en lรญnea.
Algunas tiendas en lรญnea que venden โropa talla grande para niรฑasโ son:
Cosas en las que pensar al momento de comprar ropa de talla grande para niรฑas
Vivimos en una sociedad que promueve ideales corporales daรฑinos. Los cuerpos vienen en una amplia variedad de formas y tallas. Pero la industria de la moda hace ropa para un reducido -literalmente- tipo de cuerpo. La falta de moda en tallas grandes para niรฑas e infantes es frustrante para los padres.
Los niรฑos que viven en cuerpos mรกs grandes estรกn en riesgo de odiar su propio cuerpo, tener una mala alimentaciรณn, y de sufrir desรณrdenes alimenticios. Esta no es una sorpresa, debido a que es difรญcil vivir en un cuerpo mรกs grande en nuestra sociedad.
Le recomendamos a los padres que tienen niรฑas de talla grande, preadolescentes, y adolescentes, aprender sobre Salud en Cada Talla. Este enfoque anima a los padres a aceptar completamente el cuerpo de sus hijas. Pero incluso para los padres mรกs comprensivos serรก difรญcil ayudar a sus hijos a sentirse cรณmodos cuando las tiendas fallan en la labor de vender ropa talla grande para niรฑas.
Cuando comprar no es divertido porque hay una falta de ropa talla grande para niรฑas
Ir de compras -un rito de iniciaciรณn para todo adolescente- puede ser una situaciรณn tensa cuando se estรก buscando ropa en tallas grandes para niรฑas. Puede ser que las prendas de ropa no les queden bien, pueden ser un poco ajustadas en ciertas partes, y demasiado holgadas en otras. Aรบn peor, muchas tiendas de ropa ni siquiera venden ropa talla grande para niรฑas.
Las crisis de compras son comunes durante este momento delicado en el crecimiento fรญsico y el desarrollo emocional de una niรฑa. Los padres y sus hijas pueden sentirse muy mal consigo mismos porque hay muy pocas opciones disponibles.
Por esta razรณn es una buena idea pensar de manera crรญtica sobre la ropa antes de ir a comprar con tu hija. La educaciรณn puede ayudarle a usted y a ella a entender las opciones y a moverse por los probadores sin ninguna vergรผenza.
La mayorรญa de las prendas estรกn hechas para “tallas รบnicas”
La gran mayorรญa de la ropa disponible en las tiendas minoristas es para “tallas รบnicas”, las cuales van desde la talla 0-12 para adultos. A las personas que viven con cuerpos mรกs grandes les resulta extremadamente difรญcil encontrar ropa elegante en su talla.
En 2012, se estimรณ que 67% de las mujeres estadounidenses son de “talla grande” (talla 14 o mรกs) (Bloomberg). Sin embargo, a la ropa de talla grande a menudo se le da una pequeรฑa fracciรณn del espacio en las tiendas departamentales. Lamentablemente, la mayorรญa de los minoristas masivos no se adaptan a tamaรฑos superiores a 12.
Esto significa que las personas que viven en cuerpos mรกs grandes tienen dificultades para encontrar ropa que satisfaga sus necesidades corporales y estilo personal.
La excusa de los diseรฑadores de moda es que hacer ropa de talla grande es difรญcil. Esto seguirรก siendo cierto siempre que los consumidores acepten la falta de selecciรณn de ropa de talla grande. Necesitamos aumentar la presiรณn sobre los minoristas y los diseรฑadores de moda para que vistan a nuestras niรฑas, preadolescentes y adolescentes mรกs grandes.
Tallas de ropa para niรฑas y niรฑos
La ropa de los niรฑos se basa en la edad. Esto supone una curva de crecimiento recta en la que los niรฑos crecen a un ritmo estรกndar. Sin embargo, no todos los cuerpos estรกn hechos para ser rectos. Por ejemplo, una niรฑa de 8 aรฑos puede necesitar una talla 12 para adaptarse a su cintura, pero una talla 12 es demasiado larga.
El momento mรกs difรญcil para las niรฑas de talla grande es cuando se encuentran entre las tallas de ropa infantil y juvenil. Por ejemplo, una niรฑa de 10 aรฑos puede necesitar una talla 2 juvenil que se ajuste a su cintura, pero los agujeros del cuello, de los brazos y el largo estรกn mal. Las tallas juveniles pequeรฑas dan demasiado espacio para el busto, no hay suficiente espacio para la barriga y la longitud es incorrecta para la mayorรญa de los niรฑos.
Tallas de ropa Junior
Las tallas para niรฑos terminan a los 12 aรฑos, momento en el que una niรฑa ingresa al departamento juvenil. Una adolescente de 13 aรฑos de talla grande no podrรก usar la talla 5 o 7 de junior. Necesita ropa que se ajuste a la forma de su cuerpo. Las tallas รบnicas asumen que crecemos de acuerdo con los estรกndares de belleza delgados, sin embargo, la mayorรญa de nosotros no crecemos asรญ.
Este desajuste ocurre justo cuando las niรฑas aumentan de peso en la pubertad, y sus formas estรกn en transiciรณn. Es como si las tallas junior olvidaran que los cuerpos de las preadolescentes aumentan de peso y crecen de manera impredecible. Las tallas รบnicas asumen una proporciรณn estรกndar de pecho, cintura y cadera que no se ajusta a la mayorรญa de la poblaciรณn.
Tallas de las marcas
Cada marca usa su propia tabla de tallas. Esto significa que la talla de una mujer puede variar hasta en cuatro tamaรฑos segรบn la marca de ropa. Esto agrega un estrรฉs significativo para las personas que viven en cuerpos mรกs grandes, las cuales ya se sienten increรญblemente vulnerables en el vestuario y los probadores.
Es posible que una adolescente que tenga mรกs peso en sus muslos no pueda usar ropa de una marca determinada. Una adolescente que lleve el peso en su busto puede encajar perfectamente con esa marca. Esto sucede tanto con las tallas รบnicas, como con las tallas grandes.
La variaciรณn entre marcas puede ser asombrosa e inimaginable. Aquรญ hay una mujer probรกndose la misma talla en diferentes marcas:
Source: Business Insider
Cรณmo comprar en la tienda
Para evitar generar vergรผenza corporal y angustia, investigue un poco antes de ir de compras con su hija. Primero, identifique si su hija es de talla รบnica o talla grande.
Si su hija usa una talla รบnica, podrรก encontrar ropa para ella en la mayorรญa de las principales tiendas. Pero las niรฑas que estรกn en el lado grande de las tallas รบnicas, o que son de talla grande, pueden vรฉrsela mรกs difรญcil al momento de elegir. Usted desea minimizar el dolor de no poder usar el tamaรฑo mรกs grande de la tienda. Si su hija es de talla grande, es probable que tenga mรกs dificultades para encontrar opciones en su centro comercial local.
1. Sea un explorador de la moda:
Vale la pena hacer un poco de exploraciรณn por adelantado. Averigรผe si los minoristas locales venden ropa de talla grande para niรฑas y talla grande para jรณvenes. Es mejor no traer a su hija a sus expediciones de exploraciรณn. Puede ser frustrante para ambos ver que no hay tallas grandes. Resguarde a su hija de la evidencia externa de que algo estรก mal con su cuerpo. Probablemente ya se estรฉ enfrentando a eso todos los dรญas. No podemos proteger a nuestras hijas de los constantes recordatorios de que su cuerpo no se ajusta a nuestro ideal cultural. Pero podemos protegerla de la exposiciรณn innecesaria a las tragedias de la moda.
2. Aumenta los tamaรฑos
Al comprar ropa en una tienda minorista, la clave es prepararse con anticipaciรณn para “aumentar el tamaรฑo”. Esto es especialmente acertado si su hija ha aumentado de peso recientemente o su cuerpo ha cambiado.
Aumentar los tamaรฑos significa que usted elegirรก varios tamaรฑos de la misma prenda, incluido alguno del que tiene la seguridad de que serรก demasiado grande. Igualmente trate de evitar seleccionar algo que estรฉ bastante seguro de que serรก muy pequeรฑo. Haga que su hija se pruebe la ropa desde la talla mรกs grande hasta la mรกs pequeรฑa. Evite mirar la etiqueta de tamaรฑo mientras se prueba. Esto la ayudarรก a disfrutar de cualquier tamaรฑo que realmente le quede, en lugar de empezar con algo pequeรฑo y tratar de forzar su cuerpo a algo incรณmodo o desesperado por el tamaรฑo de su cuerpo.
Anรญmela a ignorar la talla de la etiqueta mientras se prueba la ropa, recordรกndole que cada marca tiene un tamaรฑo diferente y que es importante comprar cosas que le queden bien, independientemente de la talla de la etiqueta. Tenga cuidado al evitar juzgar el proceso de las tallas.
3. No elogie la talla de la ropa
Si le queda un tamaรฑo mรกs pequeรฑo de lo que esperaba, no la elogie por tener un cuerpo mรกs pequeรฑo. Solo reconozca que la prenda le queda bien. Si ella es muy grande para la prenda mรกs grande de un determinado estilo, recuรฉrdele que esa talla es una locura.
Recuerde: si los pantalones no le quedan, es culpa de los pantalones, no de su cuerpo.
Si los pantalones le quedan o no, eso nunca debe significar que usted elogie o desapruebe el cuerpo de su hija. Recuรฉrdele a su hija que el trabajo de la ropa es adaptarse a su cuerpo. No es trabajo de su cuerpo adaptarse a la ropa.
Cรณmo hacer que las compras en lรญnea funcionen
Desafortunadamente, la mayorรญa de las principales tiendas de ropa no ofrecen ropa de talla grande y, si lo hacen, puede ser muy limitada. Una excepciรณn para los Juniors es Forever 21 y H&M, las cuales hacen un trabajo decente al incluir tallas grandes junior directamente en las tiendas.
Muchos minoristas ofrecen tallas grandes en lรญnea. Las compras en lรญnea no son lo mismo que un viaje de compras tradicional, pero es posible que su hija lo prefiera asรญ.
1. Ordene mรกs
Juntas pueden buscar minoristas en lรญnea, llenar carritos de compras y realizar pedidos. Si puede, haga un pedido excesivo de la ropa asumiendo que probablemente devolverรก entre 30% y 70% de toda la ropa comprada en lรญnea. Si su presupuesto lo permite, pida al menos dos tamaรฑos de cada artรญculo para que haya mรกs opciones.
2. Tome medidas
ยกHacer pedidos en exceso no siempre es posible! La alternativa es tomar medidas corporales cuidadosas y consultar las tablas de tallas de cada tienda.
3. Llene el carrito
Considere que su hija haga la parte “divertida” de agregar las cosas que le gustan al carrito. Considere usted asumir la parte difรญcil/frustrante de decidir quรฉ tamaรฑo pedir.
4. Planifique un dรญa de prueba
Espere hasta que lleguen todos los paquetes y tenga un dรญa de prueba. Esta puede ser una divertida rรฉplica de la experiencia en los vestuarios. Arregle toda la ropa en varios tamaรฑos. Diseรฑe diferentes atuendos y combinaciones. Ayude a su hija a evaluar quรฉ tan bien le queda la ropa y haga que se siente, se pare y corra con ella. Hagan una pila con lo que finalmente comprarรกn, lo que quizรกs elijan, y lo que definitivamente devolverรกn. Esto optimizarรก la experiencia de su hija y minimizarรก la vergรผenza por las tallas.
Esto es muy parecido al viaje de compras tradicional, pero en la comodidad del hogar. Una vez que tenga las pilas ordenadas segรบn lo bien que le quede la ropa, puede evaluar su presupuesto y devolver lo que no le queda.
Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.
Many parents have heard about weight loss incentives for kids and wonder whether this approach might actually help. After all, we live in a culture that constantly warns parents to prevent weight gain and encourages them to โkeep an eyeโ on their childrenโs weight for health reasons.
It can feel natural to think that offering rewards or incentives will motivate kids to adopt healthier habits or lose weight more easily. But is this really a good idea? Do the potential benefits of weight loss incentives outweigh the risks?
The short and honest answer is: no.
Weight loss incentives for kids are not only ineffective in the long term, but they can also cause significant harm. While these incentives might seem like a simple way to encourage change, research and firsthand experiences reveal that any benefits are often fleeting. Worse, children who have been offered rewards or punishments tied to their weight frequently report a wide range of negative outcomes, from damaged self-esteem and increased anxiety to unhealthy relationships with food and their bodies. This parent guide will explore why weight loss incentives fall short and offer healthier, more compassionate ways for parents to support their childrenโs well-being.
What are the most common outcomes of weight loss incentives for kids?
But aside from the fact that diets fail, there are other important side effects of asking kids to lose weight, including:
Eating disorders
Body shame and insecurity
A lifetime of weight cycling, which damages health
Negative relationship with food
Feeling “less than” and ashamed of themselves
Disliking the parents/blaming the parent for body image issues
You may think that these impacts pale in comparison to the health implications of living in a larger body, but they do not. In fact we have been fed numerous lies about body fat and health. The bottom line is that health is not based on weight. There are many things parents can do to pursue health without ever using a scale, food restriction, or body shame.
๐ฅ And we should mention another outcome of intentional weight loss (AKA dieting) in childhood: higher adult body weight. That’s right. Children who diet have higher body weights compared to children who do not diet. This effect is likely based on a combination of the complex biological and psychological factors that establish body weight. If your goal is to raise a child who has low weight, then incentivizing your child to intentionally lose weight is one of the worst things you can do.
Weight loss incentives that damaged kids for life
๐ฅ ATTENTION: Under no circumstances should you think that this list has good ideas that you should follow in your own parenting. This is a list compiled from adults who have struggled with eating disorders and body image issues. And they attribute these health-damaging and life-threatening conditions in part to their parents’ misguided attempts to manage their weight.
My parents offered me $10 for every pound I lost. I was 10 years old.
I was told that I would get all new clothes if I lost weight.
We had a family weight chart and had weekly weigh-ins. The winner each week got to pick the movie for family movie night.
Mom took me shopping and let me pick out my favorite outfit. Then she bought it for me – in a smaller size – as incentive to lose weight.
My busy mom promised to spend time with me if we went to Weight Watchers meetings together.
Dad said that whichever of my siblings and I lost the most weight in 45 days would win $100.
I got a scale for my birthday one year, and was promised my “real” gift if I lost weight.
If there is any part of you that thinks the incentives above are healthy, you are mistaken. Putting kids on diets and incentivizing weight loss has far-reaching negative impacts on their health for life.
๐ฅ And you may be surprised to know that kids who diet also have higher adult weights than those who don’t. That’s right. Putting your child on a diet today increases their weight as an adult.
The myth that weight equals health
It’s true that we live in a culture that says body weight is the key to health. But that’s incorrect. It’s been built on the false premise of the BMI, which has been thoroughly discredited yet is still used as a tool to assess health.
Why? It’s complicated. Weight stigma has a long history in our culture, and it has racist, classist, and sexist roots.
Lower weight has been an indication of purity, intelligence, and self-control for over a century. We equate weight with health, but what we are really doing is equating weight with class. A quick look at body weight statistics will show you that you are statistically more likely to be at a lower weight the more socially privileged you are. In our society, that means being white and wealthy.
And of course we can’t ignore the fact that weight loss is big business. The weight loss industry is currently $72B (2019), and it has been growing steadily at a fast pace for the past 50 years.
Parents understandably believe our societal bias, supported by massive marketing campaigns, that weight equals health. But they are mistaken. Strong relationships with our family and body respect are actually where we can make an impact on our kids’ lifetime health.
How parents damage food & body relationships
Kids look to their parents for validation and security. All children seek approval from their parents and long to be “good enough” for their parents’ love. This heartbreaking fact is why weight loss incentives for kids are so damaging and painful.
A child’s body is the child themself. They cannot separate their body from who they are. Thus, telling a child they need to change their body is the same as telling them they need to change who they are as a person to obtain love, affection, and respect.
Here’s what adults told us about what they learned when their parents incentivized weight loss: When my parents incentivized me to lose weight, I learned …
that something was wrong with me. I was imperfect. Disgusting
to associate being hungry with being loved
I wasn’t good enough. I was repulsive and embarrassing to them
acceptance was conditional, and that my parents would love me more if I was thin
that I was different, less “good” than kids who were thin
We heard from so many adults who wish their parents hadn’t put them on a diet or incentivized them to lose weight. Here are some especially poignant comments:
Today it’s hard to enjoy food without a guilty conscience.
I am in eating disorder recovery, and I can’t even talk to my parents right now.
My life revolves around my weight, and I live in constant fear that if I gain weight I will be worthless and alone forever.
What parents should actually do to improve kids’ health
Parents often think that raising healthy kids means raising thin kids. But health is far more complex and multi-faceted than a number on a scale. When parents focus on the scale, they often fail to nurture their kids in the critical health behaviors that positively improve health.
Here’s what parents can do to raise healthy kids:
Connect with each child emotionally, and maintain that connection no matter what. Building emotional safety in the parent-child relationship is possibly the single most important modifiable health behavior.
Ensure kids get plenty of rest and enough sleep every night. Lack of sleep is more directly associated with the health risks commonly ascribed to weight.
Do physical activities as a family and individually with each child in a way that is fun and fulfilling. Play together and hike together. Get outside together or do some stretching in the living room floor. Don’t base movement on outdated and harmful messages of pain and weight loss.
Eat together as often as possible, providing a broad range of food choices but never forcing foods or labeling foods as “good” or “bad.” Don’t restrict your own food in an effort to lose or control your weight.
You can also model healthy behaviors like:
Meaningful connections with friends and family
Taking care of your emotional needs
Not smoking, drinking, or otherwise depending on addictive substances
Moving your body in ways that feel good to you
Eating a diet filled with all food groups and foods that you enjoy and make you feel good
We have been told that weight determines health, but in fact it is the behaviors above, not a number on the scale, that determines our health. If we want to raise healthy kids, this is our roadmap. Weight’s got nothing to do with it.
Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.
Body autonomy, the simple but powerful right to have control over oneโs own body, is something every child deserves. Yet when a child struggles with an eating disorder, that sense of control can feel shattered or tangled in complex ways.
Understanding the connection between body autonomy and eating disorders is key for parents who want to support their childโs recovery in a respectful and empowering way. This parent guide will explore how struggles with control and autonomy show up in eating disorders, why honoring your childโs sense of self matters, and practical ways you can help nurture their independence while guiding them toward healing.
Body autonomy and eating disorders
Terri is worried. Her 14-year-old daughter Natalia had been struggling with an eating disorder for over a year. Terri feels like a helpless bystander and the whole family is suffering.
“Natalia was always so diligent, kind, and helpful,” says Terri. “I never thought she would be the one to struggle with anything. It seemed to me like she was doing so well. But now everything has been turned upside down.”
In addition to the terrifying eating disorder behaviors, Terri has also noticed that Natalia is dressing very differently and has developed a passion for tattoos and body piercing. “It’s all she can talk about,” says Terri. “She spends so much time looking at tattoos and piercings on TikTok. It’s become this new wild passion. She’s wearing dark, torn clothing and wants a green mohawk! She just looks nothing like the girl we knew before.”
I can understand Terri’s concerns, and I also sense that perhaps something related to identity and bodily autonomy is going on. In fact, eating disorders can be seen as a pursuit of bodily autonomy, so this is not unusual. But we need to understand why Natalia is seeking to assert her bodily autonomy. This will help us know how to help her feel better.
Eating disorders and bodily autonomy
It’s not uncommon for eating disorders to overlap with a pursuit of bodily autonomy. Seeking to change your body and control what it does and how it looks makes perfect sense, especially during adolescence. It’s a natural part of human development to test boundaries and try on different identities. But when trying things out involves a drastic change in appearance, using eating disorder behaviors, or otherwise interferes with life, we obviously want to understand more.
It’s not uncommon for people who have an eating disorder to also alter their bodies in other ways. More conventional people may spend time styling their hair, perfecting their makeup and nails, and finding the ideal outfit to fit in with their peers. On the other hand, less conventional teens may become interested in alternative clothing, hairstyles, piercings, and more. Of course, these teens are also “fitting in” with an image, just in a different way from the more conventional teen.
What we want to consider is whether their attention to appearance is normal teenage behavior. Or is it a deeper attempt to assert bodily autonomy?
Bodily autonomy is having ownership over your own body.
Bodily autonomy is an important part of developing into an independent and mentally-healthy person. It can be impacted by situations in which a person doesn’t feel they are in control of their own body. As a result, some people don’t feel they “own” or are in charge of their own bodies. They may seek to claim ownership through appearance and eating disorders.
Some reasons for low bodily autonomy include:
Sexual trauma
Physical abuse
Medical trauma (even though they are life-saving interventions)
Bullying
Accidents such as nearly drowning, car accidents, bike accidents, etc.
Beyond these personal incidents, bodily autonomy can also be impacted by broader social conditions such as:
Laws that prevent people from making decisions about their own body (e.g. anti-abortion laws, anti-gay-marriage laws, anti-trans laws, etc.)
Institutions like patriarchy and white supremacy that devalue groups of people based on their race, gender, sexual orientation, etc.
Beliefs like homophobia and transphobia that demonize people for who they love or which gender fits.
If your child is non-white, female, and/or LGBTQ+, these social conditions reduce their bodily autonomy.
How parents impact a childโs bodily autonomy
Parents may accidentally make children feel they are not in charge of their own bodies. Often this makes perfect sense. For example, when kids are young, parents need to take steps to ensure their child’s safety. But in a highly sensitive child and/or in special cases, these interventions can create a sense of disconnection for the child. These kids need a little extra help to claim ownership of their bodies in a healthy, adaptive way.
There are three main ways that parents can accidentally impact bodily autonomy:
1. Life-saving interventions
Sometimes threats to bodily autonomy are medically necessary. For example, some parents must approve medical surgeries and interventions for their children. It may be a feeding tube for an eating disorder or surgery for a congenital defect. Regardless of why they are necessary, these medical interventions take away the childโs power to control their own bodies.
They are literally life-saving. And they still amount to a loss of bodily autonomy and thus can create trauma for the child. Trauma studies show that traumatic events impact different people in different ways. This is based on a combination of biology and how the trauma is dealt with or processed.
There are some people who are biologically more sensitive to bodily threats and trauma. But even for people who are not extra-sensitive, trauma tends to settle in if it’s not processed. Processing trauma with a professional can go a long way to preventing long-term post-traumatic traumatic stress.
2. Safety
There is a tricky boundary between keeping kids physically safe and allowing them to explore the world. This is an ongoing debate between parenting experts. Think of the difference between the bestselling books Free-Range Kids and Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. These promote completely opposite approaches to raising kids.
Free-Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy promotes complete bodily autonomy by allowing children to explore the world freely. Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua promotes very low bodily autonomy and high parent monitoring. It even includes rules like no sleepovers.
As with most divisive parenting approaches, something in between is probably a good approach for most kids. They need certain boundaries but should have enough bodily autonomy to feel as if they are in charge of themselves. This is especially important as they grow older. Figuring out these boundaries is an imperfect pursuit – we all do our best.
3. Lack of Awareness
There is a third, surprising way that parents can accidentally impact kids’ bodily autonomy, and it’s lack of awareness and understanding of the conditions that can reduce autonomy. For example, if parents are not informed and talking about racism, sexism, misogyny, homophobia and transphobia, then their child will grow up without the benefit of knowing that these issues are not their fault or a personal failure. They are a failure of our society. On the other hand, if parents talk about and educate their children about racism, sexism, misogyny, homophobia and transphobia, their children are more likely to develop bodily autonomy despite the social conditions. Similarly, traumatic experiences can be overcome if parents are educated about the impact of trauma on the sense of bodily autonomy and actively counteract it.
When eating disorders serve a purpose
There are many ways to look at an eating disorder. And no single view is going to address the full complexity of eating disorders. But one way to see an eating disorder is a way for a child to assert bodily autonomy and independence. As in: “You can’t tell me what to eat! Stop watching me! I’ll do it myself! I know best!”
When I talked about this with Terri, she felt an intuitive sense that we were onto something. “Natalia had a congenital heart defect that we had to have corrected when she was just two years old,” says Terri. “I can definitely see that the stress of having my baby get an operation influenced how I parented her. It caused me to be very anxious about her safety. I think most of it was unconscious. But as I look back, I know that I gave her brother a lot more freedom than I gave her.”
Terri was responding in a natural and intuitive way to the threat of medical complications. It makes perfect sense that, without realizing it, she was more nervous and cautious about Natalia.
When looking through this lens, we could consider how Natalia’s eating disorder behaviors and attention to her appearance were signaling that Natalia was craving her own independent identity. Also, we know that trauma often underlies eating disorders. We could hypothesize that the necessary surgery was likely a traumatic event for her. Trauma can be an issue even if she doesn’t consciously remember the details.
Eating disorder treatment often denies bodily autonomy
Terri also considered the impact of Natalia’s eating disorder treatment so far. “We took her to the emergency room against her will. And that began a series of medical and therapeutic interventions that were necessary but probably traumatic for her,” says Terri. “I’m so confused because we did what we had to do to keep her alive. But now it seems like maybe that made things worse?”
I assured Terri that many parents face this challenge. And she hadn’t done anything wrong. We have a responsibility to intervene to keep our kids as safe as possible. At the same time, while the interventions were medically necessary, they likely created additional trauma for Natalia. Both of these things can be true at the same time.
The solution is not to regret choices already made – they were necessary! Instead, focus on future action to address the trauma. Now that she’s out of medical danger, Terri can get help for Nadia’s trauma and help build her sense of bodily autonomy.
What parents can do to help
Parents can help their kids recover from an eating disorder by understanding the role of bodily autonomy in emotional health. Our ability to feel independent, strong, and in control of our circumstances is important. Parents who empower their children to claim their bodily autonomy will see positive results.
First, ask these questions:
Is my child showing signs of a need for greater bodily autonomy? (e.g. eating disorder, unusual hair and clothes, body modification such as tattoos and piercings, etc.)
Did my child experience trauma? Was there any situation in which they were physically out of control of their own body?
Have I been anxious as a parent and even over-parented in some ways?
Have I given my child ways to assert control over their own life and body?
If any of the above is true, then it makes sense to consider the role bodily autonomy is playing in your childโs recovery.
With these questions, Terri could connect some dots. She saw how situations that were out of her control had resulted in a lack of bodily autonomy for Natalia. This was a major breakthrough for her. We often feel helpless to help our kids until we understand what might have contributed to their troubles. Once we identify why things could be happening, we are better able to help.
Improving bodily autonomy when there’s an eating disorder
Here are some things that parents can do to increase their childโs sense of bodily autonomy:
Work on your own fears and worries. Get some help in building your anxiety tolerance so you avoid passing it along to your child.
If trauma is a factor in your child’s history, seek treatment for the trauma. Talk therapy may not be as effective as somatic (body) therapies for trauma, since trauma is held in the body.
Become educated about and talk to your child about racism, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia and other harmful and exclusionary systems so they are empowered to claim their right to exist as they are.
Seek ways to increase your childโs bodily autonomy. What choices can you allow them to make for themselves? In what ways can they be responsible for their own life choices?
Look for ways to gain consent and agreement before imposing rules, systems, and structures on your child.
Encourage your child to express themselves through their body without a sense of shame or rebellion. The more we allow healthy self-expression, the less likely it is to become a problem.
Let go of bothersome but not permanent and/or dangerous forms of expression. For example, allow strange clothing, nail polish, and hairstyles – they are temporary and harmless. On the other hand, it’s OK to hold boundaries on things like tattoos and piercings while your child is under 18 if that’s something you feel strongly about.
Consider how your childโs eating disorder treatment may contribute to a lack of bodily autonomy. Seek treatment providers who maximize personal responsibility and agency rather than those who seek to control your child’s behaviors.
Look for ways to improve your empathy, unconditional positive regard, and attunement to your childโs emotional needs. Seek support and guidance from a counselor, therapist, or coach to learn these skills.
Moving forward
If your child is in immediate medical danger, you may need to take control of their physical health. But you can still improve your childโs bodily autonomy through the process. Many parents have to make choices that impact their kids’ bodily autonomy. It’s OK! Just help your child process the trauma with the help of a trained trauma therapist.
Terri found a wonderful EMDR therapist for Natalia who worked with her medical trauma. Meanwhile, Terri worked on expanding Natalia’s sense of agency and control over her life. While she couldn’t release all oversight of Natalia’s health due to the eating disorder, we found lots of small ways to increase Natalia’s sense of freedom and choice in other areas of her life.
Recognizing the link between bodily autonomy and the psychology of eating disorders made a big difference. Within a few months, Terri felt closer and more connected to Natalia, and things were looking a whole lot better for the whole family!
Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.
For privacy, names and identifying details have been changed in this article.
Racism is a significant and often overlooked issue within the eating disorder community, and it can contribute to, or even cause eating disorders. The chronic stress and trauma caused by racism deeply impact the mental and physical health of those who experience it.
Unfortunately, many media portrayals, medical professionals, and treatment programs don’t acknowledge that eating disorders affect people of all races and ethnicities, not just white communities. This lack of representation means that treatment options, research, and educational resources often fail to address the unique challenges faced by people experiencing racism. This guide is designed to help parents understand and navigate the complex realities of racism in eating disorder spaces, so they can advocate effectively for their childโs care and healing.
Racism and eating disorders
Black people get eating disorders at least as often as white people. But parents, doctors, therapists, and even eating disorder professionals often miss the signs of eating disorders in marginalized communities. This is primarily due to implicit racial biases.
Many people like to say that mental health does not discriminate, but it does. Take a look around and see who is featured in mental health and eating disorder articles, books, and movies. The vast majority are white. This leads to unseen discrimination and racism that must be recognized and addressed.
Discrimination against Black people runs deep in healthcare and society. As a result, many people of color will never gain a mental health diagnosis or receive treatment. And racism means it’s unlikely they will get an eating disorder diagnosis.
There are several ways that racism affects eating disorder identification and treatment in Black people:
There is very little research on eating disorders in any community.
Most eating disorder research participants, professionals, and researchers are white.
Clinicians are significantly less likely to screen Black people for eating disorders.
Clinicians rarely recognize symptoms of sub-clinical anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder – the most common eating disorders.
Food insecurity, which disproportionately affects Black people, is strongly correlated with eating disorder development.
Chronic stress, trauma, and Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs), which are associated with eating disorders, disproportionately affect Black people.
Statistics about eating disorders in African Americans
There is very little research on eating disorders. But it is especially scarce when it comes to African Americans. [1] Two important studies have given us important insights. And the research shows that eating disorders are likely equally prevalent among Black and white females*.
Black girls were 50% more likely than white girls to exhibit bulimic behavior. [17]
About 2.6% of Black girls were clinically bulimic, compared to 1.7% of white girls. [17]
Black girls scored an average of 17 percentage points higher than their white counterparts on the severity of bulimia. [17]
Black women were as likely as white women to report binge eating or vomiting. [2]
Recurrent binge eating was more common among Black women than among white women. [2]
African Americans have a younger age of onset for anorexia than the general US population. [3]
Anorexia is less common in Blacks than Whites, but it is approximately twice as persistent. [3]
*Eating disorders occur in males as well as females. I am currently seeking data regarding male eating disorders in Black people and will add it as soon as possible.
Eating disorders are more than anorexia
For too long, the eating disorder field has failed to present a diverse picture of who gets eating disorders. Most people think of eating disorders as anorexia and assume they only affect white teenage girls. The media almost always begins articles about eating disorders with the image and first-person story of a thin white woman battling anorexia.
But eating disorders affect all ages, genders and races. And anorexia is the least common eating disorder. [4]
The most common eating disorder – more than double the proportion of anorexia and bulimia combined – is binge eating disorder. [4]
This bias means that parents and healthcare providers are typically ignorant of eating disorder symptoms. When you’re only looking at weight, you miss the majority of eating disorders.
Under-diagnosed and under-treated
Because of the low level of research into the field, physicians rarely catch eating disorders unless they are specifically prompted. Even then, they often miss eating disorder symptoms. The only diagnostic tool that most physicians use is weight. So unless a patient is significantly underweight, they are unlikely to recognize an eating disorder. Physicians infrequently assess patients for binge eating, and often fail to recognize bulimia and binge eating disorder. [5, 6]
Although eating disorders can have a significant impact on life and health, they are rarely diagnosed and treated. Non weight-based eating disorder remain invisible. It’s likely that even the scarce research available for eating disorders is a woeful under-count of the true prevalence.
Only a minority of people who know that they may have an eating disorder seek treatment. [4]
The incidence of bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder have exploded in the second half of the twentieth century. [4]
Fewer than half of individuals with bulimia nervosa or binge eating disorder ever sought treatment for their eating disorder. [4]
But it’s not just that people with eating disorders don’t seek help. A study found that most people with an eating disorder have received treatment for another emotional problem. [4] This means they have received mental healthcare and their eating disorder remains undiagnosed. Their mental healthcare providers failed to recognize and diagnose their eating disorder.
Racism may mean doctors don’t look for an eating disorder
Doctors are unlikely to catch eating disorders in white populations. They are even less likely to find them in Black patients. Because they do not expect eating disorders among Black people, doctors miss them. [3]
This is of special concern since anorexia arises at younger ages in Black people. It’s also diagnosed less frequently. So it’s untreated for a longer time compared to whites. [3]
Doctors and therapists should be trained to look for eating disorders. And they should be trained to overcome their racial biases, which impact healthcare at every level.
Healthcare outcomes for Black Americans are far worse in every aspect. So itโs no surprise that racism impacts eating disorder diagnosis and treatment.
Racism is stressful
There is evidence to suggest that people who have eating disorders are more likely to be sensitive to chronic stress. [8] When you’re chronically stressed, food and eating disorder behaviors can be powerful soothing agents. Eating disorder behaviors are considered coping mechanisms.
Stress impacts our bodies in many ways. And racism is inherently stressful, which can trigger an eating disorder and other problems. Living your life in a body that is discriminated against can create chronic, toxic stress. Researchers have observed a strong link between discrimination and the following health conditions:
Hypertension & diabetes [9]
Adverse birth outcomes [10]
Cigarette smoking, alcohol/substance use, improper nutrition and refusal to seek medical services [11]
Mental health disorders [12]
We can make a connection between the stress of racism and an eating disorder diagnosis. For example, bulimia is strongly associated with stress and is higher for Black people. This may be due to the stress of racism. [13]
Additionally, the most common eating disorder among Black people is binge eating disorder, with an onset age of 22.75 years. This older age of onset may reflect that the cause is stress from racism, not body image. [3] Racism impacts Black people on many levels of mental health. And of course it impacts eating disorder diagnosis and treatment.
Food insecurity and eating disorders
Food insecurity disproportionately affects Black people and other people of color. At least 72% of African-American and Latino children are at high risk. In addition, 25% of these children face a constant struggle with hunger. [14]
Here are some connections between food insecurity and eating disorders:
7% of individuals with food insecurity exhibited a clinically significant eating disorder. This compared with less than 3% of participants in the non-food insecure group.
Adults who experience significant food deprivation regularly are more likely to engage in several disordered eating behaviors.
Food insecure individuals engaged in more objective binge eating and overeating. Also night-time eating, purging and other compensatory behaviors. These include exercising harder than usual and using laxatives/water pills. And food restriction, such as skipping two or more meals in a row, and dietary restraint.
High food insecurity corresponded with an increase in weight/body shape concerns. This is because of weight stigma: societally held judgement, biases, and prejudice predetermined by weight and body shape.
People facing food insecurity are twice as likely to develop an eating disorder than people who are not.
Black Americans are more likely to experience food insecurity than white Americans.
Itโs likely that the prevalence of eating disorders in Black people is much higher than reported.
How to help
If you are Black and suspect your child may have an eating disorder, please pursue treatment. Unfortunately, discrimination is an enormous problem in treating eating disorders in Black children. All parents who have kids with eating disorders must become advocates for adequate care. But Black parents have an even larger burden.
If you would like to read about eating disorders from Black writers, here are some articles and books:
The National Eating Disorders Association has a comprehensive list of resources that may help. The list includes a free online eating disorder support group for BIPOC.
NOTE: I am white. I have done my best to become educated on anti-racism. But ignorance contributes to mistakes, and language is ever-evolving. Please contact me if you believe I need to make changes.
Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.
[3] Prevalence of Eating Disorders among Blacks in the National Survey of American Life. Taylor, Caldwell, Baser, Faison, Jackson, Int J Eat Disord, Nov 2007
[5] A survey of binge eating and obesity treatment practices among primary care providers. Crow SJ, Peterson CB, Levine AS, Thuras P, Mitchell JE, Int J Eat Disord. Apr 2004
[6] Health problems, impairment and illnesses associated with bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder among primary care and obstetric gynaecology patients. Johnson JG, Spitzer RL, Williams JB, Psychol Med, Nov 2001
[15] Physical and mental health outcomes associated with prior food insecurity among young adults. Darling, Fahrenkamp, Wilson, DโAuria, Sato, Journal of Health Psychology, 2017
Whether we like it or not, parents are our kids’ default body image educators. This means that even if we never intentionally address body image with our kids, they’re still learning from us. It’s a little overwhelming to think about, but it’s also empowering. We can make a huge impact on how our kids feel about their bodies, and we can turn the tide on increasing rates of body hate, disordered eating, and eating disorders!
I spoke with Ginny Ramseyer Winter, MSW, Ph.D., who is the founding director of the Center for Body Image Research & Policy at the University of Missouri. She is doing important research about body image. Her work is designed to help shape policy, education, healthcare and how we parent our kids, all with the goal of improving body image.
“You’re educating your children about body image even when you’re saying nothing,” says Ramseyer Winter. “When you skip over important topics like diet culture and fatphobia, that’s a message. It can be difficult, but I really would like parents to understand that it’s healthy to acknowledge and talk about body issues.”
Kids and negative body image
Body image is something we all have, and it’s heavily shaped by environmental factors. The way the media, industries, teachers, doctors, families, and peers talk about bodies is typically very harsh. Bodies are most often presented as something to be controlled and restricted.
As a result of our cultural messages about bodies, kids as young as three years old are reporting the desire to lose weight. Toddlers already know that larger bodies are “bad” and smaller bodies are “good.”
Parents are often caught up in a war with their own bodies, which makes it difficult for them to address their kids’ fears. As a result, parents may inadvertently reinforce cultural body-shaming beliefs.
Some things parents often do is:
Complain about their own bodies and restrict their weight
Criticize other people for being too heavy (often couched as “not healthy”)
Not educate kids about the value of every body, regardless of its size
Fail to point out that fat-shaming and weight stigma are discriminatory and harmful to a significant portion of our population
Respond to fears of being fat with reassurances like “you’re not fat, you’re beautiful!”
These responses are natural and normal in our society, and yet they are harmful to our kids’ self-esteem and self-worth. They can accidentally lead to lifetime struggles with body image and eating.
Why is body dissatisfaction so prevalent in kids?
The intentions behind body shaming are typically well-meaning. People believe that the way a body appears and what it weighs indicates its level of health. They also believe that everyone should restrict their body weight and feel bad about a body that is larger. These beliefs are not an accident.
Fatphobia has been around for over a century. But we have experienced a massive increase with the rise of the $70 billion diet industry. This industry funds our media outlets with powerful advertising. Most media outlets would not be able to survive without fatphobic advertising messages.
Together, the media and the diet industry have shaped our cultural beliefs about bodies and weight. They have impacted the way doctors and teachers talk about weight. Even scientists approach weight studies with the implicit bias that fat is bad. And yet science has not concluded that higher weights increase mortality, in fact, there is evidence to the contrary. Yet almost everyone believes that being in a larger body is deadly.
The belief that fat is bad directly supports the diet industry, despite the fact that not a single diet has been proven to be safe or effective. Almost all people regain any weight lost intentionally, and most people gain more weight and begin weight cycling, which is health-damaging. Diets are also the leading cause of eating disorders.
How can parents educate their kids about body image?
Body hate is running rampant through our society. Itโs based on beliefs that were placed in our psyche by the highly profitable diet industry and supported by media, researchers, governments, teachers, doctors, and peers. But fear of fat is not doing any of us any good. In fact, our current generation of kids is displaying higher than ever rates of body dissatisfaction, disordered eating, and eating disorders. Our war against bodies is hurting our kids.
Parents can help their kids have a better body image by teaching them that all bodies are worthy of respect at any size. Ramseyer Winter has the following suggestions for families who want to support positive body image for kids.
Support positive body image:
Banish diet culture from your home. No diets, restrictive food programs, or trying to manipulate weight
Focus on the body’s function rather than its appearance or aesthetic. Talk about what our bodies do for us, not how they look.
Limit/manage social media. Take a look at both the time they’re spending on social media and the content. Help kids fill their feeds with things that make them feel good about their bodies. Follow people who are spreading fat activism and positive body image.
Practice Intuitive Eating. Or at least model mindful eating, self care, and self compassion.
Engage in activity that makes you feel good. Try not to think about exercise as something that you do to burn calories. Find things that you enjoy, and do them together when possible.
Eat meals together. Even if they are just snacks, or dessert. Try to get together to eat and enjoy food regularly.
Use fat as a neutral term. Don’t use fat as either positive or negative. And the same goes for the euphemisms for being fat, like “not healthy” or “too big,” etc.
“Some parents have heard some of these ideas,” says Ramseyer Winter. “For others, these are new concepts. I really like working with parents on this issue. We can come up with innovative ways to interact with kids differently when it comes to their bodies. And I’m really interested in making sure that dads (as well as moms) are included in these conversations.โ
More and more schools are implementing programs that weigh children regularly, but many parents donโt realize they usually have the option to opt out, and itโs an option worth considering, no matter your childโs weight. For most kids, school weigh-ins can be upsetting and stressful, causing unnecessary anxiety around their bodies. As parents, itโs important to ask tough questions about whether this practice truly benefits our children or simply adds pressure and harm, increasing risk of negative body image and disordered eating.
Questions about school weigh-ins
Why should the school weigh my child?
How will this personal health data be used?
Given that this is private health data, how is my child’s privacy being protected?
Does weighing kids at school have any impact on their health?
Do the risks of weighing my child at school outweigh the benefits (if there are any)?
As parents, we have the right to ask these questions. Many times the answers are vague, and focus on “preventing childhood obesity.” But exactly how does weighing children at school do that? It turns out it doesn’t. Weighing kids at school has not been shown to impact their weight status or health. It has not reduced childhood obesity despite being in practice for decades.
A randomized controlled trial (the scientific gold standard) published in 2016 found that school-based weight interventions that included weighing children, nutrition counseling, and access to an after-school exercise program were not effective in reducing BMI or improving health behaviors. Journal of School Health
You can give these cards to your school administration, your child’s teacher, or have your child keep them in their backpack to prevent at-school weigh-ins. Being weighed at school is a choice, not an obligation.
Kids do not like school weigh-in programs. When asked, they express confusion, concern, and even terror about being weighed at school. Children may ask to miss school on weigh-in days. This happens even when adults weigh the children one-on-one and don’t comment on the weights publicly.
Think about a group of children waiting in line, waiting to be weighed, watching their peers going in to be weighed. What do you think they are talking about? Weight! They are saying things like “what do you think he weighs?” “she’s so skinny!” and “I’m so fat!”
These are not healthy conversations for people of any age or size. They are a common side effect of being weighed at school while living in a culture of weight stigma.
Many adults remain traumatized by school weigh-in programs from their own childhoods 25+ years ago.
“I remember being weighed in front of all my friends at school when I was about 9. Iโve never been so embarrassed in my life! I was told in front of my whole class I was obese. That was the beginning of my eating disorder.”
While many schools attempt to avoid public shaming, the problems with school weight programs remain.
“I hated being weighed at school today. It’s all anyone talked about all day – their weight, other people’s weight. It was awful!”
Why we should opt out of school weight programs
School weight programs are a perfect example of people meaning well but doing harm. School weight programs have not been shown to have any benefit to the children who are weighed. They have not been shown to reduce weight individually or among populations. And even if they did, intentional weight loss is not associated with improved health, and may even lead to reduced health long-term.
A school that focuses any time on children’s weight is very likely to do more harm than good. Here are the reasons we opt out of school weight programs.
1. No evidence of positive impact
Given that we all know that being weighed at school is stressful, there should be good reason to do it. But even a carefully planned and expertly delivered weight program had zero impact on weight, health behaviors or health.
The study published in the Journal of School Health set itself up for success. It implemented an intensive 6-week program incorporating weekly 30-minute counseling sessions followed by a 6-month maintenance phase with monthly sessions and weekly weigh-ins.
Each visit included:
a weigh-in
review of diet and physical activity log
assessment of progress toward behavioral goals with a review of successes and strategies used and problem-solving challenges experienced
discussion of the sessionโs topics using a student booklet
assessment of current behavior related to topics and discussion of challenges and strategies for improving
structured goal setting for the coming week.
A Food and Activity Tracking Log was provided to support the child in making healthy behavior changes. There was also a comprehensive exercise component.
Despite this advanced program developed by weight loss experts, students in the intervention did not show lower BMI, percent body fat, or waist circumference. Additionally, there were no differences in health behaviors compared to the control group.
Most schools do not have an advanced program like this in place, and merely weigh our kids with no follow-up. So what are they attempting to do when they weigh our kids?
2. Perpetuates weight stigma
There is no evidence to support any benefits of weighing kids at school. And worse, it often causes harm. One reason is that weighing kids at school perpetuates weight stigma. This is the assumption that people are “better” or “worse” based on their weight status.
School weigh-in programs, even those conducted following guidelines designed to minimize risk of stigma and bullying, perpetuate weight stigma and bring weight to the center of conversation for at least one day of the school year.
“I feel so ashamed standing in line to be weighed. Everyone is looking at me and they all know that I’m the fattest kid in the class. I feel their eyes on me and their judgement.”
Bringing weight into the school conversation alongside spelling, history, and math tells our kids that their body weight is just as important as their brain. It’s not.
Weight stigma is strongly associated with negative health outcomes. In fact, many suggest that the problems that have been associated with high body weight are more likely due to weight stigma.
Weight stigma shows up in every corner of our society already. It is in our homes, healthcare settings, and schools. But weight stigma is not making us healthier. In fact, a focus on weight reduction in U.S. schools and healthcare settings has occurred at the same time as rising national weights. In other words, it’s quite possible that weight-stigmatizing behaviors are making us gain weight!
3. Perpetuates diet culture
Another reason our children should not be weighed at school is that we live in a diet culture. This is the assumption that people can and should control their body weight through restrictive eating and increased exercise.
Our diet culture means that many children will restrict food leading up to the weigh-in, or will begin restricting after finding out their weight status at school. Diet culture means that we cannot weigh our children without simultaneously suggesting that they lose weight.
“Mom, I can’t understand how I’m “overweight.” Where? I just can’t figure out what I’m supposed to do with this information.”
Weight loss methods are often called “lifestyle changes,” but the majority of bodies require mild starvation in order to lose weight. Intentional weight loss is dieting, no matter what we call it. One study found that girls who diet are 25% more likely to develop an eating disorder.
Dieting, regardless of the specific method, has such massive failure rates and side effects that it should be permanently removed from practice. Intentional weight loss results in regain, often plus more, in 90-95% of cases. And it causes permanent changes to the metabolism, making future weight gain more likely.
Over and over again, studies have found that the most common side effect of intentional weight loss is higher weight. Take a moment to imagine healthcare and educational systems that recommend treatment with this level of failure. It’s outrageous.
Opt out: the best imperfect solution
In a perfect world, we would like schools to stop weighing children. However, with weight stigma deeply embedded in our culture, this is unlikely. Luckily, most school weight programs are “opt-out.” This means that parents have the option to opt out of having their child weighed at school.
We recommend that parents opt-out of having their children weighed at school for children of all sizes. This is part of our work towards social justice. Weight stigma will be perpetuated if only the kids in larger bodies opt-out of school weighing. But if kids of all size bodies opt-out, it is a firm statement that weight does not belong at school. It is a statement that all kids deserve to be free of weight stigma.
Check with your district regarding their weighing policy. Find out whether they weigh students and, if they do, whether you can opt out. If not, consider what options you have. Perhaps you can start a movement in your district, or at least at your school. Bodyweight is private medical data. Parents have the right to opt-out of their kids being weighed at school.
Health can be weight-free!
The good news is that not having your child weighed at school does not mean you don’t support your child’s health. In fact, in almost all cases, health exists completely separately from weight.
Schools can certainly improve kids’ health by focusing on movement and nutrition. As long as these programs are free from weight stigma and diet culture, they can be effective and helpful. A few basic principles should guide school health programs:
No food should be labeled “good” or “bad.” This includes “healthy” and “unhealthy,” which everyone knows is code for good/bad.
Exercise should never be promoted as a way to “shape up,” “get lean,” or lose weight.
There should be no mention of “no pain, no gain,” or other fitness euphemisms for suffering in order to look a certain way.
Adults should avoid labeling people who are thin as “healthy” compared to people who are larger. Body size is not a reliable indicator of health status.
Nobody should ever be told they need to “watch” their weight. Everybody knows this means restrict food and increase exercise, which is a diet.
Nobody should ever be complimented for weight loss. This perpetuates the idea that thinner is better.
Adults should never promote, discuss, or suggest any restrictive eating behaviors, including vegan, vegetarian, paleo, etc.
With these guidelines, schools can positively impact our kids’ health without any of the damaging side effects of weight-based health discussions. When our kids are free from body hate, disordered eating, and eating disorders, they are undoubtedly healthier.
You can give these cards to your school administration, your child’s teacher, or have your child keep them in their backpack to prevent at-school weigh-ins. Being weighed at school is a choice, not an obligation.
Girls today are growing up in a world filled with pressure to look a certain way, and itโs taking a serious toll on their self-esteem. As a parent, you want to protect your daughter from harmful messages about her body and help her build lasting confidence. Thatโs why we created You’re Fine! Body Image for Girls, a free, powerful eBook designed to support you in raising a daughter who feels strong and secure in her body.
The book is written by Ginny Jones, the founder and editor of More-Love.org, and her 13-year-old daughter, Raina Rose. Together, theyโve created an accessible and heartfelt guide to help girls develop a positive body image. This book quickly and clearly presents the key tenets of body positivity and body acceptance. It helps girls understand the culture we live in and gives them tools to confidently rebel against the forces that fuel body hate.
Grounded in the principles of Health at Every Sizeยฎ and a non-diet, intuitive eating approach to health, this eBook promotes a compassionate, evidence-based framework for well-being. Instead of focusing on weight or appearance, it encourages girls to listen to their bodies, trust themselves, and define health on their own terms.
Download your free copy today and take the first step in helping your daughter grow up with the confidence, resilience, and self-love every girl deserves.
I hope you will download this book and consider sharing it with your daughters, nieces, godchildren, students, patients, and student-athletes. All girls deserve to have a positive body image!
Here’s the opening letter from Raina Rose:
Introduction letter from Raina Rose
Hi peeps! I’m Raina Rose.
Body image is a tough subject, and I feel like a lot of girls feel confused. Because on the one hand, we see that body and weight is important in our culture, but when we try to talk about it with grown ups, they just tell us we should love our bodies. I donโt know about you, but that really doesnโt help me.
To me, โlove your bodyโ is just another way of making us feel bad about ourselves. Thatโs why I have a different approach – how about we just know that weโre OK – weโre fine. Itโs OK and normal to have bad body thoughts. And itโs OK and normal to look in the mirror and feel bummed sometimes.
Hereโs the only thing you need to know: you donโt have to love your body. You donโt have to think itโs perfect in every way. You just have to remind yourself that youโre worthy of respect in any body! I know it feels like you need to fix yourself, improve yourself, and look like the prettiest girl at school. But honestly, youโre good. As you are. No need to do anything or fix anything. Youโre fine!
Iโm going to provide you with information about body image, fatphobia, and why dieting is not a good idea. These are all tricky topics, and they can feel really confusing. If your mom made you read thousands of puberty books like mine did, youโll remember that all of them included grown-ups saying something along the lines of, โI wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that I was beautiful.โ Did you read that in a fake-sounding sing-song voice? I sure did.
โOkay lady, thatโs great, but no matter how many times you say that, itโs not changing my self-criticism.โ
I remember reading that and thinking, โOkay lady, thatโs great, but no matter how many times you say that, itโs not changing my self-criticism.โ Itโs as if that lady thinks that saying that she wishes that she loved her body back then will make me love my body now.
Reading the same passage again and again didnโt change my thoughts. I thought it was broken. โWhatโs with this?โ I would think, โIโm supposed to think Iโm beautiful, but I donโt. So whatโs up with that?โ
The thing is, no matter how many times you read inspirational quotes about loving yourself. No matter how many times your mom says youโre beautiful. Itโs not going to change the fact that the media and our culture at large is built to create self-hatred and body shame. Telling us to โlove our bodiesโ without seeing our bodies within the larger culture just isnโt enough.
If being told you should love your body has changed how you feel about your body, then contact me. Because I will go to your house, bow down at your feet, and shower you with Cadbury eggs, money, and possibly buttons. Seriously, I have a lot of buttons. I need to get rid of them.
We are all beautiful
Nevertheless, we are all beautiful. And sometimes you might not see it or believe it. But I guarantee that if I see you, I will think you are beautiful. Thatโs because often we can see beauty in other people that we canโt see in ourselves. But donโt be mad at yourself if you donโt feel beautiful. Just remind yourself that youโre normal (and awesome). Donโt diet. Donโt hate your body. You don’t have to compare yourself to other girls or women wearing tiny bikinis on Instagram. Youโre fine.
There will be times of doubt. I often find myself complimenting my friendsโ looks and then wishing that I looked like them. Thatโs just how we seem to be, and itโs not an accident. Billion-dollar companies create unattainable beauty standards and encourage us to compare ourselves to others and compete with each other. Then they tell us that if we buy their product we can look just like their models. Donโt feel beautiful yet? Thatโs OK, they have another product for us to buy! And so the cycle goes. Over and over and over again.
The fact that we feel bad about ourselves and as if weโre in competition with other girls and women doesnโt mean thereโs something wrong with us. But it also doesnโt mean that we have to believe it!
We live in a messed up world, peeps. But this book is hoping to bring a little light into this cave we call society. Enjoy!
Hearing your tween daughter call herself โfatโ can be heartbreaking and confusing. Itโs a sign that sheโs struggling with negative body image, something many young girls face as they navigate changing bodies and social pressures.
But thereโs hope. Understanding why she feels this way is the first step toward helping her build lasting confidence and self-love. In this guide, weโll explore the truth behind these feelings and share powerful, practical ways you can support your daughter on her journey to a positive body image.
Tween body image starts early
Are you shocked because you didn’t expect her to think that about herself at such a young age? It’s sadly common. One study found that nearly half of girls aged 3-6 years old are afraid of being fat. This is a startling indication of the level of weight stigma and fatphobia we have achieved in our society.
There are two types of girls who worry they are “too fat.” First, there are girls who are in larger bodies according to their body weight. In other words, they are larger than many of their peers. These girls are given lectures at doctors’ appointments and have trouble finding clothing that fits them well in stores. Second, there are girls who are technically in smaller bodies. These girls are automatically assumed to be “healthy” based on their weight and have no trouble finding clothing in stores.
There’s a difference
It’s important to recognize the difference in these girls. We must understand that our girls know that in our society, being fat is considered a terrible thing. Societal messages constantly reinforce the idea that being thin is the path to health, happiness, and success. Thus it shouldn’t be surprising that tweens use the word “fat” as a slur. But also, when a tween girl feels bad about herself she will call herself “fat” as a stand in for feeling sad, bad, or lonely.
When a larger girl calls herself fat it is very likely she is experiencing discrimination, or fatphobia in the world. She must be supported in recognizing that fatphobia is wrong and harmful and accepting her body as it is. When a smaller girl calls herself fat she is perpetuating fatphobia. She has picked up on messages that fat is bad, and needs to be taught that it’s not OK to use fat as a slur against herself or others.
5 rules about the word “fat”
Maybe you’re surprised that I”m using the word fat. If so, here are some ground rules so you understand exactly how and why I use it.
Fat should never be used as a slur or a way to criticize bodies.
If you are not fat then in general you should not use the word fat unless you have been educated and truly understand appropriate uses.
Fat can be used as a neutral descriptor. You have fat in different places on your body just like you have hair in different parts of your body. You can be fat just as you can be blonde or tall. But you should not use these words unless you sure it is both neutral and true.
Fat is a feature, not a feeling. It should not be used as a stand-in for feelings like scared, sad, or lonely.
If someone is large and uses the word fat as a way to describe their body, do not correct them. Fat people get to claim the word “fat” for themselves if they want to.
Now let’s explore how you can respond to your tween daughter when she calls herself fat.
Guidelines for parents who have larger kids:
A tween girl who is actually considered “fat” is going to face discrimination. She will be criticized for her weight and will have trouble finding clothes. This is terrible, and it’s also true. Parents need to recognize that if their child is physically larger, she’ll need extra support in accepting her body.
1. Don’t tell her that it’s just baby fat/she’s not fat, etc.
Don’t say that she will grow out of it. And don’t demand that she is not fat, she’s beautiful. All of these things can make her feel even more ashamed of her body. They all suggest that fat is bad, and something to get over and/or be ashamed of. Instead, talk to her about what it means to live in a larger body in our society. Help her understand that we are more than bodies.
2. Tell her it’s not OK
It’s never OK for your child to be criticized, teased, or marginalized for her body size. Bodies are a social justice issue. They are assaulted by racism, sexism, and other forms of discrimination. Parents who have larger kids need to become social justice warriors who are willing to fight back against our culture. We can build a kinder world for our children (and everyone), but it’s not going to happen without work. Read More: Weight stigma and your child
3. Work on your own food and body issues
Our kids are finely attuned to how we feel about them. If you have food and body issues, there is a good chance that you are struggling to accept your child’s body. Invest time and energy into understanding body politics and fatphobia so that you can help your child. Read More: Get off the diet cycle and raise healthier kids
4. Teach her to accept her body (and never diet)
Trying to change our body size and shape doesn’t work, and it leads to eating disorders, so our main goal as parents of children living in larger bodies is to help them never, ever diet, which means we need to help them accept their weight, whatever it is. Read More: The science to support a non-diet, weight-neutral approach
5. Find out her feelings about the word “fat”
Fat can be a neutral descriptor, but it can also be a way to be cruel to ourselves. It’s not OK for her to call herself derogatory names. Often when she calls herself โfatโ in a negative way, it means that sheโs struggling with other feelings. Ask her questions. Find out what “fat” means to her. Read More: A letter to a tween daughter who called herself fat
6. Peers may tease her because of her body
It sucks, but she will likely experience discrimination because of her body. It’s not fair, but don’t make it worse by ignoring it or pretending it doesn’t happen. Teach her to be confident and assertive in these situations. Give her some tools to respond to bullying. But also be prepared to speak with your school’s administration if she becomes a target for bullies. Read More: Help your child deal with body shaming
7. Healthcare providers, teachers, and well-meaning adults will tell her to “watch” her weight and “eat healthy”
She knows this is code for “your body is unacceptable.” Teach her that their beliefs are not true and their behavior is not OK. Learn about Health at Every Sizeยฎ and teach her that just because our society is fatphobic does not mean there is something wrong with her. Empower her to politely but assertively respond to these people. Allow her to opt out of school weigh-ins and doctor’s weigh-ins when possible.
8. Work harder to find age-appropriate, cute clothing
Work a little harder to help her have fun with fashion. Do your research and make sure that stores carry her size before taking her shopping. Remind her that the problem is never her body, it’s the sizeist fashion industry. And help her blame the clothes, not herself, when things don’t fit. Read More: How to shop for clothes when your daughter wears plus size.
Guidelines for parents who have daughters in smaller bodies:
If your tween girl is not actually fat, you need to educate her about being a good citizen and not be fatphobic. This will help her be healthier as well as make her a better friend, family member, and community member.
1. Teach her about appropriate and inappropriate ways to use the word fat.
In other words, teach her that unless the word fat accurately describes her body, she may not use it. She should never use the word as a slur about anyone’s body. And teach her to use feeling words for feelings. Fat is not a feeling.
2. Teach her about body politics and fatphobia
Body fat is a social justice issue. Parents need to teach kids of all sizes to be social justice warriors who are willing to fight back against our culture. We can build a kinder world for our children (and everyone), but it’s not going to happen without work. Read More: Social Justice, Fatphobia, and Eating Disorders
3. Teach her that body size is not a joke or something to be taken lightly
In our current climate, it may help to align body size with race. Just like she should not make jokes about, criticize or tease someone for their skin color, she should not make jokes about, criticize or tease someone for their weight.
4. Help her understand that calling herself fat in front of friends who are larger will make them feel bad
Smaller people rarely notice the impact of their comments on friends and peers who are larger. Teach your daughter that when she calls herself fat, it makes everyone feel bad about themselves.
5. Let her know that weight is not equal to health
Your child can be an ally to kids who are in larger bodies by intentionally disconnecting the association between weight and health. The idea that weight = health is problematic on every level, not least of which because it’s just plain wrong. But it also increases the chances of your child thinking it’s OK to criticize people for their bodies. The weight = health bias is bigoted and unhelpful.
6. Teach her not to diet, ever
Dieting is completely unhelpful. 95% of people who intentionally lose weight regain the weight, often plus more. That’s because weight is not a matter of willpower; it’s a matter of biology and environment. Also, about 20% of teens who go on a diet will progress to an eating disorder. Those are not good odds.
But what about health?
Fatphobia has been neatly shrouded in the belief that people can criticize other people’s weight if they are concerned about that person’s health. Headlines abound regarding the “obesity epidemic,” and the many dangers of fat. But in fact, there is no proven link between obesity causing an earlier age of death, and in many cases, people who carry more weight actually live longer.
You need to know that many of the studies and information that we hear is funded and promoted by the diet industry, a $72 billion monster that can only survive when its market (us) is convinced that they need to lose weight to achieve success and happiness. This is the core goal of marketing: to create a market by creating a problem they can solve. The diet industry is genius because it has convinced most people that its product works even though it fails 95% of the time. How do they do this? By telling us that failure is a weak-willpower problem, not a problem with their product. Genius!
We have known the truth for decades: Diets don’t work, they lead to eating disorders, and they actually result in weight gain. I can say with confidence that it is healthier to raise your daughter to accept her weight and not be fatphobic than to judge her own or anyone’s health and worth based on the scale.
The biggest danger to her health is the belief that there is something wrong with gaining weight or living at a higher weight.
Teach body acceptance to all girls (of any size)
Learning body acceptance is not easy, but it is the single greatest step we can take as parents to help our children be truly healthy in body and mind. Body acceptance is the best way to help your tween daughter who calls herself fat.
Body acceptance simply the act of accepting the body as it is, with no assumption that it needs to change. Weight loss is about controlling food and exercise in order to reduce the body. Body acceptance is about enjoying food and exercise, and living a healthy, active lifestyle, with no expectation of reducing body size.
Body acceptance comes with time – it is not something that happens overnight. It will require consistent conversation with your child to convince her that her body truly is OK. Here are some tips:
1. Donโt diet or control your weight
Children learn from parents, and parents who diet are more likely to raise kids who diet. Accept your own body, and your children are more likely to accept theirs.
2. Avoid fashion/lifestyle/celebrity magazines
Avoid magazines and reading materials into the house if they promote any form of dieting or focus on weight loss. Remember that most magazines are not talking about diets openly – they are hiding them under the guise of “health,” but if the goal is weight loss, it is, in fact, promoting a diet.
3. Avoid purchasing any foods that are considered “diet” food
This includes diet soda and anything sugar-free, fat-free, carb-free, etc. Only use gluten-free products if someone in your family has Celiac disease or is otherwise instructed not to eat gluten free by a board-certified physician. Stay away from food fads that are being promoted on Instagram as “clean.”
4. Turn off or at least clap-back at television shows that promote dieting or weight loss
The same goes for TV shows that glorify thinness or feature unusually thin people. Avoid shows in which the characters make fun of people who are fat, discuss dieting, weight loss or a need to change their body size or shape.
5. Seek media materials that are inclusive
This means they feature a variety of characters of different sizes, shapes and skin color. Normalizing normal bodies is a very important part of body acceptance. It’s hard to find entertainment that is truly inclusive, but try! And when you are consuming non-inclusive media, talk about the lack of diversity.
6. Eliminate all #fitspo, #bodygoals and similar “health” accounts from social media
Monitor your child’s Instagram, TikTok, and other social media accounts to protect her from dangerous messages about reducing and controlling body size. Instagram, in particular, has been shown to be deeply damaging to girls’ self-esteem and body acceptance, in part because it has become a marketing platform for coaches and trainers who are selling their programs, diet shakes, diet teas, etc. The diet industry teaches their salespeople to use Instagram as a sales platform.
There is nothing we can do as parents to completely protect our children from the fatphobic culture in which we live. But if our tween daughter calls herself fat, we can help. We can teach her to navigate our fatphobic culture without shame, control our home environment, and talk to her openly and often about accepting her body.
Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.
When a doctor comments on a childโs weight, even with good intentions, the impact can be deeply harmful. For many parents, these moments come as a shock, leaving them unsure how to respond in the moment but filled with regret afterward. This open letter was written for those parents. It gives voice to the anger, fear, and heartbreak that can follow when a trusted medical professional speaks in ways that harm a childโs body image and self-worth.
If you’ve ever left a pediatricianโs office feeling rattled by how your childโs body was discussed, you’re not alone. This letter can help you find the words to advocate for your child and set boundaries with providers. Itโs a tool to raise awareness, and to remind all of us that every child deserves to feel safe and respected in a medical setting, no matter their size.
A letter to the pediatrician about weight-based comments
We came in for a check-up for my 12-year-old daughter last week. Since her birth, you have spent significant time during our appointments discussing my daughter’s weight trajectory. I can remember you telling me several times that her height was at a higher percentage than her weight, which you said was “good.”
But this time, her weight had jumped up a category, and you told us we need to “watch” her weight. You asked her pointed questions about her food consumption and exercise habits and asked her why she thinks she has gained weight.
You can give these cards to the nurses and doctors at your child’s pediatrician’s office. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommended against doctors discussing weight given the high risk of weight stigma and eating disorders. You get to make choices about how your child’s weight is dealt with at the doctor’s office!
This is a serious issue for me because I know how incredibly damaging weight-based comments can be to a child’s long-term health. I know that you care about your patients, and I know that you had no intention of doing harm, and yet you did. Here’s why:
1. Your comment suggested that weight gain is cause for concern
My daughter is right in the middle of the multi-year process of puberty, and her body is making its transition into that of a woman. There is no need to pathologize her body’s development during a stage that is known for weight fluctuations, especially since we know how vulnerable young girls are to eating disorders. Looking at a chart and seeing a person’s body weight should not override your ability to look at my child and see that she is healthy and thriving.
2. You suggested that a higher BMI is cause for concern
You mentioned that my daughter’s BMI has increased since you last saw her. The BMI scale was developed 200 years ago by a mathematician who explicitly stated that it could not and should not be used to indicate individual health. BMI pays no attention to body composition, which is why athletes have high BMIs. It is also racist and sexist. The healthcare system has grabbed onto BMI as a way to categorize individual weight and link it to health status. This is complete nonsense. BMI is not, and has never been a meaningful way to measure individual health (NPR).
3. Telling a child to “watch” their weight is unhelpful at best, and harmful at worst.
You may think that your comments during our appointment were not directly recommending dieting or weight loss, but there is simply no other way for my daughter and me to interpret them given the diet culture in which we live. Even if they were meant helpfully, your words do not exist in a vacuum, they were not benign, and they had a negative impact on my child.
When we left your office, my daughter looked down at her body and said in a small voice “where would I lose weight from? And how would I do it?” This infuriates me. Your comments caused her to doubt her body and want to change her strong, healthy, and thriving body.
There is no value in telling a child to “watch” her weight. If she passively “watches” it, she will gain and lose weight the same as she would if she paid no attention to the scale. What you really mean when you tell a person to “watch” their weight is that they need to avoid gaining “too much” weight.
Girls who “watch their weight” feel shame about their bodies and attempt to control their weight by dieting. They are part of the 65% of American women who participate in disordered eating behavior and another 10% who have eating disorders (UNC).
“Watching” your weight is a euphemism for dieting, which is the most important predictor of new eating disorders. One study showed a 5x increased risk of eating disorders for adolescents who engaged in moderate dieting and an 18x risk for adolescents who engage in extreme dieting and restriction (The BMJ).
4. Weight-based comments perpetuate weight stigma and diet culture
Our medical system has an unhealthy focus on body weight as the primary indicator of health, and this weight bias is impacting us all, especially girls and women (NEDA). When doctors make comments about weight, they must recognize the culture in which we live and the unhealthy weight stigma and diet culture that we encounter every day and carefully consider whether unsolicited weight-based comments add any value to patients’ healthcare (HINT: in most cases, the answer is “no”).
There are so many measurements of health, and weight is one over which we have very little influence, despite dedicated efforts. The best evidence of this fact is that despite the endless weight loss information provided in healthcare settings and the media and a $72B diet industry pushing every possible “solution” to overweight, there is zero data to show that intentional weight loss efforts last or that they positively impact health outcomes. In fact, the most notable outcome of intentional weight loss is weight regain (Journal of Obesity).
There are many health behaviors that can positively impact my child’s health that have zero side effects, including stress reduction, balanced nutrition, physical movement, and sleep hygiene. So why not focus on those when you meet with a young woman who already faces huge gender and body bias in our culture? Why talk about her weight when such comments can only harm her health?
A negative outcome
The outcome of our appointment was not greater health for my child. It added stress and anxiety to a notoriously difficult time in a girl’s life. It was fuel for the societal belief that something is “wrong” with her and that she needs to “watch” her body even as it’s developing new levels of productivity, ability, and joy. This is absolutely not healthy.
I sincerely hope you will consider how you choose to talk about weight in the future.
This letter was submitted to me by a parent who wishes to remain anonymous.
You can give these cards to the nurses and doctors at your child’s pediatrician’s office. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommended against doctors discussing weight given the high risk of weight stigma and eating disorders. You get to make choices about how your child’s weight is dealt with at the doctor’s office!
The non-diet approach to parenting is more than just a trend, itโs backed by growing scientific evidence showing that focusing on health without dieting can foster better physical and mental well-being in children. Research reveals that promoting body acceptance, intuitive eating, and positive food relationships helps prevent disordered eating, reduces anxiety around food, and supports lifelong healthy habits.
In this article, weโll explore the science behind why ditching diets and embracing a non-diet approach can empower parents to raise confident, resilient kids with a healthy mindset toward food and their bodies.
A non-diet approach to parenting
A non-diet approach to parenting will help your child feel better and be healthier. Non-diet parenting is all about health and wellbeing, it just upends the belief that these things are based on weight loss. Non-diet parenting means parenting without a focus on dieting for weight loss. Beyond that, non-diet parenting is about liberating our kidsโ bodies from the harms caused by diet culture.
So much of what we think we know about food, diet, and weight is just plain wrong. Itโs not our fault. After all, journalists, healthcare providers, educators, bloggers, and influencers all promote dieting. Of course, they may call it weight management, a healthy lifestyle, or something else.
But it turns out that intentional weight loss, commonly called dieting, is not nearly as healthy as weโve been told it is. In fact, it can be very harmful, particularly for kids. And when it comes to parenting, we want to be weight-neutral and take a non-diet approach.
Thereโs a lot of pressure on parents to watch their kidsโ weight. Some parents believe they must help kids be โhealthyโ with intentional weight loss. However, there is actually no evidence that intentional weight loss is healthy. Furthermore, there is substantial evidence that intentional weight loss is unhealthy. In fact, it leads to higher weights and increased rates of eating disorders.
Not sure about this? Keep reading for the data below, and/or check out my scientific library for extensive support for a non-diet approach to health.
Principles of the non-diet approach to parenting
A non-diet approach to parenting makes sure you understand the harms caused by diet culture and helps you counteract them and raise kids who are happy, healthy, and free from disordered eating and negative body image.
We live in a body-negative culture that tells us our bodies are not acceptable unless they are thin. But this is cruel, unscientific, and unhelpful. Our body-negative culture damages our kidsโ health. There are no known positive outcomes. On the other hand, believing that our bodies are inherently worthy of dignity and respect has very positive health outcomes. Here are the core principles of a non-diet approach to parenting:
Body diversity i๏ปฟs natural: Not everyone is thin, just like not everyone is tall. Weโre all born with a blueprint, and weโre not all supposed to be the same.
Weight loss diets are harmful: There is no scientific data supporting the long-term benefits of dieting to lose weight. However, there is evidence that weight loss diets increase cortisol and decrease metabolic rate, likely forever. Additionally, 95% of diets result in weight regain, and 65% result in additional weight gain. In fact, the most common result of dieting is weight gain after 2 years.
Bodies are wise: Without restriction our bodies intuitively seek a natural weight, food intake, and exercise pattern that keeps us in balance.
All bodies are good bodies: Judging bodies as good and bad reflects the worst of our culture (sexism, racism, classism, ableism, etc.), but all bodies are equally worthy of dignity and respect. Nobodyโs body is more worthy than another personโs body.
Not sure about this? Keep reading for the data below, and/or check out my scientific library for extensive support for a non-diet approach to health.
Benefits of non-diet parent approach
I know weโve all been told that keeping our kids at a low weight is the key to health and wellbeing. However, a non-diet approach in which we approach health without focusing on the number on the scale is scientifically proven to improve the following health outcomes:
Health behaviors (e.g., eating and activity habits, dietary quality)
Psychosocial outcomes (e.g., social connections, self-worth, body image)
Meanwhile, there are no known benefits and numerous harms associated with intentional weight loss or dieting. Itโs surprising, but a weight-based approach to health is scientifically proven to decrease all the things that get better with non-diet parenting.
Dieting increases blood pressure and cortisol. It has negative impacts on eating and activity habits and dietary quality. Surprisingly, dieting is strongly associated with weight gain. Finally, dieting negatively affects body image, self-worth, social connections, and significantly increases the rates of disordered eating and eating disorders. Dieting is not healthy!
Not sure about this? Keep reading for the data below, and/or check out my scientific library for extensive support for a non-diet approach to health.
Is a non-diet approach healthy?
Perhaps you’re wondering … but if I don’t teach my child to control their weight doesn’t that mean they won’t be healthy?
No.
Quite the opposite.
Science has shown us that people who feel good about their bodies regardless of weight are healthier because they pursue more health behaviors like exercising, eating well, and getting enough rest. They have a lower risk of disease because they don’t live in constant shame and contempt for themselves. They have healthier relationships with themselves and others. They are less likely to develop eating disorders, which affect 10% of the population and are the second-most deadly mental illness.
Diet culture is unhealthy. A non-diet approach to health is healthy.
The science to support non-diet, weight-neutral parenting
Read on for the most important scientific articles supporting non-diet, weight-neutral parenting. Letโs look at dieting, fat, โobesityโ and weight epidemics that arenโt actually epidemic at all. It takes a lot of guts to go against the current cultural norms. But rest assured that science firmly supports a non-diet, weight-neutral approach to parenting.
The non-diet approach to health is grounded in research on Health at Every Sizeยฎ (HAESยฎ). This approach emphasizes the importance of nourishing your body with healthy food, engaging in regular physical activity, and prioritizing sufficient sleep and other essential self-care practices. Unlike the weight-focused, diet culture approach to health, HAESยฎ does not place an emphasis on weight loss as the ultimate goal of adopting healthy behaviors. This distinction is crucial because weight loss diets are linked to negative outcomes such as weight cycling and eating disorders, which can be harmful to individuals. On the other hand, adopting a HAESยฎ approach is associated with positive health outcomes.
1. Non-diet approach has better health outcomes than intentional weight loss
Randomized controlled clinical trials indicate that a non-diet Health at Every Sizeโ (HAESโ) approach is associated with statistically and clinically relevant improvements in:
Health behaviors (e.g., eating and activity habits, dietary quality)
Psychosocial outcomes (such as self-esteem and body image),
HAES achieves these health outcomes more successfully than weight loss treatment and without the contraindications associated with a weight focus.
While intentional weight loss efforts induce short term weight loss, the majority of individuals are unable to maintain weight loss over the long term and do not achieve the putative benefits of improved morbidity and mortality.
Weight focus is ineffective at producing thinner, healthier bodies, and may also have unintended consequences, including:
Food and body preoccupation
Repeated cycles of weight loss and regain
Distraction from other personal health goals and wider health determinants
Reduced self-esteem
Eating disorders
2. Dieting leads to eating disorders and weight gain
Dieting and unhealthful weight-control behaviors predict outcomes related to obesity and eating disorders 5 years later.
A shift away from dieting and drastic weight-control measures toward the long-term implementation of healthful eating and physical activity behaviors is needed to prevent obesity and eating disorders in adolescents.
Adolescents using weight-control behaviors increased their body mass index compared to adolescents not using any weight-control behaviors and were at approximately three times greater risk for being overweight.
Adolescents using weight-control behaviors were at increased risk for binge eating with loss of control and for extreme weight-control behaviors such as self-induced vomiting and use of diet pills, laxatives, and diuretics 5 years later, compared with adolescents not using any weight-control behaviors.
There is little support for the notion that diets lead to lasting weight loss or health benefits.
The authors review studies of the long-term outcomes of calorie-restricting diets to assess whether dieting is an effective treatment for obesity.
These studies show that one-third to two-thirds of dieters regain more weight than they lost on their diets, and these studies likely underestimate the extent to which dieting is counterproductive because of several methodological problems, all of which bias the studies toward showing successful weight loss maintenance.
In addition, the studies do not provide consistent evidence that dieting results in significant health improvements, regardless of weight change.
4. โObesityโ isnโt doesnโt cause disease, and weight loss doesnโt work
Public health agencies across the world are searching for policies or incentives to mitigate the alleged โdiseaseโ of obesity.
In our view, the available scientific data neither support alarmist claims about obesity nor justify diverting scarce resources away from far more pressing public health issues.
Given the limited scientific evidence, the authors suggest that the current rhetoric about an obesity-driven health crisis is being driven more by cultural and political factors than by any threat increasing body weight may pose to public health.
The authors debunk four false claims:
False claim #1: obesity is an epidemic.
An โepidemicโ of overweight and obesity implies an exponential pattern of growth typical of epidemics. The available data do not support this claim. Instead, what we have seen, in the US, is a relatively modest rightward skewing of average weight on the distribution curve, with people of lower weights gaining little or no weight, and the majority of people weighing โผ3โ5 kg more than they did a generation ago.
False claim #2: overweight and obesity are major contributors to mortality.
This claim, central to arguments that higher than average body mass amount to a major public health problem, is at best weakly supported by the epidemiological literature. Except at true statistical extremes, high body mass is a very weak predictor of mortality, and may even be protective in older populations.
False claim #3: higher weight is pathological and a primary direct cause of disease.
With the exception of osteoarthritis, where increased body mass contributes to wear on joints, and a few cancers where estrogen originating in adipose tissue may contribute, causal links between body fat and disease remain hypothetical. It is quite possible, and even likely, that higher than average body fat is merely an expression of underlying metabolic processes that themselves may be the sources of the pathologies in question.
False claim #4: significant long-term weight loss is both medically beneficial and a practical goal.
This claim is almost completely unsupported by the epidemiological literature. The central premise of the current war on fatโthat turning obese and overweight people into so-called โnormal weightโ individuals will improve their healthโremains an untested hypothesis.
The science firmly supports a non-diet, weight-neutral approach to parenting
There are many noisy voices out there telling parents they need to worry about kidsโ weight. But the evidence shows that most of our fears abut weight are because of weight stigma. And diet culture and eating disorders are strongly correlated with each other. Fear of fat is not scientific, itโs simply a bias weโve developed in our culture. The evidence shows that parenting from a non-diet and weight-neutral perspective is safe and healthy.
Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.
Body shaming in school can deeply affect a childโs self-esteem, mental health, and overall well-being. As a parent, learning how to recognize, address, and prevent body shaming is essential to protect your child and foster a positive body image.
This guide offers practical advice on how to support your child, communicate effectively with teachers and administrators, and empower your child to build resilience against harmful comments. By taking proactive steps, you can help create a safer, more accepting environment where your child feels confident and valued just as they are.
The problem with body shaming at school
Body shaming at school is a major problem that’s linked to poor mental health and increases in anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and more.
Body shaming can have a significant impact on a child’s lifelong mental health. Constant negative comments or scrutiny about appearance can lead to low self-esteem, body dissatisfaction, and a negative body image. This, in turn, can contribute to the development of anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.
Body shaming is so common in school that many people don’t even notice it or believe it is harmless or unstoppable (“kids will be kids”). However, school body shaming has major impacts on kids’ wellbeing, and intervention is both possible and necessary.
In this guide you’ll learn how to intervene effectively and support your child if they’re experiencing body shaming at school.
What sort of body shaming happens at school?
Kids are creative, and they can find countless reasons to tease their peers. This teasing can be traumatic, particularly at the difficult stage of development during middle school. Most teasing focuses on various common body traits, including:
Weight
Height
Skin (color and appearance)
Hair
Features (nose, ears, feet, etc.)
Visible differences and disabilities
The list of body-based taunts is seemingly endless, and peers, particularly middle schoolers, seem inherently gifted when it comes to creating them. All body-shaming and bullying should be dealt with quickly by adults. Fat-shaming and body shaming are linked to eating disorders, the second-most deadly mental disorder and the cause of much suffering and heartache.
“Are you pregnant?” asks the 11-year old boy, pointing at her stomach and immediately breaking into laughter, encouraging everyone around him to look and laugh as well.
And the girl, stunned, looks down at her belly and wonders, perhaps for the first time, if her body is bad. Shame rises and fills her whole body.
People say terrible things, but it is perhaps never more common than in schools. The body-shaming, fatphobia, and fat-shaming that runs rampant in schools is ruthless and without boundaries. People of all sizes and shapes are harassed at this most vulnerable and awkward time of body development. But of course, it is far worse for kids who have larger bodies.
How to deal with body shaming at school
If you have a child who is in middle school, remember that body shaming can happen to kids of all genders and of all body types, though it is far worse for kids with larger bodies. Both boys and girls are the recipients and the perpetrators of body shaming. Here’s what I recommend:
1. Talk about body shaming
Talk about body shaming and fat-shaming early and often with your child. Become educated about the benefits of a non-diet approach to health and make sure that you are not your child’s primary body bully.
2. Explore your own feelings about your kid’s body
As your child’s body changes in middle school, make sure you are not criticizing or objectifying it. This is hard. In our culture, we are trained to objectify and criticize bodies, particularly girls’ bodies. Work on your own feelings and thoughts about your kid’s body. Children are extremely sensitive to parental judgment, so if you have negative feelings about your child’s body, they will almost certainly sense your disapproval.
3. Don’t body-shame yourself or anyone else
It’s fairly common in our culture to make negative body comments about yourself and other people. However, this practice models body-shaming behavior and makes it harder for a child to stand up to body bullies. It’s important that you don’t bully your own body or that of anyone else. This includes criticizing people in the airport, on buses, and on television for their body sizes. Take a weight-neutral approach to everyone with the belief that other people’s bodies are none of your business.
4. Teach them to respond to body shaming
The fact is that we live in a body-shaming society. Teach your child some good responses for when other people make comments about their bodies.
Help them develop a few scripts ready to go for the most common body taunts. Work on these with your child so they have the confidence to use them. Ideally, the responses should be crisp and maintain a sense of personal power. For example:
I don’t recall asking you for your opinion on my body.
Dude, what are you, a body-shamer? Dumb.
Haven’t you heard? It’s 2024 and people aren’t body shaming any more.
No, I’m not pregnant. Are you?
The last thing I care about is what you think about my body.
Stop talking about my body.
I like my body. Thankfully my opinion of myself is not dependent on your opinion of me.
The old advice to just ignore it or walk away may work sometimes, but if your child is physically safe and emotionally supported, you can encourage them to speak up for themselves. The key is for them to feel confident and as if they deserve to talk back to a body bully (which they do!).
5. Teach them to be an upstander
You want your child to be prepared if body-shaming comes their way. But also make sure they are not the perpetrators of body shaming and that they stand up for people who are being body-shamed in front of them. Your child may never be body-shamed, but they are still a victim of our society’s body hate if they stand by while it’s happening to someone else. And they are perpetuating great harm if they body-shame someone else.
6. Shake it off
It would be great if nobody was ever body-shamed again. But it’s unlikely that we’ll see a massive cultural shift as long as your child is living with you. So for now, it helps to teach your child some tricks for shaking off body-shaming comments. Here is some advice for shaking off the negative feelings we get after encountering body-shaming:
Talk it out with someone you can trust. Shame thrives in secrecy, so talking about body shaming incidents can help reduce the sting.
Remember that other people’s words do not define who you are as a person.
Think about whether you can/should take any corrective action.
Stay away from the person/people who body shamed you.
Block and report online body shamers on social media platforms.
Block body shamers from texting or phoning you.
7. Report bullying
It’s true that we can’t protect our children from all forms of body shaming and fat-shaming. In fact, most of us experience body shaming in our own homes! However, if you suspect that your child is being bullied in a way that is dangerous to their mental and physical health, please reach out for support.
It can help to keep a record of incidents to document the body bullying. This should log the date, time, person(s) involved, verbal and physical actions.
Speak with your child’s school principal and school psychologist and get a copy of the school’s bullying policy. Hopefully, they will respond to the situation adequately. If you feel your child’s school is not doing enough to protect your child, seek the support of someone who can help you navigate the tricky task of parenting a child who is being bullied. They should be able to support you in both reporting the problem and helping your child through this situation.
Why body shaming at school needs to stop
Eating disorders frequently begin during middle school. Eating disorders are linked with body-based bullying and our society’s obsession with appearance, particularly the avoidance of fat (fatphobia).
Bodies, particularly girls’ bodies, change drastically during middle school. It’s not uncommon for girls to gain about 40 lbs during puberty, and it can take years for that additional weight, which is a critical part of their development, to shift and settle into the adult body taking shape. A girls’ body becomes open to admiration, objectification, criticism, and ridicule during puberty, and all are harmful predictors of eating disorders.
Parents can help kids avoid eating disorders with the following steps:
Never Do These 3 Things:
1. Body-Shaming: do not body-shame your child, yourself, or anyone else. Body shaming is the act of judging a person for their body size, shape, color, weight, ability, and appearance. Parents frequently are unintentional body shamers who are trying to help their children “be healthy” which in our society means to lose weight and be thin.
2. Food Policing: do not police your child’s food or suggest they will be better if they eat a certain way. It’s common to judge kids for choosing “unhealthy” or “bad” food. Parents frequently are unintentional food shamers who are trying to help their children “make good choices” which in our society means avoiding foods that supposedly lead to weight gain (e.g. carbs, fat, etc.).
3. Dieting: do not diet or allow dieting in your family. Eating disorders almost always begin with a diet. Dieting is defined as any eating and/or exercise conducted with the purpose (sometimes unconscious) of weight loss. Most “wellness lifestyles” are diets in disguise. Parents frequently introduce dieting to their children, despite the fact that diets do not improve health and lead to weight gain and eating disorders.
Body-shaming online and offline
About 30% of girls and 24% of boys report daily bullying, teasing and/or rejection based on their body size. These numbers are doubled (63% of girls and 58% of boys) for high school students who are living in larger bodies. [Pediatrics]
It’s dangerous online, too. Way back in 2011, 16% of high school students were victims of electronic bullying in the previous year. [CDC] This number has undoubtedly skyrocketed since then.
This is why it’s important for parents to talk with their kids early and often about body image and eating disorders. Parents should also avoid food policing and prevent dieting. Our kids are going to be exposed to all of these dangerous practices, and the best protection we can offer is education and support as they navigate the culture in which we live.
Ginny Jones is the founder of More-Love.org, and a Parent Coach who helps parents who have kids with eating disorders.
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